Hello my name is Sierra and I'm a 25-year-old female. I am seeking out reassurance about my conclusion that I am a lesbian. If you had a similar experience or feel I could benefit from your story please share. I was in a heterosexual relationship for eight years. The last three years of our relationship was more of roomate/friendship dynamic. I didn't have any attraction to him at all and I never wanted to have sex, which I felt bad about. When he cut off his beautiful long brown gorgeous locks of hair that I made him grow out, I couldn't force myself to stay any longer. I always had felt that I actually just didn't like kissing or sex and that maybe it just wasn't something that I enjoyed. I'm a very feminine woman and enjoy girly stuff. So I concluded that he probably just wasn't the one. After leaving him I went on dates with many men who were really "attractive" and nice to me but I just never felt anything. I would make up a million excuses why it didn't work out and my friends thought I was just being a little too unreasonable. The last few encounters I had with men were so unsatisfying and borderline creepy feeling to me that I promised myself that I would never put myself through that again. I started noticing my tendency to gravitate towards women and have always had more of a close connection with my girlfriends and care about them much more than I've ever cared about a man. Picturing myself sharing my life and space with a woman just feels exciting and right. Picturing the same future with a man sounds scary and sad. Growing up my mom made it very clear that she is not accepting of lesbian behavior. She would always make comments about how the PDA they showed was inappropriate and why must they always hold hands? I felt guilty about finding other women attractive. I was under the false pretense that in order like women you had to be sort of mannish or be attracted to masculine women. I have been doing some soul searching and started to realize all the evidence that points towards my attraction for females. Aside from finding them very attractive, I noticed that when I'm chatting up a new lady I would get disappointed if she mentioned a boyfriend. I have a tendency to only approach women not men and often ask for there phone numbers. I also tend to give a **ck off vibe to men who try to hit on me. I've also been mistaken as a lesbian in the past many many times by other women sending advances my way. My ex was weirded out by my unconventional behavior with other women. My denial is so obvious to me now. My first kiss was even with a woman. With a lot of anxiety, I confessed these feelings to my best and dearest friend of 16 years (and first kiss). She giggled and told me she's been waiting for me to tell her. I am super relieved that she doesn't think of me any differently, especially because she's happily in a heterosexual relationship.. All of this weighted so heavy on me but now I feel a lot more liberated after talking to her. The thought of being with and making love to a woman sounds amazing. But I've never even been on a date with one. Now, how does it go from here? I'm so nervous. I'm very girly. Are other feminine-ish women attracted to feminine women? Has anyone had a similar experience? Did you subconsciously repress your true desires to conform to society? I'm done feeling empty and can't wait to have a woman of my own
First of all, way to go! And welcome to EC ^^ I'm 25 and only managed to accept for myself that I was not straight last year. I definitely have been suppressing that part of myself entirely, and I still can't really pinpoint why, I never had a particularly strict upbringing, and all my friends and close family are very liberal and accepting. Anyway, it's of course a process (I still am not entirely clear on what my sexual/romantic preferences are), but from what you're describing you seem to definitely be on the right track!
