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How many times did you have to try before being able to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ThatGuyT, Jun 28, 2015.

  1. ThatGuyT

    ThatGuyT Guest

    I'm asking this because I've made a pact with myself that I would try to come out to my brother once I've turned 19. How many times have you tried to talk with someone and "chickened out" before finally coming out? :grin:
     
  2. YinYang

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    I've done that plenty of times. I used to think I was bi and it took me a while to come out to my mom. I'd say, "Mom?" and she would say, "Yes?" and I'd pause for a minute, then say, "Never mind." It took me a while to come out and that's normal. Just tell your brother when you are ready.(*hug*)
     
  3. Yossarian

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    Almost everyone goes through the same thing, because they don't know what the reaction will be and are afraid of upsetting the status quo. It's just what you have to do, decide if this is someone you need to be honest with for your own peace, and if so, then you just tell them and get it over with. There will be some people who do not need to know, or who you do not feel comfortable telling; there is nothing wrong with this; you don't have to share your personal life with everyone you know. If you feel strongly they need to know, you will eventually get it done, even if you balk a few times. (*hug*)
     
  4. Foz

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    I hit mission abort once, the second time she kinda just pulled it out of me, but for my family I've been as close as I can get twice now.
     
  5. OGS

    OGS
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    The first person I told was my Mother. There was the big build up--something to tell you, it may be hard for both of us... Then I just couldn't do it. I broke down, I cried, she comforted me, she told me that I could tell her anything. And I just couldn't do it. Then she said something and to understand it you have to know that I had had a friend in college, we'll call him X, who came out and whose parents disowned him (this was over 20 years ago). She took my hands in hers, looked me square in the eye and said "you know your Father and I would never do what X's parents did--now what do you have to tell me?" And, of course, I told her... and my real life began. I asked her years later if she had always known and she insisted that she hadn't, that it had never even occurred to her until she was sitting there with me crying and then suddenly she just knew and she says she also suddenly knew that I had come to a crossroads in my life and that if I didn't tell her now I might never tell her and that if I didn't I'd never really move on with my life. So my Mom as always, just gritted her teeth and did what had to be done. She was an amazing woman...
     
  6. bigcityboy

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    I remember when I was trying to muster up the courage to come out as gay to my big brother late last year...

    I like to take my dog on long walks exploring the West Village, which is probably the gayest neighborhood in NYC (the Stonewall nearby speaks for itself). I began calling my older brother (he lives in another state) on these long walks and just talking to him, asking him how his day was, talking to him about his problems, and opening up to him more about my life (except the part about being closeted). Simple but casual, relatively comfortable, frequent conversations with him over a few months. I remember that every time I spoke to him I just couldn't bring myself to come out! I can't count how many times I bit my tongue in fear! Completely unfounded fear because I knew he was accepting of gay people (I have gay relatives), but you know, it's a tough thing to come out to immediate family because you have the most to lose if they reject you, but the most to gain if they accept you. Anyways, I definitely believe with these phone conversations I built a new trust in my big brother. So much so, that when I went to visit him for Christmas break, I was able to come out to him in person on New Years Eve and it went great! He's now my biggest ally and I'm glad I started 2015 that way.

    I suggest doing the same thing. Build more trust in your relationship with your brother, whether it's through talking to him or activities together or whatever, so that when you're ready to come out to him you'll be certain he'll accept you. It will also make it easier to tell him if you trust him more and you won't "chicken out." I hope this advice helps you come out to your brother. Good luck!
     
    #6 bigcityboy, Jul 3, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2015
  7. Schloss

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    That's amazing of you, loved your story. Hug your bro on our behalf :grin: I came out to my brother right after I heard him defending gay people when we were in a social/extended family setting. At that time, he did not know about me. He's very supportive of all things LGBT and always has been, and he's straight.
     
  8. MetalRice

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    It took me about six times before I was able to stomach the courage to say the words to my mother.
     
  9. Azrael

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    I came out to my friends one by one during that period of time 3-4 years ago, when things were going bad to the point of pushing suicidal thoughts into my head. There wasn't so much a build up but rather a moment of supposed final exhalation because the world seemed like it was going to end for me anyway. So no, I've never really chickened out from coming out to the people I choose to come out to. For people who I don't want to come out to like mum, and the family, I just don't, there's no tension there.