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How long did it take you to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mochii, Jul 4, 2015.

  1. mochii

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    From when you first began to question your sexuality? I started questioning a couple of years ago and have been pretty sure of myself for about a year, but sometimes it feels like I'm going to be in the closet FOREVER. I can't even imagine telling my family and friends. I want to but I know I'm not ready, and I'm scared I'll never be. I'm curious of everyone else's experiences.
     
  2. badger

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    I know it is hard to imagine. I was in the same position a few months ago. What happened to me was that I was confronted by situations where I felt pressure to start the coming out process. One pressure was that I was in a situation with a girl that I didn't know how to explain to myself why I didn't want to get with her. Ultimatley I realized it was because I am gay and thats going to be who I am. If this type of situation happens repeatedly in my life (which it would be if I didn't start the coming out process) than I thought to myself how I could be happy because I would be nervous what other people would think. Anyways, this starting my coming out process and I am by NO means out. I have only come out to my best friend and 2 psychiatrists. But those are HUGE steps to where I was 4-6 months ago when I thought I was going to live in the closet the rest of my life. I now realize taking that step to look online and learn about LGBTQ stuff (looking up this forum, for example) is a high step to coming out. It help give me confidence to take the next step to find a psychiatrist to talk to by myself. to help my through this process, as well. So, anyways, just realized that this is a first step even talking on here, and theta each step takes a different amount of time. Keep going! Create steps to coming out that don't involve actually coming out to anyone but finding out who you are!
     
  3. fxngirl

    fxngirl Guest

    I started questioning six months ago, and I came out last week to two people. One is a close friend of mine, while the other one is the guy who I was in a kind of relationship with. I felt the need to tell this guy because I felt I was hurting him and leading him on in something that could never happen, so I just decided to tell him. I have no idea, though, of when I'll come out to other people.
     
  4. Van

    Van
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    Well, I knew I liked boys since kindergarten/first grade when I had my first crushes on guys. I didn't acknowledge the fact that I was gay until my teen years when I would tell myself that I was probably a little bit bisexual, but I'll grow out of it and eventually I'll end up with a girlfreind and all my gay fantasies would go away. As you can guess - that never happend. :grin: So, for some time I just tried not to think about it and pretend that I was 'straight'. 2009/2010 I started coming to terms with the fact that I am not straight. By the end of 2010 I came out to myself. 2011 I started to come out to other people. Ever since I came out to my mom in 2013 I no longer worry who knows, so if someone asks, I tell. I'm just not out at work, cuz my co-workers are rather homophobic, but if someone asked me, I would not lie. :slight_smile:
     
  5. ApexxShadow

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    I started questioning like 9 months ago. I ended up coming out about 3 months ago. It took me a while, but I'm happy I did when I did :slight_smile:
     
  6. Lyana

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    I knew I had crushes on both guys and girls pretty early on, but I didn't label myself. I never dated anyone, so it wasn't like it ever came up.
    Then I fell for a girl, hard. A month later, I came out for the first time. I told someone I knew would be accepting. As for my family, I always figured I'd tell my parents when I had a relationship with a girl, and I stuck to it. I'm still not completely out, but I'm comfortably out in my daily life.

    mochii, take your time. Come out when you want to, when it's safe, and when you feel ready. I'd recommend picking a friend (close or not) as the first person you tell. A friend you know will be fine with it. Then you have support when you tell more and more people. It can be a process over months, even years, and that's fine.
     
  7. MetalRice

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    It took me about two or so years to first come out to the only person I have come out to; my mother.
     
  8. mochii

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    You're right, last year I couldn't have imagined posting to a forum talking about being gay, so that's huge progress in it's own. I think as I'm becoming more sure of myself, I want to live freely without hiding, and that's what's making me want to rush it all. But I have started posting more gay-friendly things to my blog, which old friends see, when I used to be terrified of them even suspecting I was gay. So I think I'll take more time with it and see from there. I gave myself coming out day in October as a goal (corny I know) to possibly to tell my best friend, but if I'm not ready then, I won't beat myself up over it. Thanks:slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 4th Jul 2015 at 11:46 PM ----------

    I think my best friend will be the most difficult to tell, but I also want to tell her first, and then I'll go from there, hopefully with her support to get me through the others. I don't want it to be a long process, but I know it will be and I just need to accept that.
     
