Hi my name is Halvor and I am a Norwegian 15 years old bisexual male. I am writing here since i am afraid that my friends will leave me if I come out. Words like "Fag, Gay, Queer and others" are often used as insults or bad mouthing. I have known I am bi for a good year now and no one but an internet friend of mine knows it. We have one open homosexual person in our class and she has never been well treated after comming out to her friends. So i am stuck in the closet wandering what i should do my life feels so conflicted. I have contimplated suicide on more than one occasion. Does anyone here have some advice on what to do with the situation? Kisses and hugs - Mold
Is there any way you can bring the topic of bisexuality or homosexuality into a conversation to see how your friends feel about it? (if you are unsure) That way you will be able to better judge whether coming out to your current friends is a good idea before you do it. Best wishes.
that's one way to do it. try to understand what your friends really think about them, they could probably be saying those kinds of things because it's "cool". you're going to experience some sort of judgement from people in life, and it could be for various reasons, whether it could be race, orientation, or even gender. it's tough but you'll be able to get through it. and I should tell you, suicide is never the answer. don't ever think for a second that you don't matter, because you do. you definitely do. even the smallest and slightest appearance in someone's life, can make the difference in the world.
[/QUOTE]that's one way to do it. try to understand what your friends really think about them, they could probably be saying those kinds of things because it's "cool".[/QUOTE] It is my suspicion that it isn't homophobia. But I am not quite sure as 2/3 of them are raised cathlic and their parents i know are homophobic. And as they say "Homophobia you are taught not born with."
i know how you feel, in school I was kind of a loner and then this guy I never even talked to asked to be my friend he was my best friend from then on but I started to get feelings for him and eventually I had tell him so I did. Now he avoids me but still comes over when invited I pay him often and I fear in the future he'll think of me as " that fat gay guy who got so obsessed that he paid me every cent he owned"
Hey, Halvor! I'm Swedish Welcome to EC. We're glad to have you here. (*hug*) I remember being 15. These kind of words are slurs for anyone who isn't like everybody else, right? I understand you're scared of hearing them against you. I have had it too, for acting too feminine. (And for liking guys). Maybe you could try talking to her? I understand that might be hard if you are in different friend groups. Did her friends treat her well? First, if you are ever in danger, please call a hotline. Here is a Norwegian one that I think would be good. Krisetjenester - Kirkens SOS (The number is at the top of the page. Perhaps write it down somewhere. They also have other services, such as SOS chat.) Suicide is never the answer. The pain you feel will pass. I understand that your life feels conflicted. Do you feel like this is a part of you you would like to share with others but you're finding that hard because of that they might judge you and treat you bad? I can understand that, in that case. You could begin by asking yourself some questions, such as: - Do you need for everyone to know, or would you feel comfortable with only closer friends knowing? - What should I do if people are not accepting? The second one I can help a bit with. Try to figure out which people might be more accepting and who could keep a secret. By at least starting by only telling trustworthy people, the risk of not being accepted will be lower. Also, some questions: - Do you have any friend or family member you know would be supportive who you can reach out to and talk to? I suggest try in that case. - Does you school have a counselor with confidentiality (meaning he/she is not allowed to tell anyone)? You could talk to him/her about your problems. You seem to have pretty bad anxiety over your problem. Do you have a way of relaxing that works for you? Having a cup of tea, listening to calm music, exercising, (even masturbation can work for some). Anything that helps you to relax is a good idea to put some time into. Please keep continuing to write so that we know you are fine. Lots of love, kisses and hugs (*hug*)
I really can't top the advice everyone has given you. People like to make fun of those who are different. They make fun because they are damaged too. All that shows you is that your stronger than them. It may be helpful to come out to your closest friends and then working your way to coming out to others. If you need anything feel free to message me anytime, if you need a friend or whatever.
It is hard to do this process at this time of the year. Since all of my friends and I are gamers. We spend alot of time indoors and don't meet one another that often. Usually the only place we meet is at school. But as i said it is summer so no school. I don't really know what I will do. If i am going to wait until fall or come out to them now.
Hi. It's good to hear from you again. Are you a tight group? Or is there a possibility of only telling one or two of them? Also, do you think they would be accepting? How have they acted around LGBT+ issues before? Do they seem prejudiced? You mentioned that they have homophobic parents. Maybe you could tell them slowly? hope that helps
Well we do call ourself a group of friends but then within that group of friends there are clicks. There is one friend for sure i know is not homophobic or have any negativ opinions on it. But he is in colorado atm since that is were he is from. and he won't be back before a couple of weeks. I know i can out myself to him without any problems. But it is the others i worry about.
Soooo... Today is a good day i took mt courage out the doorway and went down into the sentrum of town. There i met the girl i have talked about earlier in my posts. (The gay girl who gets nagged on.) I started talking to her and one thing led to another and i came out. And it was no big deal. No drama no spectacular reaction. No laughter, scream or shouts. Just as i wanted it to be. It just didn't feel like a big deal. So as I said today is a good day. No more do i feel like i am enclosed in a small room with no windows or doors. I am feeling lighter and more free then ever before. A great burden has been lifted from my shoulders and i can relax for abit.
A very brave thing to do! And inspiring. I wish I have your confidence when I was 15. Congratulation!!!!!
Well a little update about how things are going. I came out to my parents in our car on the way home from Sweden. It was a meh expirience. They said they would support me but they also said "You think so." And "It can just be a phase." and when i insisted to them they only said to me "Suuure." So i am not sure to take their reaction as a negative or positive reaction.
I do aswell and i know it could have gone alot worse. I could have been barrated or screamed at but instead it was just doubt which is not really somthing i worried about.
