Married and finally coming to the realization that I might be gay...

You have likely always been bisexual, and simply following the "straight" side of your orientation, rather than the "gay" side. It is not unusual for the intensities of each orientation to shift over time; there are millions of us who had this happen in their 40s, 50s, 60s, or later. Part of it may be that the erotic nature of the gay side is simply interesting you as the other side has become mundane and maybe less erotic in comparison. If you honestly still find women erotic and sexually attractive, you are not gay, you are bisexual. If you decide to start seeing men and interacting with them sexually, then yes, your world will be turned upside down to some degree, depending on how you go about it and feel about it.

Keep in mind that you may be able to satisfy your need for male companionship by simply becoming involved in sports that involve a lot of close male contact, without getting into actual "dating" sort of clandestine interactions. You can become active in the gay rights movement as an equal rights supporter or political activist. You don't have to get involved in actual sexual contacts. It all depends on the degree to which you feel the need for interaction with gay males. Think about some of these kind of activities before taking steps that will be difficult to reverse from. Also, if you feel that you need more intensive help, there are therapists who can work with you to determine if the shift in your interest to your "gay" side is related to other situations in your "straight" life which should be addressed.