  9. 50ishandout

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    I known I was Gay since I was 13. Finally Came Out this past March at age 51. No matter when you Come Out of the Closet it's all good. I was with some friends last night and one girl I've known for ever couldn't believe how happy i seemed. When I told her I had Come Out she was so excited. Although another that never suspected me as Gay.

    We had a great night. Life is so good Outside the Closet.

    #itgetsbetter
     
  10. Nelly1

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    I've been questioning since I was 11 or 12 but my feeling only seemed to be strong enough to come out about 3 weeks ago(hence me joining this forum). This was due to depression and chronic illness that I avoided the subject, but now I'm 'out the closet' I don't feel so uncomfortable with my own thoughts and attractions.
     
  11. ChaoticMind

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    I started questioning a couple of months ago when I realised I was sexually attracted to females as well as males, if I can pretend I have an emotional bond with them. Hormones got in the way and they still do, but for now the closest I'll get to a label is demi-bisexual with a lesbian preference.
    Aaaaand as I'm still not completely sure about it, I'm not out to anyone.
     
  12. DeJe

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    I started questioning my sexuality late last spring and I came out to my first friend in January of this year, so about 9 months. Don't rush it. Everyone's journey is different and when the time is right, you will know.
     
  13. mochii

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    Wow congrats that must feel so awesome :slight_smile::slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2015 at 11:09 PM ----------

    Sometimes I feel Demi when it comes to guys as well, I can feel attracted to them as a whole but not too much body-wise, and I haven't had feelings for a guy in a long time, so that's why I tend to stick to the lesbian label.:thumbsup:
     
  14. alwaysforever

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    It took me a long time. I knew starting when I was a teenager that I didn't fit in and I probably never would, but I was very confused as to exactly what was going on. I really had to come to terms with my gender issues before figuring out my sexuality fully. I would say the whole process took 10 years or more from first realizing what was going on till coming out. It was a rough ride.
     
  15. whosamelia

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    I started questioning a bit over two years ago. I came out to everyone I know online February last year, so about 9 months afterwards. Then last week I came out to real life people for the first time, about 8 in total! I didn't think it would be happening soon, but it just kinda did, it wasn't even scary after the first one and everybody was fine with it. Very happy, it gives me courage for sure.
     
  16. QuecksilverEyes

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    I started questioning when I was about fourteen, but shoved it aside and forced myself to forget about it. In 2014 I realised for myself that I was bisexual after questioning for a few months. Last July I first came out to a friend of mine, and then to my family.
     
  17. XVI

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    Something clicked when I was 14. Then I was able to look back on life with my new-found self, and everything made sense.

    Came out when I was 16/17 to my best friend. So, about 2 and a half to 3 years to come out.
     
  18. MindvsHeart

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    I started questioning when I was 14 but I didn't really come out to myself until I was 18.
    Those first couple of months I just researched like crazy, interacted with others in the LGBTQ community and also had discussions with my psychologist. After I got to a point where I was comfortable with myself and had the encouragement from my psychologist, I came out to my sister around the middle of that year because she's always been my most staunch supporter in everything. After that followed my close friends, my brother, and then my mom near the end of the year.

    The last was the toughest and it included some tears and some explaining, but it was the most liberating I've ever felt in my life. And thankfully, all the people I've come out to have accepted me. At this point, I'm pretty content with who knows and I don't care who else finds out, y'know? I have my support network and my family so...I can face anybody else who does find out for sure. :slight_smile:

    I wish you all the best Mochii! :3 Come out when you feel you're ready and take all the time you need. Because at the end of the day, you are who you are and your identity/orientation is 100% valid regardless.

    Take care!,
    -MvH.
     
  19. YinYang

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    I have always questioned my sexuality, but it wasn't until last year that I came to terms with the fact that I wasn't completely straight. At first, I thought I was lesbian, then straight, and back and forth, then came bisexual. I then found the term 'pansexual' a couple months ago and it just clicked. It completely, 100% fits me. I told my closest friend about being pansexual first, then two more friends. I just recently came out to my mom.
    Just remember, you don't have to come out if you're not ready, but someday, you will be. I promise. Until then, good luck! (*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  20. Truth teller

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    I've liked girls since I was 3 or 4 years old, my first crush was on a girl at nursery.
    I'm in the same boat as you, I haven't come out yet, I probably won't for a long time...I know my family wouldn't accept it because they're very religous.