I have come a long was since joining EC a year ago. I started out deeply depressed and hating that I was gay. With a lot of support here and from my counselor, I accepted and embraced that I was gay, developed a great social life with other gay men and recently met a great guy and have fallen madly in love. Thanks for all your help! Now, it is time for me to come out to my family. As with many of you, I am scared, but I know that I am ready to do it. My family lives a long way away, and I will not be able to travel to three different cities, so I will need to do it by phone or letter. I am going to tell my siblings by phone, but I really need some advice as to my parents. They are in their 70’s and from a more conservative generation. I am also in my 40’s, was previously married and I have kids now. Any advice on approaching them and what I might expect from them? I know my situation is slightly different from that of a younger person, so I am curious if any of you know of similar “comings out” and the reactions from the parents. I guess I am trying to prepare for all possible reactions, comments and protestations ahead of time. Thanks.
hi, Im new one here, noticed that this hasnt had any replies. I don't have any experience in any of that, but others might see it if I make a reply?.. I think if your parents love you they'll come to terms with it, my dad had a HUGE heart to heart with me the other night cause we had this massive family argument and stuff. He was saying that any decisions I make now are my decisions and he repects them completely, if I decided to bring back some guy OR GIRL (which I was not expecting because they have no idea about me and he's pretty conservative) he'd respect it and love me anyway. I think most family will be similar. If you accept who you are they'll follow. Even if it takes them time to adjust, give them that time. Good luck! And happy holidays
There is a section of the forum full of letters and and Ideas and advice on how to come out. It should be on the main index.
Thanks, guys. I have read many of the prior threads and letters on the topic generally. I was more focused on experiences with older parents of a son/daughter coming out to them a bit later in life.
Hi there! Not sure if this might help but before I came out to my parents I wrote them a letter explaining everything. I felt that a two page letter would be appropriate given that I am in my early 30s and I thought they should know what has been happening in my life. The letter laid it all out, including the highs and lows of my coming out experience. I also mentioned that I know it for a long time but that I did things so to fit in and that I tried to change who I am only to come to the realization that this is normal and that there is nothing to be ashamed about (If you want, I can pm you the letter). Although I wrote the letter, I ended up talking with them in person. Maybe give it some thought as to whether a letter would be appropriate for your parents. I don't think there is a limit on the length because you do want to make sure that by the end of it they have a clear idea as to what you have been going through and where you are at in your life. Even though your parents are conservative and in their 70s, I think they might still understand you and accept you. What might help, come out to your siblings first. Maybe ask them for their support before you come out to your parents. Maybe also ask them what they would suggest as to how you could approach your parents. I hope this helps a bit! Happy holidays
Thanks, Asteroid. I would love to see your letter. I am thinking about doing it by letter, as well. Otherwise, I don't know that I would be able to convey all that I want to tell them. Also, I think a letter will allow them to go back and reflect on what I have said. I am definately going to come out to my siblings first. I know they will be supportive, and I am interested in their thoughts on my parents.
I am very interested to see how this works out for you. I live about 600 miles from my parents and I not sure about the logistics. I am thinking of making a trip this spring and telling the on penultimate day of my visit. As for coming out to them, I plan to tell them in person. I also plan to prepare for it like I would for a customer presentation. I am going to make an outline of what I want to tell them and try to anticipate possible questions and research answers to them before hand. I may also grab a friend before hand and do a few trial runs. As you have been married and have children I'm sure your topics will be different. As for myself I plan to cover the reason why I am in my late twenties and have never had a girlfriend and how I would rather be alone than try and pretend to be straight. I also plan to explain that I am still the same person with the same wacky political and world views and that they don't have to worry about me falling into drugs or promiscuous sex because I have never been or will be interested in such things. My goal when I leave is not so much for them to accept it, but that I won't have to hide it any longer and I can be myself.
