My Christmas plans...

I've always been extremely open about discussing my futures and dreams - even if they are ridiculed. The exception of course being my love life, in part because of my refusal to accept myself, family pressures, and religious reasons. So my parent's know what I want to go, what I want to do and who I want to be. They even know I eventually want to adopteek children and get married.

But I my mom still desperately wants to believe that I'm going to get married to one of the other gender - even though she knows I'm attracted to men as I was sort of outed to her by my father. And of course they believe I will do the "Biblical thing"

For example, the other night
Mom: "You know your going to have a hard time paying for all your traveling if you become a social worker"
Me: "Yeah, well hopefully my future spouse will be a rich doctor"
Mom: "Yeah and then you two could have kids"(sort of out of the blue)
Me; Well, you know I'd rather adopt. Their are enough children in the world.
Mom: "Yeah well I would love adopted grandchildren just the same." Just make sure to tell the girl(she added emphasis) before you marry her."

And this is just one of many conversations like this.
So, I'm planning on telling her we need to talk in private. Then I'll explain to her my plans, and ask her about her concerns and questions. I'm not quite sure how I'll explain this to my dad.

From there I want to talk to my grandmother about my sexuality. She doesn't know about me being gay as far as I know - and she is still hoping for me to marry a nice girl. But there isn't anyone in my life that I am closer to - and even though I know she won't understand me being gay, I know she'll still love me. She's always been there for me. I just really hope it won't affect our relationship. I'm less sure about telling my grandfather because of hair style I was contemplating he called me a fag. As much as that hurt, we are still incredibly close.

Finally, that leaves probably my closest friend. We will probably take a road trip together so there will be plenty of time, and it's probably the most opportune moment I'll get. He's divided on the issue from a morality perspective - he has several close gay friends so I know he'll take it fine. It's just awkward because we've discussed the issue so much since I've known him.

Anyway, I'm hoping these efforts will go better than the last 2 where someone walked in right when I was getting ready to speak the words and some technology issues with a friend back home.

So I figure that by putting it into writing it's going to make it happen this time...right?

And of course, I'll be shocked if this stays between my parents/grandparents and me. Everything always seems to get out. But thats why I'm going to those closest to me first so I can do it on my own terms. Oh and if I'm lucky enough I might even fly under the radar as far as family controversies go. My cousin will be bringing her girlfriend with her to Christmas again. So I'm sure that will be the hot topic. Thanks all, sorry its such a long read.

 

thx for the advice, I did something a little similar to that. I really appreciate it.

this is my first time logging in since I really haven't wanted my parents to stalk my login...but with me explaining things I don't think they will.

But anyway, I explained the things that needed to be cleared up.
First, everyone had believed that I had been seeing this girl and that we had recently had a breakup. All of that was a 1/2 truth...and so I explained to her that I wasn't attracted to the girl but that we were good friends again. She made the comment that somteimes good freinds end up liking eachother and I told her that I didn't think that would happen between us. She asked why....and well thats when I explained I was gay.

I suppose my struggle with pornography as a teen(I was the one that brought the issue to them - I wanted to get past it, and they were clueless at the time) didn't tip them off - they thought I was just confused. But regardless, after explaining that I was confident I was gay I also explained that I really do intend on getting married and adopting children. I believe she would prefer for me to be single but I explained that I wanted to experience love just as anyone else. She told me she had to think things over and that it would be hardest to tell my father and grandfather. Thats true enough. I told her that I wanted to tell dad - but that she could talk to my aunts/grandmother(I'm telling her tommorow)/or GLBT cousins...which I think may of helped. She needs to let out some of her emotions. I also offered her support from other groups like PFLAG but she said she would figure things out.

Anyway, I don't really expect this to change our relationship. It's probably the strongest its's been in a long time right now...we've just been more honest with eachother as of late. So I'm glad...and for now I guess I'm here to support her.

Now to figure out how to explain this to dad. :dry: