english is not my language so i m sorry for any mistake iam 17 yo male this start with me a month ago i was or what i remember a straight guy i was turned on by girls and have a romantical experiances with girls i was mastrubate daily on girls or straight porn but a month ago after i mastrubate 3 times in that day on straight porn i look at a girl at tv and she dosent turned me on as usual its okay for now but then i remember what a gay guy say that "i hated girls and i cant turned on by girls" the panic start with high anxiety that cant stop "i was one of the most defenders of LGBT rights so i have nothing against gays but i dont know why this panic and anxiety came from" i cant sleeping nor eating just checking my oreantaition just looking at guys and girls to see my responses 24/7 the anxiety wont dissapeare the panic is 24 h/d after 1 week of anxiety and panic i got a deppresion so i start taking an anti deppresion drugs and it was good the deppresion dissolved but the questioning and checking cant stop after this i discovered the hocd and it was my case it calmed me down for some days but the questioning cant stop then i read on this forum that hocd doesnt exist its just people in denail and to be honest it give me a panic but whatever after this i said to my self that im just in denail and i just should accept that i am a gay or bi maybe after this i tried to mastubate on gay thought but i cant get an erection so i start to move my private area until i got an partly erection and try to imagine myself in gay possions after imaginig i got a panic and the erection dissolved so again i returned to say that i am straight and not gay"by the way this whole month i was mastrubate on staight porn it was daily i think "its kind of wierd but the questioning cant stop then i go and watch gay porn photos to check my reaction i scrolled for 30 min and i cant get and erection and with scrolling ive notice some straight photos i think they turned me on so after this i say to my self your straight thats enough stop questioning but then i say iam just a gay in denail "i dont know why but my mind cant calmed down" and now am dying between the idea of "im staright and its just ocd " and "i am just denying that i am a gay " i realy try hard to admit that am a gay but i cant i dont know why i am an atheist so i dont have any religous rejects and i really dont care what people would say something inside told me iam agay but i dont know what it is please any one that have a denial experience to write his experience in the replies and i have another questions can a gay guy turned on by girls and mastrubate on straight thoughts or porn or have a romantical experiances with girls ?? or see that gayness is kind of dissgusting ? or feel anxious or panic after try to imagine a gay possions ? and does hocd realy exist cuz in the past i have a serious ocd cases more than one and they stucked for years ? please heellpp any reply can help im dying i just want the truth i just want to calm the questioning and live my life normal i have a serios suicidal thoughts i cant sit for just 5 min without questioning so please dont ignore my massege your reply may safe a life im serios
I can't really help you with this and all I can say is that you gotta give it time and patience to figure it out. And I'm very serious with this. You can't expect that you know in an hour or tomorrow and are 100% sure, even I'm still not. So just give it time, maybe try out things and I'm sure everything will fall in place. And maybe distract yourself a bit so it's not constantly on your mind. So take a deep breath and relax even if that's easier said than done.
Heyy there is no rush to decide anything. Give it some time. There is no "point" when you are ready or know if you are gay or not, just be the awesome person you are and do what you feel like and things should get by like they are supposed to.
It's okay just breathe. Like the others said, it takes a while to understand yourself. It took me a very long time to figure out who I am. Ask yourself, are you attracted to men? Don't just look at porn to decide but think, have you ever seen a guy that just really "gets you going" so to speak? From what you've said it doesn't sound like you're gay, but you could be bi, who knows? That's for you to discover. Just because one day you aren't attracted to girls doesn't mean you're not straight. maybe you've been looking at a lot of porn lately and you're just kind of "desensitized" for a moment. Ask yourself, did you genuinely enjoy your romantic experiences you've had with girls? Most of all just relax, it will be revealed to you over time. It's going to be okay just calm down. Maybe you could try experimenting with guys? Or maybe, this might sound a little gross, but try some buttplay to be honest it might open your eyes to a whole new world. But just take your time. Im sorry, I wish I could help you more, I don't know anything about OCD, maybe try counseling? Just stick in there and please please please don't hurt yourself. It'll all be okay. (*hug*)
Suicidal ideation is a medical emergency. If you can, get to an emergency room if it gets too bad. It is something that absolutely warrents serious medical attention. Here is someone writing about how to help improve your chances of success: Five Lessons I Learned from Visiting the ER with Suicidal Ideation Do not take suicidal ideation lightly. You are in as serious a situation as if you had any serious physical illness, and you are obligated to take it seriously. Contact a suicide hotline now. Don't wait. Call them. You are in an emergency right now, just as if you were bleeding from an open wound. It is very dangerous to take suicidal thoughts lightly. They have trained experts, and they could recommend you for medical intervention. Call. ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2015 at 06:53 AM ---------- Also, the most wonderful men that I have ever known were bisexual men. One is my ex, whom I still have feelings of fondness toward, and the other is my partner, deceased. For some of us, bisexual men are preferable. They understand men, like me, who are not 100% masculine. ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2015 at 06:56 AM ---------- Here is what I THINK is the site for Israel's suicide help services: ((No, wrong site)) ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2015 at 06:57 AM ---------- [/COLOR]Is that the right site? ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2015 at 07:00 AM ---------- No, something is wrong. Here, this site gives you the number, at least. The site has changed, apparently. Israel Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Israel Suicide Hotlines, Israel Suicide Hotlines, Israel Suicide Hotlines, Israel Suicide Hotlines! ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2015 at 07:04 AM ---------- Okay, I found another site. See if this one has better use for you. ער"ן- עזרה ר×שו×*×” ×*פשית בטלפון ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2015 at 07:07 AM ---------- Here is a place called Sahar that looks promising, too: סהר - סיוע והקשבה ברשת ---------- Post added 11th Jul 2015 at 07:08 AM ---------- Please, don't delay. You have a responsibility to get help now. Set a good example for others, and call before things go wrong.
thanks all for the replies im good and i feel good now i truly understand my case and start working on to calm i think im truly straight and not gay or bi its OCD i compare this case to my ocd cases in the past it was veryy close and the case of me is kind of common in ocd community its called HOCH its type of pure obsessions ocds its a thought then anxiety/panic the complusve:checking then relief and the cycle goes that what ocd do thanks guys keep defending your rights!!
I also agree you sound more than likely straight. Being my age and some long relationships with straight men the last being 2006 till 2013 I have dealt with a couple of bouts with it not working properly... The stress you felt by no longer being aroused by the lady on tv is enough to spin you into a bout with erection problems and worse yet you started jumping to conclusions right away about your identity. I have had my husband loose his job and the stress of worry about providing cause the same issue before. He had me to work around and ease his stress in bed with understanding which got things right back to normal. You are not doing it with a partner, so 3 times earlier that day plus sudden stress equals soft wienie in my opinion. It sounds to me you worry a lot and have some pre-conceived notion what a "real" straight man should be and that is the first place I would work on resolving your problem. Walk in confidence you as you are is good and take your life one day at a time. After all you are just starting out! June
