Here is my story. As a kid would mess around with girls and discreetly guys. With girls it was a relationship but hard to get laid. With guys we just wanted the same thing to get off. Married for almost 30yrs now with kids. Thought I was done with the guy thing but find myself thinking about it even thou I have not acted on it. It's driving me crazy. Wife is very anti gay. Want to tell her but I love her and my kids very much and don't want to ruin it. I did not ask for these feelings it's hard to ignore them.
What do you mean by "but hard to get laid"? Are you saying that you were not that sexually aroused by girls, but were more sexually aroused by boys? Are you saying that your married sex life has now become diminished but that you are still wanting to "get off" with other men instead of her, rather than feeling disinterested in sex. If your wife is "anti-gay", she may be trying to tell you something about yourself. Wives can usually sense that there is "something wrong" even if they don't know exactly what it is. When you say you want to tell her, but you don't want to "ruin it", you are suggesting that you think that if you come out to her, she will want a divorce or have some kind of major negative reaction (which would not be all that uncommon). Since you say you don't want to "ruin it", maybe you should consider marriage counseling first, to make sure that both of you still want to be in this marriage. Sometimes the desire to engage in gay relationships outside the marriage is an indication of other problems inside the marriage, and the attention to the gay issue is a sort of escape mechanism to an imagined world you once enjoyed (and still might again, but no guarantees). If you feel that you can't even discuss your thoughts with your wife, a properly trained therapist dealing with sexuality issues for just you might be a better place to start, so you can get your own thoughts organized and figure out the intensity of your own feelings about your male attractions before getting her involved in the process.
