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coming out as bigender

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Crix, Jul 26, 2015.

  1. Crix

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2015
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    Location:
    Valletta
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hi there,
    so at 32 I am still finding out new things about myself. My 20 year old partner noticed some mannerisms in me and asked me some questions i'd never asked myself and never bothered finding the answers to. Some of the answers came out as i was processing it myself during a heart-to-heart pillow talk.
    Sure I always knew I occasionally stuffed a sock in my pants when I was 7. I always knew I had a thing for women, although I've dated men. I knew already that being on top was my tun-on. But I had no idea just how much my attitude and thinking changes on days when I feel more masculine. I always thought it was just a mood but from our convo i figured even my emotional sensitivity and emotional intelligence changes, but also my sexual attractions.
    I've identified as lesbians for 12 years now but have had two affairs with men, which I always found hard to make fit into my lesbian identity. The men themselves pointed out that I must not be a lesbian if I sought their sex. Now after this conversation I've had with my partner, whose been extremely understanding so far, I am figuring that those two affairs with men happened during periods when for a change I was feeling very feminine.
    I am not too bothered about labels, although technically i think this makes me bigender and straight (as i switch between genders and feel attracted to the opposite gender). My dilemmas are these: 1) does this mean I might become unhappy in my lesbian relationship if things shift again? 2) Thinking of transitioning seems like an extreme reaction to something that fluctuates but would you consider it?. I actually like my vagina and orgasms it gives me, but I often have to imagine I have a penis to experience an orgasm and at certain times it takes very little thought to believe I have a penis that is what my partner is touching.
    Anyone wanna write down soem feedback about what I'm saying to help me process this.
     
  2. leeloodallas

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2015
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    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey there :slight_smile: I think your dilemmas are quite understandable. As for being unhappy in your relationships due to a shift, that's something that you have to figure out in time and discuss with your partner. Perhaps you two can work something out as far as sex goes, if it involves strap ons or anything to make you more comfortable.
    I am genderfluid and I'm actually considering transitioning. It all depends on how comfortable you are in your body. I'd say if you feel that looking more masculine would benefit your self confidence, go for it!
    I hope your journey goes well