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Men Help-I Cant Say No?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BitterEdge, Dec 20, 2008.

  1. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    So question...I've been talking to many men and have been asked out alot recently and have kind of said yes and am leading some men on I know I don't like. I can't seem to put people down and say no or I'm not interested....how can I overcome this. Only 2 of them I even like to a degree.

    HELP ME!
     
  2. You have to let them down easy. Like if you aren't attracted to them and they ask you out take the "Thanks, but I'd rather stay friends" type approach.
     
  3. ColbieMarie

    ColbieMarie Guest

    "Oh, I've already got my eye on someone else."

    "I just started seeing someone and I want to see where this leads."

    "I'm not dating right now."
     
  4. Jim1454

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    Where is it that you're meeting them? If you're on a site that is intended for meeting people (for one thing or another) then you're sending signals just by being there.

    Perhaps you need to narrow down your criteria for who you might chat with.

    But after talking to someone, you simply need to be honest and say that you're not really interested in getting together. Decent guys will accept that and move on. Creepy ones will give you a hard time about it, and it will get easier and easier for you to say now to them, the creepier and more irritating they get...

    You might reconsider why you're meeting these guys in the first place. What was your intention?
     
  5. EM68

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    On a number of sites, like ######### there is a way to send them a note that you are not interested. You can also block them from further contact.
     
  6. BeautifulStranger

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    I have the same problem and I can't say no either...

    So I just become really distant and ass hole-ish until I convince them through my personality and actions that THEY don't want to date me.
    I let the guys think it was their idea.
     
  7. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    Thats what I started on doing...I feel like an idiot doing it though...its mean really.

    As for the others it isnt through dating sites, after coming out to a few friends, it seems the all have a gay friend they want me to meet.
     
  8. RonApple

    RonApple Guest

    Being an asshole is taking the easy route, I wouldnt like to be treated like that nor would you I'm sure. So perhaps ask them about their BF's and stufff, then when they ask you back, just say that you are currently seeing someone. At least then you dont go looking like an ass, and it will be clear to them that you are just flirty by nature.
     
  9. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    It's a lie though since I'm not seeing anyone, I just hate lying to people...I hate telling people this...why can't I just tell people I'm not interested right out front.
     
  10. EM68

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    You sound a lot like I was when I was your age. I hate to lie, always did. But when I was younger I hated to say no or be 'negative' but sometimes you have to say no. I said yes to people too many time and I would up being stepped on. You just need to do whats best for you and if it means that you are not interested just be honest with them. Its not a bad thing. You will get used to it and in the end you will be alright.
     
  11. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    Its just hard. I've never actually had a bf, but maybe that's helping flame my inability to make decisions on this subject...I hate being alone, and while many men are wanting to go on dates, I don't know what I even want-this can be hard for both of us.
     
  12. EM68

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    I see: I would just start off by figuring out what you want in a bf and what you are looking for in a relationship. I know what you mean, I hate being alone also. You are young and will find someone in time. :thumbsup:
     
  13. s5m1

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    I understand how you feel and did the same thing for some time. Eventually, I realized that I was hurting guys’ feelings more by not being upfront with them. Being honest may cause some hurt feelings at first, but, in the long run, guys will appreciate it. Allowing someone to develop feelings for you and then acting like a jerk to make them go away causes more hurt. Moreover, the gay community is very small in most areas, and gay guys talk. You don’t want to develop a reputation for being that kind of a guy. That will make it harder for you to eventually find a boyfriend.
     
  14. summersforecast

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    it can be as simple as telling them your in a relationship with someone else
     
  15. Shyvin

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    I'm in the exact opposite boat with one friend whom I talk to over AIM. We went to high school together but didn't become friends until a couple years after. He is gay and he knows that I am... to an extent. I told him that I've had experiences with guys. I claim asexuality whenever he brings it back up..... Anyways, I know he has a thing for me, because he is always saying things like "I wish I could find a guy like you, why won't you date?"

    So, for some reason or another, I can't say yes. And I have no idea why.
     
  16. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    Apparently, people are talking about me and have started calling me a whore, I am very upset.
     
  17. EM68

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    I would talk to your friends, the ones that are trying to set you up with other guys and tell them that you are looking for the right person. Make it clear to them that you are not interested in sleeping around.
     
  18. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    Some know that but don't care, apparently the guys I have talked to have talked to other guys and now it's like I'm a whore of the internet....it seems cause I'm bi and talk to multiple guys at once I must sleep with everyone I come across...its beginning to be pathetic.
     
  19. Jim1454

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    My advice?

    Get off the internet. Meet ONE of these guys in person. See if you like them. Have an actual 'date'. Be prepared though - it's even HARDER at that point to be honest and say "I had a nice time, but I don't think I'm interested in getting together again."

    But let's be real - you're not going to find 'Mr. Right' on your first date. Accept that fact now, before your first date. But you'll never find him if you never actually meet people.

    So, step away from the keyboard, call one of these guys that you've been put in contact with, and suggest you go for a coffee or something. There is life beyond IM.
     
  20. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest


    Very true Jim, but I don't want to go out with the majority of them and can't even turn them down via the internet. I would meet one for coffee, though we are entirely polar opposites-I feel obligated since a friend is trying to hook me up with him. But talking to guys via the internet shouldn't label me as a whore, its so frustrating. But, yes Jim I will meet one of them in person, but have my heart currently set on another guy altogether who lives 2 hours away from me-it sucks.