i'm a 14 year old girl, and over the past couple of years, i have realised that i am primarily attracted to other girls. i am only out to 3 friends, and a couple more know that i would consider having a relationship with another girl. obviously, i know there is nothing wrong with being gay, but thinking about how other people would perceive me if i were to come out terrifies me. i just feel so excluded when i hear girls talking about boys they find attractive, even if it's not intentional. i've also liked a girl in my classes for about a year, and i've actually gotten quite close with her and she's a fairly good friend- even people who don't know that i like her joke that we have a thing for each other. however, it's only a matter of time before someone lets something slip, and our friendship is ruined. that is the last thing i want to do, and i really, really don't want to creep her out. also, one of my gay, male best friends has a tendency to make snide, upsetting remarks about my sexuality and the girl i like. he also refers to me as "butch" when he knows i consider myself to be feminine, and then claims he's joking when i call him out on it. i understand that this definitely isn't the worst case scenario, and i am relatively privileged compared to many others, but i'd still like to know if there are people out there who can relate/give me advice! :smilewave
Hey, coconutrecords, welcome to Empty Closets! My situation about a year ago was actually pretty similar to yours. I know it can be terrifying to worry about what others will think of you. My advice? If you come out to someone and they treat you badly because of it, they were never your friend to begin with. A true friend would try to accept another friend no matter what. As for other people that you don't really know finding out you're gay, it sort of depends on the location of your school. I'm in a school in Northeastern America and a lot of people know I'm gay but nobody cares. If people in your school do pick on you for it, you look to your friends for support or in worst case scenario, tell a guidance counselor. As for your crush... That situation is literally identical to mine this year! I understand how hard it is to like someone and not want to ruin your friendship. If something does slip, I'd deny it to your crush. If people are already making jokes about a relationship, your crush probably won't think much of it. I dealt with this situation by getting over my crush completely, but I know that isn't a solution for everyone. You need to be honestly confront your gay male friend. You need to tell him that what he's doing is bothering you. That will probably be enough for him to stop. If you need anything else, feel free to ask me on my wall or here!
first of all, thanks for taking the time to reply! as for where i live, i go to school in a part of england which isn't particularly socially conservative or liberal, i'd say people are quite divided when it comes to homosexuality. my school only brings up lgbt issues very rarely- most of the staff aren't homophobic but the majority of kids wouldn't be completely accepting if i were to come out, to put it gently. however, i have been thinking about hinting at it if the topic comes up during class, since that would make it less shocking when i do eventually come out. thankfully, my crush is less homophobic than the vast majority, and has always been pretty accepting when we've talked about queer characters in tv shows we both watch. we've never talked explicitly about sexuality, but i doubt she's straight considering i've caught her staring at me many times, and various other suspiciously non-heterosexual things she's said/done. however, she could be uncomfortable if she knew i liked her, and anyway, i value my friendship with her more than a potential relationship with her. you're also absolutely right about what to do about my friend- he is extremely camp so i suspect he's trying to compensate for something when he makes those sort of comments! i still don't think that excuses it, though. thanks again, i really do appreciate the advice!
Just know the older you get the more comfortable you will be with yourself. Things may be hard now but after high school you are free from the judgment. It took me like 9 years to accept my sexuality, so at least accepting it and telling others about it at only 14 is shows you have a lot of courage. I feel like most will accept you, and the few that don't you are better off without anyway
