Hey, found this site earlier by mistake looking up a picture of Brody Dalle I think it's great, exactly what I needed right now! Just wanted to get some advise or just people to identify with cause I can't really talk to anyone.. at least I don't feel like I can. I thought I was bi when I was like 13 or something and going through a phase of wanting to be different, you know how it is trying to rebel and all that, one of my friends and me kissed just to try it (hah I sound like Katy Perry sorry) but nothing came out of it, until people at school heard and everyone was talking about me, bullied and stuff, so I denied it. And I didn't ever actually like any girls like that, it was just a general feeling I got.. So I thought I was just straight, had boyfriends, liked guys. But whenever I've slept with guys it's not been that great, and I've been drunk. So I went to university and started some clubs and stuff and got to know this one girl and quite liked her, which took me by surprise, and we kissed at a club and texted, but whenever I thought about her I didn't think about her sexualy, just that I really connected with her. So that didn't go any further and we drifted and are just friends. I'd seen this other girl around and kind of developed a bit of a crush again. Got talking to her through a friend and she ended up staying at mine one time just cause we were watching a movie, nothing happened but she did sleep in my bed (she's pansexual). She stayed again and I stayed at hers another night and we ended up spending the week just at each others flats. By this time things were happening.. But none of our flatmates knew, we hid things pretty well. So we discussed it and decided to keep it quiet for now. Then I royally skrewed it ALL up. I was drunk after the exams were done and out with friends and flatmates and there was a guy that liked me and had been after me for a while, and he kept trying it on and people were asking why I wasnt going for it cause he's a lovely guy and we get on reeally well (and he's good looking etc too) and since nobody knew about this girl I couldnt explain. So I took my flatmate (and close friend) aside and tried to explain, and she was like "why didnt you tell me before!" so it went well, and I was pleased and also told my other really close friend that night too and he was pleased for me aswell. HOWEVER the next morning we were taking my flatmate to the train station as she was going home for christmas and it was before I'd gotten the chance to tell the girl that I'd told her (this is all getting very complicated and long Im sorry). She blurted it out like "so you two eh! you should have told me!" and it took the girl completely by surprise but she handled it well and we just carried on and changed the subject. Once my flatmate was gone I tried to explain but she just said we'd talk later cause she needed to think. So later on she came over and gave me a letter. In it she explained that she felt betrayed cause we were meant to be lying low, it took her a while to discover who she was and it was difficult, she'd had trouble with relationships in the past and they freak her out and that I needed to figure out who and what I am. Now it's christmas holidays and we're hundreds of miles away from each other, but we're talking lots cause we're good friends too.. I'm acting normal but I dont know if I should just leave her for now and not bother cause she seems to overthink what I say and think I'm talking about "us" when Im just being freindly.. ugh I just don't know how to make things right cause I was REALLY happy I also know that if we could get back on track I wouldnt know how to explain to my friends cause they think that part of my life is kinda over after everything when I was in school... duno, guess I needed to write it all down, seems like a really small problem in the grand scheme of things, but I just need to sort stuff out in my head
