Wow, I can't believe that I've finally joined an LGBT forum. A little bit about me, I am 27 years old and have known I've been gay for a very long time. I am a Certified Flight Instructor, a group that really does not approve of gays. I mean come on we all have to be straight chasing women all of the time and honestly hard a$$es. lol I've hidden who and what I am. I am not sure I can do this any longer. Here's my story. I've known I was gay since probably the 8th grade. No never had a gay experience, not ready for that. I've tried to hide this by denying it, dating women, praying that I could change, and hoping it was just a phase. I want to come out and live my life and stop living a lie. I just don't know when and how to do this. I don't have any gay friends to talk to about this. Live in a small town. I've always told myself I can't be gay. I like camping, hiking, shooting target matches, fishing, driving fast cars. All of the so called manly things. I belong to the free masons, carrying on something that's been in my family for 100 years. Let's just say I don't think they would approve to much of having an open gay. I feel like I am ready to come out, maybe, just really scared. I still live with my mother while I am looking to relocate to a larger flight school 2000 miles away from where I currently live and finishing my bachelors degree. I don't know if she would accept it. It scares me. She is a single mother and we're close. I am her only kid and she had been bugging me about when I am going to settle down with a girl and give her some grandkids. She also keeps trying to set me up and I have to make up an excuse as to why I can't. My mother does have a cousin that's lesbian and they're best friends. She considers her partner part of the family. But that's not her kid. I remember in high school I was looking online for info about being gay and she found out, darn history, and cried for about 3 days. Made up some excuse that got me out of it and it was never brought up again. I feel like I can't wait though to come out and meet people like me. I've become severally depressed, stopped hanging around with old friends, gained weight. Pretty much I work, come home then go to bed. No, not to the point of wanting to hurt myself. Just to the point where I feel like I have no value to anyone if they we're to find out. I am basically lost on what to do and need advice. I know that there are no magical words that can solve this. Just looking for advice from someone that has been in a similar situation. Thanks!
i think the first step in any situation like this is to make sure you accept yourself fully before you come out and get to a point where you feel 100% ready. since you live with your mother, it's your call on whether or not you want to wait until you aren't in that situation (some people's parents throw them out). if you're at a point where you're comfortable, all you can really do is tell them. be honest and true to yourself. there are ways to meet other people in similar situations as well (online, at gay bars, etc) and eventually it will seem normal and you will be so much happier. good luck with whatever you decide to do
Aviator are we the same person? xD Just kidding. I too live in a small town and am afraid to tell my mother I'm gay. I have told a few people though and they were very accepting. Slowly but surely I'm gonna work up to telling my parents. The only advice I have for you is to tell people who you're pretty sure will accept you. Kinda build up confidence slowly. If you have a few people that are accepting that can get behind you for support. That's about as far as I am in my process. Of course before you tell her you might want kinda an escape plan just in case. I don't have mine yet. I wish I could be more help but I'm not exactly all the way out. Thanks for listening to my rant.
Aviator your amongst friends. Your also not unique. All of us have agonized about Coming Out. Hell, I didn't Come Out till I was 51. Sounds like you've accepted the fact your Gay and want to live "Your " life. Take some time and get comfortable with yourself. Trust me, I'm a 51 year old Moma's Boy. Your mother will come around. When I told my mother she was like a champ. As long as your happy that all that counts is what she told me. Years I worried what she would think. Your 27, lots of life ahead of you. Many guys in the military have Come Out and are enjoying careers in the military. I'm sure you a flight instructor will be able to navigate being out and being a flight instructor. Keep us updated.
Hello, Welcome to Ec! It appears you have taken the first step towards self acceptance. Perhaps, it may be a good idea to make a mental list (or a written one) on what your ultimate goal is and time frames? Like is there anyone close (like a friend) to you that you would like to talk about your sexuality, and by when (6 or 8 months, etc).
Just feel blessed you are in the place you are (i know it seems hard, but it could be worse). For instance I am married, with a two year old, going back to school and fully supported by my wife, and have been kidding myself of my identity for my life thus far, and literally no way out. Just keep your head up and know you can do it, YOU can move away...YOU can eventually tell people... That in itself is a blessing to be able to do. I wish you well and I know you will do great things and find the perfect place and time. Much love, M-
Aviator, you're basically me 3 years ago, minus the slightly homophobic mother & being in a hyper-masculine profession. Like you I had dated women, was in the closet and became depressed, gained 50 lbs rapidly and stopped talking with friends. The only thing that got me out of it was talking with a few gay friends & telling them how I was feeling. Hearing "it's okay to be gay" literally changed my life. I've been in a very similar place you're in now and it's a dark, depressing place to be in. Hang out on this forum & read other's stories and interact. If you want to talk more, feel free to hit up my wall.
