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Advice coming out to my parents who may think I am gay

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Caddyats13, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. Caddyats13

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    Sure there are threads on this but need advice. I am pretty sure my parents think I am gay and I want to tell them, but can't ever seem to get the words out.

    I had this girl best friend in undergrad who everyone thought we were a couple because we were so close. Had I been straight it would have been perfect. Anyway to fend off my parents I lied and told them that we were dating and kept that going for a few years. In my process of coming out to myself this year I told them that we broke up because I hate to lie and it was killing me.

    On Mother's Day this year, awhile we were driving to a restaurant, told me that my father has this theory that I might be gay because my lack of dating. At that point I had just come out to my best friend,it was just horrible timing and I was shocked so I said no.

    Since coming out to myself I have been really distant with my parents in particular my father. My father has had a substance abuse problem my whole life but we used to be close and I could talk to him about anything. Over this past year his substance abuse issues have bothered me more and due to my own pain this year I have been super distant with him. I feel bad because since he has substance abuse issues I'm not sure how much longer he may be here and it would kill me to be this distant with him if he died tomorrow lets just say.

    I have also always been close with my mother and we talk about almost anything. Tonight on the phone with her she said: "we talk about most anything... well anything that you feel to share but know that you can talk to me about anything." From what she said I know she has prepared herself for me saying that I am gay to her.

    The ball is in my court I just can't seem to find the way to say it. I know I will feel 100 percent better. Any recommendations would be helpful!:eusa_doh:
     
  2. 50ishandout

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    Mom I'm Gay. Just say it to her. I said it to my mother. Doesn't make a difference if you are 51 or 15 she will still love you.
     
  3. Chip

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    They know. Metaphorically, they're pulling frantically on the closet door and you're desperately holding onto it.

    Let it go.

    The post above is as simple a solution as any. Or you could text or email. No long, drawn-out letter required, just "I'm gay."
     
  4. Yossarian

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    Just tell her that you have been resisting saying this until you could deny it to yourself no longer, but yes, I have accepted that I am gay, so now I am telling you and Dad that he was right, and figured it out before I did. That's all you really have to say to confirm it, because they already know.
     
  5. crazydog15

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    If your parents almost certainly already know that you're gay, then it's probably not them you're worried about. Maybe it's you. Just speaking for myself, coming out to my folks is damn near impossible. Why? Not because I'm worried about them cutting me off or throwing me out (I'm a little old for that anyway). It's because once you come out to someone, you can't unsay those words. There's no denying it anymore, and what was once hypothetical becomes real and irreversible. Maybe you should focus on making this a leap of faith to accept your own sexuality.
     
  6. Christiaan

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    I talk about this often, and I feel more strongly than most do about this.

    My mom knew for years. I came out on my own terms. I knew that she knew. She knew that I knew that she knew, and she knew that I knew this, which she hardly made a secret of. She also knew that I was not a fool, which I also knew.

    Being out is different. Your parents knew that you were gay when you were very very young. It would be very hard for them to explain how they knew, but they knew. Even when you were pooping in cheap disposable undergarments, I guarantee. Creepy, yeah? But coming out is what YOU do! It is not what they do.

    Try just talking as if you were already out. Try saying, "Dad, I know you would stand up for me if the wrong guy were pursuing me. You show you care every day." Try just things like that. Things you would only say if they knew.

    Because...being OUT is really just getting out of the habit of deception. It is doing what is really more natural for you to do. Quit the habit of lies. It is not good for you. I hope you will carry that with you forever. I hope you will remember, for all of your many years, the cost of untruth. It will make you more of a man.
     
  7. Caddyats13

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    So true untruth is eating me alive each day I am trying to be a full me, lately I just don't even know where to begin