Leaving my parents without warning, and whether or not I should come out.

So a really wonderful friend of mine is going to help me move to San Diego sometime, hopefully this year.

I can't tell my parents ahead of time, or even halfway out the door. I lack self-confidence and it takes little or no effort to pressure me into doing things, especially if you're my parents. I'm going to have to leave a note.

There are lots of reasons to leave. My mother borders on emotionally abusive, and I suspect she may be becoming an alcoholic. I'd hate to leave and worsen that, but I don't have any sort of say in our family, I wouldn't be able to help her if I stayed.

The main reason though, is that I'm never going to be able to function like a normal person until I deal with my depression, and I'm not sure I can without transitioning and dealing with dysphoria first.

So anyways, this letter I'm leaving. I have to make it clear that I need to get away from them, but I don't want to seem accusatory either. I'd like them to accept my decision. The big question is though, do I come out? It's the primary reason I'm leaving, and they'd never accept me transitioning while I stay with them.

I don't know if coming out would help them understand my decision, even if they don't approve, or if it might result in them cutting me off entirely. Has anyone written a similar letter? If so, do you have any suggestions? I want to damage my relations with them as little as possible, and I have no idea how.