http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...730-help-there-anything-what-should-i-do.html Bearing this in mind... (That thread is mine, i just couldnt log in my account since I didnt for a long period of time) I really want to come out to my betfriend. Both about my real sexuality and about my feelings for him... But I fear his reaction, and more importantly, what he can do with that information... In his own words, im his only true friend, he says im very cool, that he loves our relationship and being with me, that it was very cool to have met me and that he never gets tired of being with me... And basically, I feel the same, except that I dont love him only as a friend. I love him with everything I have, I've never felt like this about anyone, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him (cheeeeeesy(!)) Anyway, Id like some advice from people that have been in similar situations, on what to do about this, how I should tell him, what i should say... Because in the one habd, I love him and I dont want to lose his friendship, on the other hand Being like this is starting to hurt me since I feel like my life doesnt go on (like its stuck) Thanks in advance for any help, if you want to know anything more please ask
What I would do (which I'm not saying is the "right" thing) is to first come out to him about your sexuality and see how he handles that. Even if he handles it well, I wouldn't let your feelings towards him be known right away because even if he handles it well it could be a shock and you don't want to overload him. After maybe a week or two (or whenever you feel he's gotten over the shock- assuming he takes it relatively well) then you could broach the subject of your attraction towards him. Perhaps say something like "you know you're my best mate and lately I've been feeling like maybe we would be good as more than that. I get it if you don't feel the same but I just thought I should tell you" and then if he says he doesn't reciprocate then make it clear to him that you respect his orientation and can continue being just friends with him. I would probably start talking about a common interest or topic again to return some normalcy to the conversation so he knows you're the same person you were before you told him about your feelings and can continue to be his best friend. Perhaps a guy's perspective might help though, since I feel like women and men react differently in these situations!
Hi There, After reading through this thread and the earlier one you posted, I would suggest that you need to do a few things: 1) Begin accepting the possibility/fact that he is straight and can never return your feelings beyond friendship. From things you've said, it's not clear to me whether he's straight or not. He could be questioning or in denial about being other than straight, either in general or at least where you are concerned. But he could be 100% straight and just very open minded or affectionate or a flirt or something. He may turn out to not be straight and to be into you - but you can't live your life clinging to that possibility and putting everything else on hold until/unless he maybe gets around to accepting himself and then makes a move on you that clearly shows he's into you. If he turns out to not be straight and something happens between you (and he accepts it) - great! But you can't count on that based on the evidence you've described so far. 2) If you think you're ready to be with a guy, start taking steps to do something about that. As part of that process, you might consider the features (both physical and personality) that you like in your friend and look for guys who are similar or share some or all of those attributes. 3) When you're ready come out to him as non-straight (gay/bi/pan, or whatever fits you best) do so - and leave it at that. Don't express your feelings toward him at that time. Just let him process the new information about you and see where that goes. If he doesn't take it well - that will hurt, but truly that also shows that he didn't really like you, he liked the person he thought you were. If that happens, you will grieve (which is totally ok), but you will then be able to move on and find someone who will like you for you and also someone who can return your feelings. If he does take it well - great! At that point, let things cruise along while you see about possibly meeting someone (because taking it well is not the same as returning your feelings). If he does decide to come out to you, you might be able to share your feelings for him. He might express feelings for you. At which point you can start working toward a relationship. Hope this helps, Todd
