english is not my language so i m sorry for any mistake iam 17 yo male this start with me a month ago i was or what i remember a straight guy i was turned on by girls and have a romantical experiances with girls i was mastrubate daily on girls or straight porn but a month ago after i mastrubate 3 times in that day on straight porn i look at a girl at tv and she dosent turned me on as usual its okay for now but then i remember what a gay guy say that "i hated girls and i cant turned on by girls" the panic start with high anxiety that cant stop "i was one of the most defenders of LGBT rights so i have nothing against gays but i dont know why this panic and anxiety came from" i cant sleeping nor eating just checking my oreantaition just looking at guys and girls to see my responses 24/7 the anxiety wont dissapeare the panic is 24 h/d after 1 week of anxiety and panic i got a deppresion so i start taking an anti deppresion drugs and it was good the deppresion dissolved but the questioning and checking cant stop after this i discovered the hocd and it was my case it calmed me down for some days but the questioning cant stop then i read on this forum that hocd doesnt exist its just people in denail and to be honest it give me a panic but whatever after this i said to my self that im just in denail and i just should accept that i am a gay or bi maybe after this i tried to mastubate on gay thought but i cant get an erection so i start to move my private area until i got an partly erection and try to imagine myself in gay possions after imaginig i got a panic and the erection dissolved so again i returned to say that i am straight and not gay"by the way this whole month i was mastrubate on staight porn it was daily i think "its kind of wierd but the questioning cant stop then i go and watch gay porn photos to check my reaction i scrolled for 30 min and i cant get and erection and with scrolling ive notice some straight photos i think they turned me on so after this i say to my self your straight thats enough stop questioning but then i say iam just a gay in denail "i dont know why but my mind cant calmed down" and now am dying between the idea of "im staright and its just ocd " and "i am just denying that i am a gay " i realy try hard to admit that am a gay but i cant i dont know why i am an atheist so i dont have any religous rejects and i really dont care what people would say something inside told me iam agay but i dont know what it is please any one that have a denial experience to write his experience in the replies and i have another questions can a gay guy turned on by girls and mastrubate on straight thoughts or porn or have a romantical experiances with girls ?? or see that gayness is kind of dissgusting ? or feel anxious or panic after try to imagine a gay possions ? and does hocd realy exist cuz in the past i have a serious ocd cases more than one and they stucked for years ? please heellpp any reply can help im dying i just want the truth i just want to calm the questioning and live my life normal i have a serios suicidal thoughts i cant sit for just 5 min without questioning so please dont ignore my massege your reply may safe a life im serios
Hi. It looks like you're in a kinda place where you don't really know how you feel yet. But that's ok. Don't push yourself. Calm down - it's not something you have to decide right here right now. I don't know if you're straight or gay only you can know that and I promise you you will know. Maybe not now maybe in a few months or years but you will know. I know what's ocd but what's hocd?
its type of ocd that a hetrosexual invidauls start douting about orentation "or gay dout that hes a hetro" or bi doubt that hes just homo or hetro and it make abig anxiety
Hey,Bora.please try to calm down and dont worry.you couldnt define your orientation just by watching porn. many gays get excited while watching straight porn and otherwise.and are you gay, bi or hetero-all options are good.Being gay is not a desease.
I think you just need to calm down and let things be. For what it's worth this doesn't sound similar to my experiences at all, I've only ever been attracted to guys, but I can only speak for myself. I'm afraid I don't know much about the LGBT environment where you live and therefore whether such a thing is possible but maybe counselling would help you overcome this anxiety, regardless of the cause?
Like everyone else has said, there is no panic to be yourself. There is no reason to get all worked up. Also, porn is not a good indicator of sexuality at all. If you need anything feel free to message me. (*hug*)
im not saying its a desease and i mention that iam one of the most deffenders of LGBT rights i think i was totally straight but thats cycle start a month ago its really hell to dont know how you are i think if this still for another month i will totally suicide my mind now start to go to the hocd but i dont know what will happen in the coming houres ---------- Post added 9th Jul 2015 at 05:54 PM ---------- and by the way i really try to say that i am a gay but questioning wont stop so id say thats enough you'r 24 h/d checking by looking at guys and you dont get any erection and when you notice a girls butt for seconds you obviosly turned on and get an erection so does that mean im still straight ? and if i imagine myself a gay possion i feel sick and kind of dissgusting but something inside me say i am gay or bi and that "sick and dissgust" its just because you new on this or you Pretend this cuz you dont wont the truth"weired IMMM dyyiing can thiis be reeaal just denial ????!! any one with denial experince just write your experince and did that what was happening to you ?
