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Coming Out as Bisexual to very conservative Christian parents and family..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Silversun, Jul 6, 2015.

  1. Silversun

    Silversun Guest

    Hey everybody! Here's just a few things about my background before I dive into what I want to say, or ask..

    I come from a very, very conservative Christian family. This same family is Puerto Rican, and from experience and from knowing many other Puerto Ricans, often times we're very tradition oriented; families are often extensive, and whether they're Christian or not, many Puerto Ricans only tolerate the traditional heterosexual man-and-woman relationship and marriage. Gay relationships are often looked down upon, and many people are even disgusted by them. So, speeding up to the point I am at now, while I am Puerto Rican born, we're not currently living there, with us actually living in the states after moving outside of Puerto Rico when I was 4. I am a closeted bisexual guy who shares very different views with the rest of my family (they're right leaning, conservative, don't support marriage equality), and while I secretly don't agree with them on many different things, I'm still very close with them, and love my family to death.

    But, at the same time, I'm going to college here in the states very soon and am starting to become my own person. I understand that it'd be best to come out afterward college and getting a job since I'd be able to support myself and I'm not relying on my parents anymore, but I just don't know how to prepare myself for the heartbreak that is inevitable when I do come out to them, my family. I know that it is them that won't accept me and that there is nothing wrong with being bisexual, but the thought of disconnecting from them, or even being disowned by them because of my orientation scares me. I'm really close with them, and want to stay close to them, but I also want to stay true to myself and fully be myself.. the thought of coming out to the world is liberating. I know this all sounds a bit jumbled, it's hard writing out what has been flowing through my mind in an organized manner, but I just don't know what to do.. They're very strong in their beliefs, and there is no way that they'd accept me fully for who I am. The thought of breaking off from them permanently is so frightening, and heartbreaking.
     
  2. Donovan99

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Alabama
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I agree on waiting for self support. I'm not dissing bisexuals or anything because I used to be one but I would wait till you find the one. Like marriage wise. If it's a female you don't have to worry, if it's male tell them. This is because marriage is a commitment. It's something I believe should last forever. Talk about this with a close friend, it may help.
     
  3. Aspen

    Advisor Full Member

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    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm going to disagree with Donovan. When it's safe, I think you should come out to your family regardless of who you're dating or even if you're dating anyone at all. I think waiting and only coming out if you're in a relationship with a man runs into problems. For one, your family might refuse to accept you as bi and believe you're gay. Another being that it doesn't sound like you want to have to cut all ties off with your family and doing so for the exclusive reason of being in a same-sex relationship could foster resentment. Also, if you come out before being in a relationship and you don't have to sever ties with your family, you'll be able to be upfront about your SOs.

    I'm in a similar situation a few years ahead of you. My family is Catholic, heavily conservative, and very homophobic. I just graduated from college and now I'm waiting until I can move out and become financially stable before I come out to my family. I'm also in an almost-two-year relationship with a woman that my whole family thinks is just a friend.

    I'm not sure there really is anything you can do to prepare yourself for the heartbreak. I suggest education in situations of ignorance but I'm not sure that's going to help in this case. We can imagine all the possibilities in the world for another person's reaction to something but the truth is we don't really know how they'll react until it happens.
     
  4. Contact1111

    Contact1111 Guest

    Joined:
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    Location:
    New Paltz, NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    The best thing that you should do in this situation is to first put some distance between you and your parents. You should get used to the feeling of going some significant time without talking to them. Once you tell them this, it is possible that you will never hear from them ever again. This will help to prepare you for that if it happens. There is also some possibility that they will not turn on you over this. I also believed that my parents were going to turn their backs on me over this, but they didn't even come close to having that sort of reaction. You really have no idea at all.

    Definitely wait until you are self sufficient. Do not put yourself in a dangerous situation where if they turn on you, you have nowhere to go.