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Anticipation Is Killing Me

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EM68, Dec 22, 2008.

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  1. EM68

    EM68
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    I have said in previous threads that I plan to come out to my parents, brother and sister after the new year and I can not wait. I have it all planned out. I plan to give my parents a letter, which is all typed out, then I plan to tell my brother and sister. I AM going to come out to them and I WANT to do so much . It's not like I am having second thoughts or anything because I am not. Especially now that I am starting to date and there is someone that I really like I think its something I want to do.

    However the anticipation of telling them is really stressing me out and over the past few days it has gotten a lot worse. Today at the gym, which is usually is my stress reliever I felt panicked. I had a deep sinking feeling and I just felt overwhelmed. On the way home I broke out in tears, I do not why I feel this way. I just want to tell them and get it over with. What should I do?
     
    #1 EM68, Dec 22, 2008
  2. starfish

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    I know exactly what you mean. I'm just ready to be out and move on with this whole thing. I so tired thinking about being gay and how every is going to react all of the time. I just want it to be out there, right now it feels like the while elephant in the room that no one is talking about.

    That and I have barley started my Christmas shopping and the stores are packed. And the weather sucks. I fucking hate the cold. I think I'm just going to find a nice warm bottle of Scotch and crawl up inside of it.
     
    #2 starfish, Dec 22, 2008
  3. Mickey

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    Well,you already know I think you're awesome!
    Having said that,I'd be more surprized if you weren't nervous.
    Coming out,especially to your parents,just may be the hardest thing you'll ever do.
    It sucks that you have to wait,but I think you're doing it the right way.
    I'm happy that things are going well,with the guy you're dating. At least you got that in your favor.
    You're a nice guy and I know things will be okay. My thoughts are with you.
    I hope you have a great Christmas and that everything goes the way you want!
     
    #3 Mickey, Dec 22, 2008
  4. EM68

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    Thanks Mickey! (*hug*)
     
    #4 EM68, Dec 22, 2008
  5. Mickey

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    You're welcome,sweetie!
     
    #5 Mickey, Dec 22, 2008
  6. starfish

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    I just finished taking a shower and I feel much better now. I take back my get drunk recommendation, and say take a shower instead. Bonus points if you use all of the hot water. :grin:
     
    #6 starfish, Dec 22, 2008
  7. EM68

    EM68
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    I did take a hot shower after I wrote the post. I cam back from the gym. Did not use all of the hot water. I live in a condo with big hot water tanks. If I tried to use it all I would turn into a shriveled mess :grin:
     
    #7 EM68, Dec 22, 2008
  8. Lexington

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    This is your own timeframe you're on, not anyone else's. If you feel like moving it up, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't.

    Lex
     
    #8 Lexington, Dec 22, 2008
  9. EM68

    EM68
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    I just don't want to tell them during the holidays. Also my dad just got home from the hospital. I want to give him some time to recover fully.
     
    #9 EM68, Dec 22, 2008
  10. Lexington

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    Well, if you think it'll impact him that hard, feel free to wait. But I honestly think your parents are made of sterner stuff. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #10 Lexington, Dec 22, 2008
  11. Mirko

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    Hi there! Follow what you think is best for you. Yes, it can be stressful but maybe try not to think about it. I know it is easier said than done. I have tried it, and I couldn't. But that doesn't mean that you can't.

    Your plan sounds really good. From the sounds of it you have everything in place. That said, if it comes to a point where you become even more nervous or your thoughts are consumed by it even more so, and it becomes just too much to hold it all in, than maybe start thinking about coming out to your parents and family in between the holidays. In some ways this would also give you a 'new' start to the new year.

    If you want to wait until after the holidays before telling your parents, you still could come out to your brother and sister after Christmas. Maybe that will help you a bit to relax. Something else to think about is that your parents and family members will realize that something is up because we start closing up, even without realizing it at first.

