I know I'm gay, at least I feel like I am. I've never been happy for very long in any relationship, always ending up pushing them away due to my own unhappiness in it. I still always felt alone. I've never been in a relationship with a guy. I've fooled around and that's it. A long distance relationship and a lot of other factors have forced me to take a look at my feelings. I still can't decipher any of these emotions. When my family or friends mention being in a relationship or getting married to a girl, I want to correct them and tell them I want a boyfriend. I feel like I'm making way too big of a deal about this but I don't know how to be gay. I've gone my whole life living by what (I feel) people expect of me. I've been straight for my entire life and suppressed everything. Maybe I'll come out as bi instead and just not have a girlfriend. It seems a lot easier and it would be easier for everyone else and myself to digest. I just don't want to deal with questions. If everyone just thought I was bi, they would leave it alone. I'd much rather avoid labels altogether. I know what I want but I don't know what I am. On top of it, I don't "look" or act like a gay guy, which has been bothering me, too. I just don't feel like I deserve any title. Maybe staying the way people know me would just be easier. It's what I'm used to. I just want to know what I am and feel comfortable and confident in everything.
ToneDef, great name especially if you have heard me sing. Seriously, if you read most of the posts by guys including myself who have lived our entire life in the closet, your not the only one that"doesn't know how to be Gay". I Came Out this past year at 51 and I've had a couple of encounters. That's it. I have no idea where being out will lead me, but I know that it's better than being in the closet. I'm hoping my Prince Charming will sweep me off my feet. Short of that it's going to be trial and error. Which although may be difficult at times it's better than living a lie. Stay positive and remember, were here for you.
The part I highlighted above is important, apart from preferring to be with, and date, guys there is no one way to be gay. Let me repeat, there is no specific way you need to act in order to be gay, apart from dating guys. You are still quite young, don't fuss too much about what you should be, just be. Whatever traits develop as you explore your sexuality, will develop all on their own without any intervention. Life is a process of becoming yourself, all you will ever need to do is let it happen (or, to put it in other words, don't get in the way of becoming who you are)!
I'm going to assume when you say "always ending up pushing them away" you are talking about girls. My take. You know if dating a girl is not in your HEART then go find something your heart is in. I feel a good process for you would be honesty, explore and discover. Tell yourself I'm going to be honest, explore and lets see what happens. Dont put expectation into it. Then you should tell them that and ask them for their love and help. Forget about the label. Just go with the flow and see where it all lands. Cant learn what your heart is telling you without explore and discover. Poppy cot. Gay guys behavior ranges from A to Z. Being honest and open is way more easier than living a lie. Good luck. Hit my wall anytime you want to talk.
coming out "bi" is not easier. it typically pisses a segment of the gay population off that feels like you're in denial of your true 100% gayness and it pisses women off (straight) that may like you and feel like you are being greedy. Also, you'll get the people that equate bi with confused. you do owe anybody anything but people demand titles and explanations from you. it sucks. also if you say you are bi, people will hold out hope that this is a phase and that you'll want women again. people suck.
I guess the part that bothers me about not knowing how to be gay, is that I don't seem like that to others and I want people to look at me, at least in some degree, and "know" I'm gay so I don't have to explain it. I shouldn't have to explain my sexuality period but since we live in a dominantly straight society, it's assumed we're straight and blah blah blah But I've come across different sorts of gay people, living in Washington (which is really lgbt friendly from what I've read and noticed. Man I love this state) but getting told by people that they wouldn't guess I'm gay is disappointing to me. Just a personal thing. And dealing with labels is a gray area for me because I can't seem to avoid them, especially with my family being old school and thinking in really black and white ways, which I don't fit in with and they just don't understand that. I still have to explain the whole tattoo and piercing thing, so that should give you an idea. And being the way they are, I can't just say, "oh hey, I like guys." because I'd get the whole stupid talk about how I know, and that I can't be sure unless I've been with one, and how I just haven't found the right girl yet and I'm just confused because my last relationship was horrible and I'm just not ready for another relationship and it's okay because I'll get back to it one day and find a girl who treats me right and yadda yadda. They don't get it. I hear the way they talk about my cousin, who has the most similar interests to myself, including liking people the same sex as herself. She also has the whole stretched ears, split tongue, body mod thing going on and they talk all kinds of shit on stuff like that, including how she used to be so pretty but is ruining her looks and life with her decisions. My family is two-faced and won't actually listen even though they like to pretend that they're really openminded. I just gotta get away from them, even though I love (most of) them. I just don't know how to act on the things I want. I know I want a boyfriend, but how do I get one? How do I tell people that without feeling weird about it? Thanks for all of the responses everyone! It's much Much appreciated!
