1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Came out, but now I'm not sure if I'm gay

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by australianguy, Jul 21, 2015.

  1. australianguy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2015
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    My entire life I had been unsure as to whether I was gay or bi. I finally "accepted" that I was gay 13 days ago.

    The next day I came out to my immediate family. Then my 2 best friends. Then my extended family (aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents).
    Everyone was nothing but super happy for me (pretty amazing family and friends I know!)

    And for the first probably week or so, I was feeling over the moon. I knew who I was. I no longer had that (literally) 24/7 debate and argument going on in my head where every feeling or emotion or thought made me think "mmm Am i gay or bi? (And to me, if I was bi, then I was going to be "straight", probably telling no-one except my future wife).

    Then the last week (and this has got stronger and stronger throughout this last week), I have felt the strongest attraction to women that I have ever felt in my entire life. A quick google search for "hot girls" and they all looked pretty darn good to me, a heck of a lot more attractive than they ever had previously.

    In actual fact, the one best friend of mine who I told (who is female), before I came to the conclusion that I was gay I did always fancy her, now I feel that feeling stronger than ever.

    Has anyone else had this happen to them? That their non-gay feelings became substantially stronger shortly after coming out/accepting they were gay?
    Unfortunately, I'm extremely confused at the moment.

    I am a boys basketball coach, and will be for the rest of my life (and my job), and I want my own kids more than anything, and so as mentioned, if I come to the conclusion to myself that I am bi, then I will be no doubt living a "straight" lifestyle.
     
    #1 australianguy, Jul 21, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2015
  2. j13

    j13 Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2015
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    bendigo
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    this hasn't happened to me, but I do understand the 24/7 debate you mentioned prior to coming out. I think that is what I am going through now. Although it is emotionally exhausting and something I wouldn't wish on anyone, I am kind of glad that I am not the only one feeling it. my head is a mindfield and people have started to notice. I am thinking about coming out all the time. what really inspired me about your story was how quickly you come out after realising that you may have been gay. That is such a brave thing to do and something I have struggled with. I admire your courage and your confidence. I'm also a bit jealous - your friends and family reacted well and just proves how close and how loved you are.

    I am sorry I couldn't answer your question or offer any advice. I can only imagine how difficult your situation is. Please just know that I have taken something from your story - it has made me feel less alone and just as normal as the next person. My struggle isn't unique =)
     
  3. Bolt35

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2014
    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Queens,NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    awesome, congrats on coming out. nice that you have a positive response out of the people who are close to you.
    in terms of the sudden attractions to female, ask yourself what it is that might be attracting you to them. is it their glasses, breasts, hair, eyes, body type, personality? question what attracts you. if you're bi, it doesn't really mean that you would be leading a straight life, that's just your perception. you may like both genders and just have specific taste, you might not know. if you find the answers in what attracts you the most, i'm pretty sure you'll be close to figuring it out.
    It does take time, so don't feel too bad or embarrassed about it. it's sexuality, it's about sex, it's about what attracts you, it's the next level of human nature. take it one step at a time.