1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Upset About Not Being Upset ---- Being Closeted Not That Bad?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Starwind78, Jun 30, 2015.

  1. Starwind78

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2014
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    When I spoke with my therapist (only the 2nd person who knows) about my sexual orientation and how I just recently came to terms with it, she said something to the effect that such a personal aspect of myself must be difficult to hide and that it may be part of the reason I keep people at a distance.

    I do keep people at a distance, but I don't think it's for this.

    In fact, even though I am waiting to come out to the fam at a later date, I feel like being in the closet isn't really giving me that much angst. Is that normal?

    Maybe it's because I've been in the closet for all of puberty and I've just gotten used to it? Another reason may be that I present as stereotypically femme (mostly) and have some small attraction to men, so it's not a big deal for me to blend in as straight.

    I'm not exactly complaining that I'm not more upset. It's just odd is all; it seems so counter to what I've heard, so I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
     
  2. ilovesg

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2013
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I used to feel the same way, I didn't think being in the closet was that bad. But as time goes on, it gets heavier and heavier. Maybe it's a little different because I'm a lesbian, but I also pass as straight. The longer I wait, the more it stresses me out. My therapist told me something similar and I am just now starting to feel the distance with my family. I've heard that you don't always know how hard it is being in the closet until you come out and you feel the difference. For now, though it's ok. I defiantly would not want to do this for another 5+ years.
     
  3. Starwind78

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2014
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks for the reply. I thought maybe I was the only one after no one posted back.

    I have realized that I don't want to stay closeted forever. Especially because it seems I prefer other women, the convenience of staying closeted just doesn't seem worth the sacrifice in happiness, but the misery I anticipate would happen in lonely later years hasn't hit yet.

    At the same time, I do kind of feel like an a**hole for my apathy, but it wasn't my intention to dismiss anybody's experiences -------- for any folks reading this right now thinking, "What the hell, lady?".

    My parents make homophobic comments often and they are annoying, but they don't hurt. I think I've heard them for so long that it just doesn't bother me any more. I'm sure I will feel differently when they continue that BS after I've come out.
     
  4. ilovesg

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2013
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    It might be that you just have a thick skin, and don't get offended easily. It's not a bad thing that you feel that way, and I don't think it dismisses anybody's experience because everyone has a different one. If you are comfortable being in the closet for right now, like me, then it's ok to stay there. It's better to be in the closet and not mind than to come out and regret it.
     
  5. Aspen

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2014
    Messages:
    1,470
    Likes Received:
    239
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I was comfortable in the closet for the longest time. It helped that I was in college away from my family. Now, though, I go through phases where it drives me insane or makes me feel sick that I'm stuck in the closet between phases where I'm perfectly fine with it. It makes a big difference being in a long-term relationship that's getting increasingly serious.

    Everyone's different and that doesn't make your feelings any less valid.