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I want to come out to my straight guy friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jacko, Jul 1, 2015.

  1. Jacko

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    Hey so I posted this question a few days ago but it was really long so I'll make this as short as possible. Basically I have six close friends some of them might be cool with my being gay others may not. But I'm sure that I'm not ready to come out to any of them except one. This one guy I basically came out to while we were drunk and then I pussied out and told him I was just joking. But when I told him he said he was ok with it so I kinda regret taking it back. Should I tell him? I'm not worried about whether or not he'll accept me. I'm worried that he'll slip up and tell my other friends or casually mention it while he's drunk/high. How can I be sure that he won't do this. Cause honestly I gotta tell somebody it's eating me alive. Thanks so much.
     
  2. The Purple One3

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    Taking back what you said to his face was lying, but don't feel bad! I know your in a bad and uncomfortable spot. I understand, but I do think he deserves to know, especially now. Make sure to apologize about changing what you said. Good luck!
     
  3. Jacko

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    I know he deserves to know I'm just really really scared. He will be the first person I come out to assuming Im man enough to do it when the time comes. When the time does come should we be a little drunk I feel like that might make it easier.
     
  4. The Purple One3

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    I think if everyone is sober, everything can be understood more clearly.
     
  5. hanshotfirst

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    Yes go for it the sooner the better to clear it up and do it sober so it's crystal clear this time-hopefully it will feel very freeing to you! good luck!
     
  6. Jacko

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    I think I'm ok with it if he knows he really is an awesome guy. I just feel like once one person knows the situation is no longer under my control. And that scares me. I'm really really not ready for anyone else to know. if there was any way to be 100% sure he wouldnt slip up I would absolutely tell him.
     
  7. The Purple One3

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    All you could really say to him is how important it is to you that he doesn't out you. You know him more than any of us.
     
  8. ranintome

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    I think too that you should go into this sober. so you can have a mind.
     
  9. Jacko

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    Thanks everyone for your help. I'm gonna see him for the Fourth of July were gonna be going to my fishing camp with some other people but I'm sure there will be times when I can be alone with him. I might tell him then. I'm just really really scared.
     
  10. person57

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    Good luck!! You can do it Jacko!! If you think he'd be okay with it, then you should tell him. Just make sure you feel completely ready. Tell him that you really don't feel comfortable with anyone else knowing and you're not ready to be out to anyone else. Also, maybe you should apologize to him for lying to him. If he's a good friend hopefully he'll understand how scared you felt and hopefully he'll forgive you. You can do it! You're more brave than you think you are. Good luck! :grin:
     
  11. hanshotfirst

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    Hope it's going good this weekend and you have time to get your friend aside and really talk to him and clear things up. I think he'll be good with it and he can keep it to himself
     
  12. 0710

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    How did it go? What happened? I've been in a very similar situation. Im 15 and i came out to three close friends this winter. I had been wanting to do it for so long but i never actually did it. Until one day i was alone with one of them and told him. The feeling to finally come out to someone felt amazing! I had never felt so good. He was also very accepting and had no problem with it. Later that night he started chatting with me and told me that he supported me no matter what and would be there if i ever wanted to talk. Then a few weeks later i came out to my other two closest friends and they were tottaly cool with it too. :thumbsup:

    Ps. Im sure he won't tell to anyone if you tell him not to. My friends have still kept it as a secret from everyone else.
     
    #12 0710, Jul 5, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2015
  13. Jacko

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    Well.... It didn't go:eusa_doh: I really wanted to but it was us to and my really homophobic friend so we were all together and I really really didn't want to tell the homophobic one. So I didn't do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to anymore. Things are just kind of going well right now. Like I had a lot of shit going on earlier this year and it's all kind of starting to resolve itself so I'm not sure I wanna risk being outed. Cause that would be a fucking shitshow im not ready to handle yet. And I know you guys told me I should do it and I really wanted to. But something told me It just wasn't the time. But honestly I think he knows. He made kind of a subtle comment this weekend about how he notices when I check out one of our hot friends. So he may very well know, but something in me just made me to decide to keep it to myself for a little while longer. Thank you all anyway for all of the encouragement. I may be ready again soon I just don't know when. it may not be too long from now. Thanks again.
     
  14. hanshotfirst

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    Well you have to do it when you feel ready but hopefully you at least clear it up with him soon when two of you are alone-hopefully it will make you feel good about the whole thing
     
  15. Yossarian

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    Him telling you that he noticed you checking out one of your "hot" friends, and doing so subtly instead of razzing you about it or getting all homophobic, is him telling you that he thinks you are probably gay, but he is waiting for you to be comfortable enough to trust him with the truth. This guy is trying to be a closer friend to you, and cares about you enough to have given you the easy opportunity to do so if you are ready. Don't make him wait too long, and don't lie to him and tell him you are straight, because then you will have that additional barrier to climb to tell him the truth later. He is ready when you are. :thumbsup:
     
  16. 50ishandout

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    Jacko, I agree with the great sage Yosarrian. Your friend is letting you know you have a friend. Make it a point to be with him and not the rest of the guys and tell him. I'm sure he will be there for you.

    Your generation is so different than mine was with acceptance of Gays.

    Little advice from an old man. If God grants you a handful of true friends in life you are truly blessed. We have a lot of associate's that we think are friends, but they are not. There just people we know in life. Most likely when your 30 you won't even know where Harry the Homophob is. Hell he may be Gay himself.

    Be at peace with yourself. You have a lot of life to live. Enjoy it.
     
  17. person57

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    At least you tried. Just do it when you feel completely ready and don't feel pressured. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. Stay strong.
     
  18. ant12

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    ugh god it's going to be annoying when i have to come out to my straight guy friends...atleast you now know at least 1 will be there for you. Not sure i can say the same.