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Christian, Bisexual, and Single. Is there even a point to coming out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by FuelsMySong, Jul 9, 2015.

  1. FuelsMySong

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    The first person I ever came out to was my mom. I came out to her as questioning when I was 16 (I'm turning this 20 this year) and she took it not amazingly but much better than I expected. After this, she outed me to my dad and he took it worse than I excepted because my dad had always been the more patient parent compared to my mom. He said it was a "phase" angrily and both of my parents, to this day, are still pretty much in denial. After a while, I started identifying as bisexual because I thought it fit most with my sexual attractions because even though I've never actually engaged in the act of sex, I fantasize about both men and women. I've also had crushes on both men and women throughout my life starting from when I was around 10 years old. I have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend either; I've been asked out by a couple of men and one woman and it just so happened that I was not interested in any of them and the people that I was actually interested in never really liked me back. I have called it an issue of timing after realizing that it's okay to be alone. I talked to a couple of my teachers about my sexual orientation back in high school when I was 16, as well (I went to a very open school with very kind, young, relatable teachers). A year later, I came out to one of my best friends; she has always respected my bisexuality as a part of me ever since I came out to her (she's Christian by the way, but more liberal politically).

    Eventually I started talking about bisexuality more and more with my other school friends and kind of let it slip that I'm bi but they didn't take it seriously. Then, in my first year of university, I told this girl that I used to have a crush on that I was bisexual and she was okay with it for the most part. The last person I came out to was my pastor, a year ago from now; her response was to pray my gay away and when I explained to her that I like men and women, not just women (i.e. I'm not gay), she told me that I just have not found the right guy yet and once I find him, my attraction to women will disappear. I was disappointed and saddened by this but I was glad that I at least did not get kicked out of the church because I genuinely enjoy learning about God and being a part of my small church.

    Lately, I've been thinking about coming out to my youth group. We are a small group of about 10 people who meet once a week and span the age range of 18-29. Sometimes, we share what we've read in our bibles along with a thought that came to mind while reading the certain bible verse or passage. I wrote a very personal "coming out letter" addressed to God and was thinking about sharing this letter with them along with a bible passage that corresponds to it but I don't know if I should. There is always something that is stopping me. When I was younger, I had always thought about coming out to my youth pastor. He is in charge of teaching people who are around ages 13-17. I never got around to coming out to him because fear always set in and to this day, he still doesn't know about my sexual orientation and we rarely speak, we just exchange hellos during service.

    I guess I don't really see how or why it would be necessary for me to share this fact about myself to my youth group. I do consider them my close friends and some of them are pro-lgbt while a few others are anti-lgbt. However, I'm not really afraid of the reaction of the anti-lgbt people, in fact, I couldn't care less. It's just that I don't know if there is any point to me coming out right now because I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend and maybe I'm afraid they could use this fact to argue that I'm not bisexual (my mom has certainly tried this tactic before). My prepared retort would be that straight girls who have never had boyfriends know that they want to be with a man and because of this, they know that they're heterosexual even though they've never actually had boyfriends. In the same way, I know that I want to be with either a man or a woman and because of this, I know that I'm bisexual even though I have never had any boyfriends or girlfriends. I really don't know. I just feel like I'm hiding something from them. Every time my youth group talks about LGBT issues, romantic relationships, celebrity crushes, or anything of the likeā€¦I feel like I'm hiding; I feel like I'm hiding even though I am very vocal to them about my support for the LGBT community. I also usually stick to talking about my attractions towards men and on very rare occasions, I talk about my attractions towards women but when I do talk about my same sex attractions, I always feel like I'm playing the role of the straight girl who says bicurious things for laughs. I am just not sure what to do. Has anyone had a similar experience? If so, I would really appreciate some help/insights. Thank you.
     
  2. QueerTransEnby

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    I just wanted to say how much I applaud you as a fellow bi Christian. I never told my youth pastor either. Then again, things were a lot different in 2002. I think it's awesome how you wrote a coming out letter to God and included verses in the letter.

    I had a similar experience in coming out to my mom in that she originally took it well. My dad being a head elder at my old church(I'm currently church hunting) did not take it as well. In a typical authoritarian fashion, he changed how my mom acted around me. I think she filled her head with a lot of fear.

    Anyways, regarding your college age group, I recommend coming out to the people you know are pro-lgbt first. Only address the issue in the group if the topic of homosexuality comes up.

    I highly recommend the following two sites:

    SAME-SEX RELATIONSHIPS IN THE BIBLE: CONSERVATIVE AND LIBERAL VIEWPOINTS

    Gay Christian 101 - Affirming Bible truth and God's good news for all LGBTs.

    These will defend you against homophobic debates.

    Good luck and God bless you! I pray that the Holy Spirit would give you peace.