I have been out to my parents and friends for over a month now and in total I've come out to 10 people over several months. They've all been fine with it, even accepting of it. Only one reaction wasn't like I wished it would be, but it wasn't really as bad as it could've been either. For the most part, everyone who knows is fine with it and are supportive. The thing is, I seem to be the only one who still has a problem with it. A few of the friends I've told have been more supportive than I ever could've imagined, and they are genuinely happy for me or either don't care/treat me any differently. Still, for some reason, I've become my own worst enemy. Although I've come out to 10 people so far, I've told every single one of them by text message. I've never had the courage to actually sit someone down face to face and tell them. I'm not comfortable talking about it in person. Even with my friends who know, we don't speak about it in person, only in text. Whenever we are together in person it's pretty much the elephant in the room, unspoken but obviously there. Why can't I just accept me for me like they all have? Even though I've come out to them to generally positive reviews, I still don't feel like I'm out of the closet because I'm stifling myself with my own inability to accept it.
Well, you're the one going through it so it's going to be a bigger deal to you then the people around you. You just told 10 people something very important to you that you haven't told anyone before. It might take time to let that completely sink in. It wasn't some monumental thing that suddenly changed your entire perspective on life, but it did happen. In the meantime I think you should try talking to at least one person face-to-face, even if it is uncomfortable. You know they're mostly accepting, but experiencing it in person might help you feel like they are. Good luck with everything! If you ever want to talk feel free to wall post me. (*hug*)
Like lettuce said, you're the one going through this. You are going to have to accept yourself because you can't really "push yourself" to be straight. There's nothing wrong with you. Look at this website it's a huge community of LGBTQ people and we are all perfect the way we are, but also if you could be more specific on how you don't feel right about yourself we could help you even more.
Thanks for your reply I understand it takes time. I just wish that I could at least be comfortable talking to the people who know about it. I feel like that would make coping with it easier. Another problem I have is that I have 0 gay friends. So even talking to the people I told won't be 100% effective because I don't have anyone who truly knows what I'm going through and what it entails.
I know how you feel. I do have one bisexual friend but that doesn't feel like it's enough for me. I'm getting excited for the school year to start because I might, just might, find a another gay guy that I could talk to.
OneStranger, I have a laundry list of things I'm not comfortable with about myself. For starters, I'm a very private person so opening up to anyone is extremely hard. I feel needy as far as having someone to talk to. I have made several new friends recently, but it's always me who makes contact first. I feel more like a burden than a friend. There's also the fact that ever since I came out I have had an insatiable desire to feel loved and accepted (despite the fact that everyone I've told has been accepting). At 20 years old, I've never dated/kissed anyone, never been in a relationship, etc. I don't feel attractive enough or confident enough to even initiate a relationship anyways. I guess to sum it all up I just feel... inadequate :/
That's the good thing about community's like Empty Closets. It's anonymous so you can say anything and no one is going to judge you, everyone here can only help. I would love to help with anything that you can through at me. Just make a new forum post and say anything or just private message a advisor or anyone and they'll help.
pgc317 your going to be gay a long time. You have plenty of time to talk about it. Take some time and get use to yourself. You've told some people, the world doesn't have to know. Sounds like you're young. I'm guessing later teens early 20's, trust me I'm 51 and just Came Out this year. It's the societal shame that causes our inability to talk about our sexuality. When and if you're ready you'll talk about it. Until then we're here to talk with.
Out of all the people you told, maybe you can try to ask one of them to refer you to another LGBT person they may know? I asked one of my close friends that I came out to if she knew any and she told me about a gay guy that goes to our school. I hope to meet him soon when I go back to school. If not this, you could always try looking for an LGBT support group that may be close to where you live. Other than that, I'm always here if you ever want to talk about anything. Just post a message on my wall.
You have identified your problem right there. You don't have any gay friends that you can talk to face-to-face, about what you are feeling, and discover that they probably felt the same way you are feeling, and it is completely normal. Gay people need to share their stories with each other, just as we are doing here, but in a real time natural setting, where you can see the expressions on their faces, and maybe give them a hug and go out to do something together, as naturally as you do it with your straight friends. Start to work on this as your next step in coming out.