    Sometimes, we have to put ourselves first so to be able to move on. It is really up to you though how you want to proceed. As Lex indicated, the timing is really up to you.

    I hope this helps a bit! Good Luck!
     
    #11 Mirko, Dec 22, 2008
  12. EM68

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    I have been weighing my options and been thinking of coming out between the holidays. I don't know. I don't want my family to remember the holidays as when I came out. I just feel confused right now.
     
    #12 EM68, Dec 22, 2008
  13. Greggers

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    Its totally normal to feel that way!

    The important thing is dont trick yourself into thinking that its something that it is not. Its just the fact your anxious, we all get it. I dont think its second thoughts or anything, cause ive been there too. The more important the person you want to tell, the more your gut will twist itself into a pretzel. Just do things to take your mind of the subject. Everyone has a different stress-be-gone method. I like to listen to music personally. And you are really, really brave to tell your family all at once like that! I could never muster up that courage all at once, good for you! :slight_smile:
     
    #13 Greggers, Dec 22, 2008
  14. Pendrin2020

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    I think you should just worry about today. You know when it's gonna happen, and the time in between is all yours. All of your time is all yours. Focus on getting through today. Living one day at a time is one hell of a lot easier than living weeks at a time.

    You can't control what happens after the news hits them. Nor can you try to engineer it ahead of time. Take a deep, deep breathe and remind yourself that this is all going down a week or so from now. Not Today. In the next seven days or so, you could take on a whole new attitude about this and sail right through it.

    For the last week or so I've been having that same anxiety, I know what I'm dreading, but it's like "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH ME" I'm happy. I'm Sad. I'm happy. I'm sad. Hello... let's cry. For a day or so it felt like the world was spinning out of control but everything was fine. If that makes sense.

    Finally, a friend of mine suggested I just let it go, and let god handle it. I'm not Christian but I do believe that something is keeping this crazy world going and if it can handle that, it'll take care of this. Besides like I said, I can't control how they react, but I can control how I choose to react to them and how it effects me.

    So long story short, just relax and let it go. Keep whatever deadline you feel is necessary and don't be afraid to push it forward. What they do is outside of your control, why worry about it?
     
    #14 Pendrin2020, Dec 22, 2008
  15. EM68

    EM68
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    That is how I feel. Generally I am the happiest I have been in a long time. I guess its the fear of stepping into the unknown is driving me crazy.

    Tonight I went to the local PFLAG meeting and I mentioned my coming out plan. As soon as I said that everyone wanted to know so I told them. Also I told them how I was feeling today. They all were great and gave me tons of encouragement. As of right now I am going to stick to my plan. Thanks everyone ! (&&&)
     
    #15 EM68, Dec 22, 2008
  16. starfish

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    Yes that is exactly it. It is like this flood of emotions that just keep changing. If I didn't know any better I would swear I was bipolar. I'm just hoping that it does not show too much when I am around family the next week and a half.
     
    #16 starfish, Dec 22, 2008
  17. beckyg

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    You know it may just be a GOOD thing! Try not to let the negative thoughts dwell. Instead try to focus on more positive things. Keep yourself busy and when the time feels right, just do it. :slight_smile: (*hug*)
     
    #17 beckyg, Dec 23, 2008
  18. EM68

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    I feel a lot better this morning. The PLAG meeting along with you guys have helped me a lot. I am going to sting to my original plans and come out to them after the New Year. I think the reason why I have been anxious is the fear of the unknown. I can not finger it exactly. I am going to try to keep busy and enjoy the holidays. Thanks everyone!
     
    #18 EM68, Dec 23, 2008
  19. beckyg

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    I'm so happy you are still going to PFLAG! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:
     
    #19 beckyg, Dec 23, 2008
  20. EM68

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    I am still going! They are a great group of people. There is a couple that as a 14 year old son that is gay. He came last night and I told him about EC. I talked to him and his mom telling them that EC is a great, safe place to hang out. He said he would check it out.
     
    #20 EM68, Dec 23, 2008
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