The title pretty much sums everything up. I am coming around to the idea that I, just like everyone else who is homosexual in any way, lives a semi-dual life at least where some people just don't know that I'm into both men AND women. (or anyone really). But I'm in the Navy. As much as you might THINK it's a breeding ground for gays it's rather homophobic at times. But the problem is, as this is becoming more and more of an identity to myself, I can't help but wonder whether or not it's relevant to come out. What is really the point of coming out at all? Especially if your immediate boss (and closest work friend/direct partner) is openly not supportive of homosexual rights or normalization of the image. Another question that I am having a hard time answering deals with my kids. Again, I have a rather normal marriage (if you'll excuse the lack of a gender role I typically play in tandem with my wife's girly one) and neither my wife nor I ever intend to impose any kind of genders on our kids once they are old enough to choose. (I have no issues, but she still is convinced he shouldn't be allowed to like pink yet until he understands it's generally recognized as a girly color. *shrug*) So when they grow up should I ever even tell them that their dad is pan? And if my personality is so naturally androgenous, why even tell people? They all seem to catch on anyway. I guess I'm asking why I want everyone to know that I'm bi even though it really doesn't CHANGE anything about my life. It's merely putting another adjective to my name. (I already have computer nerd, vegan, weakling, and mentally unstable all added on there so...) That ran long. there's a lot more I'm still pondering over, including my own gender (I think I've always run from girl- as it's socially unacceptable for a boy to be girly, and man- because... I... just don't really know. I don't agree with the label for myself) which DOES somewhat play a role in my interpersonal relationships (I don't even like my own voice; I talk deeper around other people than I like my voice to be, and I already have a comparatively high pitch.) :icon_redf
The point of coming out is the idea of being able to tell people who you really are. No more hiding. If you feel like you will get satisfaction from it, then I think you should. But it's easier said than done. People have differing opinions and you will get bad mouthed and/or weird looks. But it's okay. The problem lies with them, not yourself. I think our sexuality should not define who we are as people. But we can also use sexuality to identify ourselves and understand ourselves better. I hope this made sense.
It did. I suppose I'm still dealing with the ramifications of my sexuality playing into my general personality. My sexuality is a minor factor into how I relate with other people, but my desire to not be judged for being girly or sensitive or shy or bashful or crying or all those things that men "just don't do" is a BIG part of me. However, is coming out supposed to be a way of saying "accept it; screw your opinion," or is it supposed to be my way of saying "please don't hate me for what I'm about to be?" That came out a lot more freudian than I thought it would. I guess I don't know what coming out is. I've never understood why it was a big deal until now. My wife doesn't care, my family told me in elementary school that I could love or date or be whomever I wanted, but now I have friends who I'm afraid will treat me poorly if I act as small and heartfelt and... female as I really am inside. I used to say I was a lot like a hippie but I'm really just compassionate and that scares people for some reason. Sorry, talking out loud fills the gaps my mind never bothered to explain to itself. I'm not even sure if I want to tell my wife that I feel like a mixbetween a guy and girl and she's heard it all before. When I was little and wished I could change to be a girl and how I never had boy FRIENDS because they acted different in groups than individually. They were too violent. But the girls could get too touchy-feely too. But I loved being rough, just not THAT rough, and I loved to paint my nails and do MASH in school but thought makeup was atrocious. I even hid it as a kid. I don't even think I'm ready for me, let alone anyone else.
In today's society, you will be judged for almost anything. It's the annoying gender roles implemented in our lives. I have been so strict on this with my family. They've learned to stop using gender roles and anything of that sort. It is a horrible aspect of society but you will also find people who accept you and actually adore it. I work in retail currently and all my coworkers around me respect and love the different people who walk in everyday. Of course, there are also customers who walk in and share their comments of disgust to us. We just brush it off. They stick to what they know which makes them comfortable. That's a pretty bad way of living if you ask me. Coming out is never exactly the same for one another. It can be whatever fits your life. It should never be "please don't hate me." Although it is natural because we long for acceptance from others. In this case, I believe it's to really speak about how you feel. How you are male & female. If you're not ready for yourself yet either, then it's fine. Think about it some more until you're fully set. If you're scared about your friend disliking you afterwards, then they may not be the best people to have in your life. You may have known them for decades and it's never easy to lose people. If they don't understand yet, they may come around as well. Perhaps they don't understand and need time too. We are all learning as we go. All in all, I say if you're not ready, take some more time to know yourself. If you're ready or not to face all the possible scenarios that may come along afterwards. I'm also just seventeen so I don't know too much but I hope this helped.
I've just reread myself and I hope my point didn't come across as coming out having to be mandatory. Coming out shouldnt even been a thing
If I know anything it is that age is meaningless. You are the only person who has given me advice at all on anything of this sort. Thank you. It's the fact that I don't know them very well but I literally have to live with them for weeks or months at a time (we share bunk beds at work; Naval ships suck). But thank you. It's a positive thing to hear someone else validate me by acknowledging my gender, too. For once. I've always agreed. Coming out is a weird standard this community has set. It should simply be recognized as how people are, not an "us vs them" affair. I guess it's time to look into options as far as my own person goes. I'll be wearing my earrings and painting my toenails with a bit more pride, now though!
