Basically, should I mention my sexual orientation when coming out as trans? It's obviously one of the first things someone brings up when you come out as trans. And while I wish I could say, "Don't worry I'm not gay and here's why..." I cannot because it isn't that simple nor do I support that view. I'm pansexual/queer/asexual something-or-another and explaining that would open up a whole other can of worms. I wish I could just avoid the subject with my parents, because I believe differently than they do about sexuality but if they knew that, they'd be infuriated. Swallowing the fact that I'm trans will be enough for now, right? But what about the whole "sexual/straight purity" talk that will inevitably come up after I come out? Should I just let the cat out of the bag and say "I'm pansexual" and then try to explain what that means which would really do nothing because in their mind that doesn't count as a real orientation (there is only "straight" or "confused/gay"). Or I could just make up something that sounds good and is partially true, to quell their fears. But that would be wrong to lie, and why would I all of a sudden now try to hide the truth when I'm being so upfront about my trans identity? I'm just worried that if I say I'm pansexual/queer then they will not believe me, or think I'm avoiding a real label. As if it's the "correct" thing to do to either fullheartedly accept heterosexuality or homosexuality. Nothing else. I just don't know. Sex is the least of my concerns right now, but I just know it's going to be a huge issue after I come out. Any advice on how to deal with this?
I told my parents I was queer (panromantic asexual?) first and they didn't care. My exact words were "I like people, I just don't think I want to sleep with them". I only told them because it came up in conversation. So I'm not really sure how much help I can be here. If they don't ask, I would go with not telling them. Being told their child is transgender is a big thing and if they don't know much or anything about being trans that might just be the only thing they think about. If they ask at the end, maybe just say queer or that you like people or something. Something vague but easy to grasp, because chances are they're just looking for something to understand (if they're not already negative about things). Same if they ask right from the beginning, I think. If their views of sexuality is that you can only be straight or gay, then I think taking things one at a time and telling them about your sexuality later would be best. Or maybe even just not explaining it at all. I understand coming out as trans because transition means changing your body and/or your life in a huge, noticeable way and they will see that. But who you date and love is entirely your business, so if people like your parents see you with one gender and they make assumptions about your sexuality that's for them to decide. It's not something you need to listen to and believe. I'm not sure how well this will work because I don't know your parents like you do, but I hope it helps in some way. That it's a starting point or that you can take something from it. Good luck, Peter.
