Coming out to Mom + writing letter

I am coming out to my mom tomorrow and am trying to write a letter. (I have to tell her tomorrow because reasons) I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my letter. Thank you ^.^ (sorry it is long)


Dear Mom,


I would like to start this letter by saying, I love you. I know that we haven't been very close lately and don't always see eye-to-eye, but at the end of the day, you are my mom and I will love you unconditionally. I know things are stressful for you right now, and I am supposed to wait for the right time. So I am sorry that this probably isn't the right time, but I am hoping this will bring us closer. I am finally ready to open up and be completely honest with you. I want you to know I am not telling you this to hurt you, or make life more difficult for you. I hope you will continue to love and support me.


I am transgender.


Scientifically speaking, this means that my gender identity (my brain) does not match my biological sex (my body). This, for me, causes gender dysphoria, or the condition of feeling one's emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one's biological sex. In my own words, it's a horrible feeling that causes depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, along with other terrible emotions. It makes me feel so out of place within myself, that I can't look into a mirror and feel the slightest bit of happiness. Somedays it brings me to tears, and others, it doesn't bother me. It is always there, even though I don't know why, it just is.


I have felt this way since I was three years old. Up until I was 5-6, I thought I would "develop" later and everyone else would realize their mistake. After that I tried to accept that I was a girl, even though I was not happy with it. I remember very clearly when I was 8, at the time when the school handed out girl and boy scout pamphlets, that I would be happier if I could live as a boy, but at the time I thought that this was impossible and decided I would wait till these feelings went away. Around 11-12 we learned about (and I started) puberty. This for me was terrifying. My body was becoming something alien and disturbing to me. I started to completely disconnect from my body, to the point when I would catch myself in a mirror and not recognize the young girl looking back at me. During these past few years I have been dealing with my depression, anxiety and a lot of self hate with stemmed from me being afraid of and denying who I really am. Growing up, the only examples I have seen of transgender people have been sensationalized characters on trash t.v and as the punchline of crude jokes. This made me feel like I could never tell anyone how I felt because it would make me some kind of freak. I know now that this is not true. Last year I decided I would try to figure out why I feel this way. I thought maybe I just liked to look androgynous (gender neutral), then I moved on to gender fluid ( moving between feeling male, female, both, or neither). I eventually though lots of thinking, researching and experimenting l land on the term; Female-to-Male Transgender. Then after more research, including videos, books, talking to transgender people, blogs, youtubers, scientific studies and articles; I finally accepted that I am a boy, and that is okay.


I know you may be thinking that this is just a phase. That's ok, I worried about that myself for a long time too. If this is a phase, I want you to be here with me, and supporting me while I go through it. This is what I want right now, and I'll let you know if that changes. But for now, this is who I am and where I am, and I would love it if you would meet me here.


Love, Your son


Alexander