Ok I will just try to make this as short as possible. So I am happily out of the closet, have been since high school 4 years ago. Anyways I work in healthcare, I am a nurses aid at a pretty affluent hospital in my area, nursing student and all that jazz. Started working there in December of last year and when I met everyone through orientation I noticed him ('S' for short). He was a nurse, recently moved from the east coast to a small town in the middle of nowhere. We shook hands and all that crap, I immediately got a different vibe from him. I asked my coworker if he was gay and she said didn't know. Literally the first night I worked he wanted to show me stuff because he found out I was a student, and he had a glint in his eye every time I looked at him which was weird. So fast forward to now a lot has happened. He has a girlfriend 500 miles away (has all the couples pictures to prove it too). He moved here and she there when they were done with nursing school. He used to play college football, and was in a frat, pretty much a man's man so I doubted he was gay (seemed to good to be true kinda thing). So everytime I work with him he always stares at me and glances at me from around the hall, and he is literally everywhere I am. One time one of my coworkers told me after I got done charting for a good 45 minutes he was just staring the whole time(he does it all the time). He knows I am gay and I have never had a 'straight' guy be so foward with his advances. He always brushes up against me, makes excuses to massage my shoulders, and put his hands on me. He always smiles like crazy whenever he sees me, and always asks all my coworkers (that are also good friends) about me. My coworkers wonder why he is always super friendly with me, and they all think he is gay too. He always says we need to get drinks, but I don't want to be drunk in front of him, and he tried planning a big outing for my 21st birthday and told my friends he was gonna get me so drunk that I won't remember who I am. He makes the gayest references (like no straight guy would say some of the shit that he says) and always brings up my sex life, my relationships. I feel like he is studying everything I do. My mother was in clinical at the hospital I worked at and when she got home she asked if he was my boyfriend because he introduced himself like a boyfriend to her. Just weird. He is super protective and jealous over me, I was flirting with a radiologist I know that is just a friend and he literally came in and cut off our conversation and put his hands on my shoulder. I thought It was super cute personally. Anyways he has bouts of being all about flirting with me then he will turn cold and say shit that he knows hurts my feelings. He gets so hot and cold and it throws me for a horrible loop. I remember when I addressed him and he said he would never get mad at me, and that everything he said comes from a good place. So I am so sorry for such a long explanation of all of it, and all that is above is literally only skimming the surface... Just too much to put on the internet I guess. I honestly really like the guy, he is just a really nice balancing force, and seeing him makes my day. But he has a girlfriend and plans to move later on down the road. I won't date or mess with someone closeted or with a girlfriend. So what do you guys think? Is he just a straight piece of shit trying to tease me? Is he genuine? I am just a closeted lay for him? I wonder if he respects me. Normally I don't overanalyze stuff like this but It is driving me mad, and I can just brush off straight crushes but this guy is just too convincing. I guess I just need advice. Its taking my emotions for a horrible spin. :icon_sad:
Sounds like he's probably gay, almost definitely bisexual at least even if he doesn't know it yet. That just isn't how straight guys act. He might be questioning himself too. I feel bad for his girlfriend. She probably doesn't know he's blatantly flirting with a man. Honestly, it doesn't sound like there's too much you can do right now.
I think you've got a "combo" there: 1. part weird 2. part strong gay leanings 3. part lonely: small city, far from 'home', far from main squeeze 4. part bored: not really grounded in his new career or in healthy outside interests That's just for starters. That all said, why don't you try going out with him once. Surely he'll come clean. Don't take the evening too seriously, let him know, "hey, we're all little weird" or something like that.
You are already out, so you can tell him that you get the feeling that he is attracted to you in some way, so you just want to know if you are reading him right. He will either have to jump into the closet or tell you what he is thinking.
my question to you is if you do not date closeted men and you will not date a man with a girlfriend, why does it matter if he is gay, straight, bi, crooked, yellow blue or brown? why is it important. just leave him alone. it matters because you like him. and if he is gay and he is not out, then you already know that and if you intend on causing any drama related to that, then just date out gay men. it's really that simple. is he being flirtatious, sure. so what do you want to do about it. since you do not date closeted men or men in a relationship, what do you think is really going to happen here? if he is in a relationship and into you, the only thing you can and will be is a local lover. if you want exclusivity, the ability to parade him around all your gay friends and straight coworkers, then date a gay men that is out.