Thanks for all of the replys. I really don't think she would ask me to leave if I do decide to tell her. That being said it would just be more of a akward disappointment? 50ishand out, that's great that your mother took it well. I hope when the time is right mine has the same reaction. Nat3, definitely a good idea to make a time line that way I can at least have a goal to look frowards to. Most of my firends I am not sure how they would react. Mjayman, wow that's definitely a difficult spot to be in. I agree I could definitely have it worse. I really hope everything works out You're 100% right that one day I will be able to move away and be myslef. It just feels like that day is far away. Guitar, hopefuly in a coupe of years I can be open and living life. I am glad that talking helped you. Part of the reason I joined this group was to talk and hear it's okay to be gay. Just knowing that there are people my age and older who are still dealing with coming out and accepting them selves really helps. I feel like I've wasted my 20's hiding. I am ready to finally stop hiding. Hopefully being active on this site and reading other's stories, I can navigate out of this dark spot, learn that it's okay to be gay and not the end of the world, and talk to others that are or have been going through the same thing.
Funny I am a pilot and I came out to my flight instructor who happened to be bisexual. You must first accept yourself and be happy with the fact that you are gay. They say great things are on the other side of fear, so when you feel you're ready to come out build up the courage and come out. By coming out you will have the rest of your life to be the real you. I was 47 when I came out, I only wish I could've come out at your age. So you're an adult, I think your mom would be accepting. It may take her a little time to adjust, but I think she will still love you as her son. As for all the macho pilots, come out slowly as required, I am sure most we'll be accepting. Some may even be gay themselves. There is also a gay pilots association. You are not changing who you are you are just being yourself, the real you. Good luck and happy flying!!
Aviator182- I was in a very similar boat. (I'm 29 now and have been coming out to everyone over the past 2 months). I had only been with women, had only straight friends, etc... it wasn't really until 2-3years ago that I started getting comfortable with the idea of being gay for myself. Then, it was just difficult to come out because I was older..everyone knew me as straight...so I did get depressed and had no idea what to do. I came out to a woman who really wanted a relationship with me. After I came out to her it felt so freeing, so then I came out to Family and other friends and it has been a very exciting experience. It is a bit scary, as it's a whole new world/lifestyle in a lot of ways. It's mostly about normalizing it for yourself. Realizing there are all types of gay guys, just like there are all types of straight guys. (It's just more common for the "straight-acting" ones to hide...). If you can, try traveling somewhere so you can meet other gay people. Maybe try coming out to your mother's cousin first if she's the only gay person you know and are comfortable with her. She may have some gay friends you could just talk to about it.
I didn't come out until I was 26/27. It took me awhile to accept myself and realize that my family and friends--and society at large--were likely to be accepting of me. And they were. Before I came out, most of my friends were straight guys, and my interests were pretty stereotypically masculine. Since coming out, I haven't lost any of my straight friends, and I don't see my interests as being incompatible with my sexuality. Like I said to my best friend, "I'm still me, I just have things in my internet history you wouldn't have expected."
Thank you all for the tips and advice. Billy that's awesome that you have that relationship with your flight instructor. I have heard of the National Gay Pilots Association and do plan on joining in the near future as soon as I am not living at home. Mickey, it's nice to know that there are other people that did not accept them selves and come out until their mid 20's. I do feel lost because because I've finally accepted this, but now have no clue how/when to tell or how to meet other's. I am sure it will get better with time I have thought about coming out to my mother's cousin. The main problem is we're not close. I have never just called and talked to her. So it might be kind of weird, but I know that she would at least be okay with me being gay. My mother on the other hand keeps dropping hints that she would not be okay with it. So it looks like I am waiting until I move. That will be hopefully within six months. Semicharmedlife. I agree 100% with you. Being gay is such a small part of my life it should not make a difference in how people see me. I am still the same person I have always been it's just I prefer guys. I don't understand why it's so hard to come out. It should not matter who we like. I thought about talking to my best friend, but he's not so accepting. With the marriage equality he's dropped so hints that he does not agree with it. So for the time being this forum is going to be my outlet. Thank you all for the tips and thoughts. I understand everyone goes through this process, it's just all so new to me.
Wow, that really resonated with me... I'm 29 and not out to anyone but my therapist. You've gotten lots of great advice and support, so I'll just add that in my case, going to therapy and having a sort of "safe place" where I could talk about coming out and have someone else's perspective really helped. This kind of objective view that a professional can have was exactly what I needed at that point, so maybe you can find someone in your area that you can talk to. Good luck!
