I have just turned 22. Ever since I was in high school, I had feelings that I was gay. However, I entered into a relationship with a female. Partly, to prove to my mates that I was just like them, and partly to prove to myself that I wasn't gay. I convinced myself that I was straight. But my feelings didn't change. So, foolishly, I told myself I was bisexual. I kept telling myself that and, for years I even believed it (but still did not tell anyone). Now, four years later, I am still with her. However, I know I am gay. I am ashamed to admit it, but I had acted on these feelings with other men. For so long, I ignored these feelings. But now that I have done it, I'm convinced I have no attraction to women. I met this fantastic and supportive guy. He has been there for me and done so much for me that I never expected. I am really lucky to have met him. I know it is a generalisation, but it is hard to meet nice gay guys who genuinely want to help or be mates (maybe I am looking in all the wrong places). I value his friendship so much and trust him with anything. I look at his life -so confident and happy. The only difference, he is out and openly gay. I compare our lives and think I could have that. But I am confused. I am not sure if I have feelings for him, or if I just see him as a friend. I want to come out and be open, but I think I will need his support. If I don't have it or if he cant provide it (not that he is obliged to) will coming out be worth it? I know I want him in my life and I know I want our friendship to continue. I am just a coward for not taking a risk. This isn't really a question - just me getting my feelings out.
