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Edited Coming Out As FTM Tras Letter Advice/Feedback??

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by WhispersOfYou, Jul 12, 2015.

  1. WhispersOfYou

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
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    A few people
    So, I posted my coming out letter and then noticed there were some spelling errors and things so I've fixed them. I'd still like peoples opinions. Constructive criticism is welcome. This letter is to my aunt.
    Dear Aunt _____,
    I’m not writing this to avoid talking to you face to face or over the phone, it’s just easier for me to explain how I feel on paper than it is to voice it.
    I’m at the point in my life where I need to stand on my own and be an independent individual. I need to begin my life as a working adult. In saying this I think that throughout the years leading up to this moment I’ve struggled a lot with who I am as a person and who I’d like to be. It’s not easy trying to figure yourself out at such a young age especially with all the different influences you have daily. I eventually had to block out everyone after I realized that only I could be the one to figure myself out, and I finally have. It’s been difficult for me to accept myself for who I am but I’m now at the point where I want others to know. I’ve kept a huge secret from everyone that I’ve been struggling with since I was around six or seven. I’ve hidden my true self from everyone and I’ve denied and tried to change it but at a certain point I finally realized that denying and trying to change it just made it worse. I’m ready to finally be who I was always meant to be and I hope from this letter I can gain your acceptance. I’m not expecting this to go perfectly or for some miracle to occur but I am hoping for you to love me and support me because I’m tired of hiding.
    I was born in the wrong body. I’m a boy and nothing can change that. Regardless of what you see on the outside, I know for a fact my insides don’t match it. I have a male brain and female body. My gender identity doesn’t match the sex that was assigned to me at birth. What this all means is that I’m FTM Transgender (aka Female to Male Transgender). Like I said previously I’ve known that something wasn’t right since I was around six or seven. I’ll admit it took me a while to put exactly what I was feeling into words and even longer to attach a single word to it. I began research as a freshman in high school after years of confusion and depression but didn’t come across the term Transgender until the start of my junior year. As soon as I read the definition I just felt this huge wave of relief. Once I realized that there was an entire community of kids that felt just like I felt it was almost like I felt free. I finally knew who I was and after that moment I began even more research to better educate myself on what being Transgender really meant. This is not just something I decided on a whim. I’ve felt this way for a very long time but never knew how to explain it or give it a proper word. I wouldn’t choose this because I wouldn’t wish the pain and depression I’ve felt on anyone especially not myself. I would never purposely try to make my life harder than it has to be, because what kind of sense does that make? I just am who I am and nothing can change that.
    When I was younger, around six or seven, I remember going shopping for clothes and being extremely confused as to why I was in the girls section. I would always wander into the boys section and try to pick out something only to be dragged back into the girls. I hated looking at the pink, girly, and frilly things. This was the earliest memory I have of feeling like I was in the wrong body. It got worse as the years progressed. You may not have noticed because I mostly did it when I went shopping with others. I had a pretty good idea of how hard work was for you and I didn’t want to stress you out any more than a typical child my age could. I was also very naïve as a child, but what child isn’t? I had this preconceived idea that I was a boy but for some reason I had to pretend to be a girl to make everyone else happy. I always thought that one day I’d wake up and finally not have to pretend. I thought that I’d wake up as the boy I always thought I was, but I never did. The idea that I would somehow wakeup as a boy disappeared as I got older because as I learned more and more things I finally realized that it wasn’t going to happen. However, that didn’t stop me from wishing that it could.
    I suffer from something known as dysphoria. This means that due to the fact that I am in a female body and I’m not a female on the inside seeing my body for what it is causes a lot of depression. My chest in particular is very difficult to look at. No, I’m not being the typical teenager with the “I’m too fat.” Or “I’m ugly.” I honestly can’t stand my body. I feel trapped inside it, it’s like a prison. I dread having to get up every morning knowing that I’m stuck in this body. I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts, major depression and self-harm throughout the years as a result of not being able to change my body to match my brain. I wouldn’t care if I was born the ugliest, fattest and poorest man in the universe, I would still be so much happier than I am now because at least I’d be in the correct body. In saying this there are ways to make my body match how I feel on the inside. Hormones and surgery can allow me to have many things such as a male torso as well as a deeper voice and facial hair. However, these things will be happening in the future so there's no need to worry about them now.
    There is only one more thing I’d like to address before I end this letter. I feel as though the more intimate things along with the questions you’re bound to have would be better left to discuss as a whole in person. You are only the second person I’ve told in my physical life. Grandma was the first to know. I’d appreciate it if we could keep this between us for now because I’d really like to tell everyone else at my own pace. However, just as I’ve told Grandma I have already transitioned socially in my online life. Another thing that results from dysphoria is that I get really uncomfortable when I’m referred to by female pronouns (she/her), as a ‘daughter’ or ‘niece’ or by my birth name or anything that immediately defines me as being biologically female. To avoid the discomfort and depression everyone online refers to me as a he and as Tanner. Tanner is the name I’d eventually like to be my legal name. I realize that because I haven’t told any other family or friends it’s not possible to refer to me as a he or as Tanner around them but I’d love if you could make an effort to call me them when we are alone or in a place where no one else knows us. Grandma’s already trying to do the same. I realize this is going to be difficult, because my entire life I’ve been referred to as a she and as my birth name. I’m more than willing to allow you some time to grieve if needed. You should take all the time you need. However, when you are done, trying to do what I’ve asked would mean the world to me. I do realize that there will be slip ups and mistakes and I’m willing to live with that as long as me reminding you doesn’t become an everyday occurrence. I love you and I hope you still love me and I hope you support me. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be waiting to talk to you. There’s no rush.
    Love, your nephew
    Tanner
     
  2. TinyGuitarPlaye

    Joined:
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    I think that this letter is very sweet and well put. You've explained it very simply, and from what it sounds like- you sound like the opinion of your aunt means a lot to you, and I thought that the final part where you acknowledge that she will make mistakes and that it might take time to adjust. I hope it all goes well :slight_smile: