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The Pressure To Act Straight

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Shyvin, Dec 21, 2008.

  1. Shyvin

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    I hang out with my brother quite a bit. He is twenty years old, three years younger than myself. I actually value the time I get to hang out with him. He is a great person, however while we were teenagers we had a big falling out. Even though we lived in the same house at that point we barely spoke to one another. He was into sports and normal teenager stuff. Whilst I have always been the "nerdy" type. I was always reading a novel or playing a game.

    Today we went to the mall and around town just to get out. And he is the type of person who isn't shy when it comes to pointing out girls he finds attractive, so I naturally follow suit. I act straight. We've all done it.

    If I ever come out....I just know he will bring it up. He will ask me about all the times I complimented women. How will I ever be able to respond to him on this matter? I mean, I would like to believe that I fake it rather well...
     
  2. zaff91

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    Its nice to see that and your brother are on good terms now.

    Maybe when he asks you about you complimenting women, you can just say that it is from a non-sexual point of view, much like how girls talk about girls ya know.
     
  3. Pendrin2020

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    I'm not sure how you're brother responds to gays, but if he's smart and he loves you, he should adjust pretty quickly, my brothers have been awesome. My parents, I'm terrified of, but my brothers help me feel comfortable with who I am constantly (no matter how much of a pain in the ass I can be:badgrin:

    So, treat it just like anyone else. there are some great examples of what to say in the coming out section of the forum. There are letters and re-hashed dialog for all to share.

    Relax, take a deep breathe, and remember... You're gonna wake up tomorrow and the world will still be turning. You'll be OK. It's really crazy sometimes but you'll get there.
     
  4. s5m1

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    I would not spend too much time worrying about that now. Enjoy your time with your brother. If you spend too much energy worrying about tomorrow, you will forget to enjoy today.

    When the time comes to have that discussion, just be honest with him. Whatever the truth is, it is. Tell him you were scared, or you were still working through issues of your sexuality or whatever else is the truth. He is your brother and should understand.
     
  5. starfish

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    I have a friend that is very inquisitive and I expect this question from him. I'm going to tell him are a few reason , which are the truth. First it was just an act to try and fool my self in believing I was straight. Second, I still like look at good looking girls but it is completely non-sexual. I just find them pleasant to look at. Much like a nice looking building or cute puppies. I also find it a good way to make small talk with other guys and I know it is a topic they are interested in.
     
  6. george678

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    I think you should come and and maybe explain to him that you had to follow along maybe!
     
  7. biisme

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    Lots of people act straight. Simply tell him "I wasn't out yet." And, if he persists, just tell him "I can see which girls would be attractive, I simply am just not attracted to them...I mean, you can tell when a guy is ugly, can't you?"
     
  8. Shyvin

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    Thanks everyone! I'm not anywhere near coming out. But I have some good ideas on what to say if and when I do, I especially like your idea biisme!
     
  9. summersforecast

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    when I come out i imagen comming across the same problem. I'll just tell them "what can I say I'm just a skilled lier." and hope they don't mention it again
     
  10. Jim1454

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    I think everyone worries about this. But while reading all the coming out stories here over the past 2 years or so, there hasn't been one yet where the friend or family member said "I'm totally cool with you being gay but I'll never forgive you for lying to me all these years about it!!!"

    Don't sweat it. They'll be way more understanding than you can imagine.
     
  11. edogs334

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    I had the same dilemma about my brother (and other people) asking me "what about all those times when you pointed out hot women?" I simply told them (truthfully) that it was just me trying to act straight- and me trying to convince myself into thinking that I was straight.
     
  12. Jim1454

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    If you think that's bad, how would I have answered if they'd asked "what about the time you were married for 9 years and had two kids?" :confused:
     
  13. Trumpetplyer23

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    If he points out a girl that he finds attractive, you could always say something like, 'yes, she's very pretty'. Nothing like, 'oh she's hot'. Pretty can be taken as platonic or not platonic. Hot is strictly not platonic.

    When you do come out to him, if he asks you could always say something like, 'I could tell she was pretty, but that doesn't mean I find her attractive.' or 'I went along with it because I wasn't sure how you would take me being gay.'
     
  14. slipperyman

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    Well congrats on your bro and u hanging out. But as far as telling him, just tell him that this is who you are abd that any comments to beautiful women were completly complimentry. He will understand. But on the note of having to act straight, relax eeryone here has done it merly to keep in touch with their friends, I mean I know I have and still do. So relax and take a deep breath and when the time comes you will be ok.....I was ;D. "If life's a journey, how will you remember the trip?"
     
  15. lordjord96

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    yeah i get that a lot all my mates or my brother picks out a 'bird' that they like and i agree with them i hate cuz i cant be myself