My homophobic Christian mom saw me kissing another girl?

What your mom did was unacceptable. Shaming her own child about being herself and loving others. That is wrong.


What is not wrong, however, is being attracted the same sex. Hundreds of thousands of animal species practice homosexuality, so it is not unnatural.

There is no excuse for what your mother did, or what the pastor did. The fact that she isn't even looking at you shows how narrow minded she is.

Everyone on EC is here to help you. Unfortunately,your situation is all too common. This is a great community.

You need to remember that no matter what she says or does, you are still you. Liking another girl doesn't make you a freak, it means you are capable of love, which is a great thing. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with your friend.

Just hang in there. In the end, all this shit gets worked out. If you ever need anything, feel free to message me, I'd love to help. (*hug*)

 

What a sucky situation to be in! (*hug*) It'll blow over and get better eventually.

I've never gone through anything like that. I did know a girl who was about 16 and a similar situation happened. They were falling for each other, the girls parents thought they were just friends and then walked in on them kissing. The other girl got thrown out, the parents girl got sent to live with her brother 2 hours away (though I think the girl actually ended up choosing to do that herself after her parents convinced her).

I doubt you'll be sent away anywhere and hopefully you'll be out of school soon anyway. But this girl and her parents do get on now, so thats something.

I'm not sure where you should go with this. Give her a couple weeks and try not to bring it up, hopefully she'll slowly come to terms with it. Maybe send her a few links or print out some info about the lgbt community as a whole? Try to explain that this is who you are and what is right for you?

Some other people will probably have much better advice. I really just wanted to say I hope you're okay, and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Edit: And I agree what your mum did was unacceptable. Don't let her get to you and make you feel guilty or wrong.

 

You did nothing wrong and it's your mother who should be ashamed. She made you feel terrible for something that is completely natural. She'll probably get over it eventually, or at least get used to it. Untill then, maybe you should try and have a calm conversation with her. But you know her best. Is this something that's better to let alone for right now, or should you talk with her?

 

Similar thing happened to me and what I did was apologise, told my parents it was a mistake and that it would never happen again. Took awhile for them to believe me, I actually had to get into a full on relationship with a guy for them to finally believe me which I feel terrible about a) because going out with him was pretty uncomfortable and b) because I was basically just stringing him along which was a pretty bitchy, selfish move on my part. So I wouldn't necessarily say what I did was the right thing at all, definitely some of it was a major mistake. Basically how you need and want to handle this really depends on you. Do you want to go with it and maybe come out properly even just to your mum or do you want to go back to how it was before? All I know is, don't force yourself or let anyone force you into a relationship you don't feel comfortable with (with a guy you don't like for example), try not to take any negative things your mum or anyone else might say to heart. most likely they are just confused and not sure what to do, if now feels like the right time to come out then yay good for you but if it doesn't then maybe just say it was a one time thing. You are really the best person to judge, I don't know you mum or how she will act or how easily she will be convinced that what she caught you doing wasn't a big deal, I know for my mum it took a lot to convince her and I think some of the things I had to do to convince her actually hurt more that just sticking with the truth and dealing with her negative feelings about it as they came. Not sure if this is much help, kinda feel like i'm just talking in circles but if I was you I know I would just be happy to know people care-and they do, I promise! I know that it feels really shitty to be in your situation but you are amazing just the way you are so try not to change to much for the people you love because ultimately you are who you are and you just need to surround yourself with people who love the real you. Stay strong! <3

 

There is nothing wrong or unnatural with you liking girls better than boys; that is just how some of us are born. Your mother is wrong in both her understanding of you and her handling of the situation; the pastor even worse, since he apparently doesn't understand reality either. I would suggest that you get some PFLAG information for her, and see if you can get a copy of "Prayers for Bobby" for her to watch, or find it on You Tube and talk her into watching it, so she can see the kind of damage that she is doing to you with her religion-based bigotry and ignorance.

 

I know it's been said already, but neither you nor your friend did anything wrong, and there's absolutely no reason at all for you to feel bad about it. Zip, zero, none, the end.

As far as your mom goes though, assuming she's otherwise been a pretty good mom up till now, I wouldn't be too hard on her. Odds are she's been hearing all her life not just that homosexuality is wrong, but that if she were a good enough mom, her kids would be straight & happy. Of course, this isn't remotely true - it's like blaming your parenting skills when your kids turn out left-handed! - but I nonetheless wouldn't be at all surprised if she's convinced she's failed you in some way and is feeling guilty and ashamed herself. (It's entirely possible for someone like your mom to be both perpetrator AND victim of this homophobic strand in Christian culture, unfortunately.)

Otherwise, I don't know whether you're ready to come out yet, but if you're not, your mom will probably be more than willing to believe you were just curious, experimenting, etc. (Believe me, lots and lots of straight girls try kissing their female friends first, especially shy and/or religious straight girls! If you want your mom to be comfortable with your seeing this particular Kissable Girl again, though, you might want to cast yourself as the instigator of the experimentation? Just a thought.)

If, on the other hand, you think you might want to come out to your mom, but you're not sure whether it's a good idea, maybe you could find a more liberal relative or a family friend to talk things through with first?

Best of luck, whatever you decide. (*hug*)

(It's entirely possible you and your mom both end up pretending it never happened, too, at least until you're in a position to have an independent-adult-to-indepedent-adult conversation on the topic.)