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If my mother is strongly opposed to gay marriage, is that a good indication that...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SubZero, Aug 1, 2015.

  1. SubZero

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    ...she won't approve of me being gay?

    My mother is very vocal about her opinion on everything. She's the type of person that will tell others whether she approves or disproves of someone or something and will say it as if her opinion is always right. Don't get me wrong, I still love her...but it's just scary to think that I'll have to eventually come out to her and she probably won't be okay with me being gay. My dad, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have any opinion on gay people or same-sex marriage. He just seems neutral about it and doesn't seem to care...which I respect about him.

    The weird thing is that my mom isn't super religious. She does believe in a god, but she doesn't believe everything from the bible. She even told the people who go door-to-door handing out bibles to others that she is aware the bible was written by humans and not god himself and politely said "no thanks" to them.

    Basically, my mother has made it clear she doesn't approve of marriage equality because whenever gay marriage or something LGBT related is on the news, she immediately says, "BLAGGHHH! Disgusting!" It really hurts... :icon_sad:

    But what I truly don't understand is that my mother does like gay people whether she knows it or not. For example, when she's conversing with a gay person, she seems to really enjoy talking to that person. Like, we had a gay waiter and when he left, she said "I like him. He's very funny and a joy to talk. Let's leave him a good tip." She didn't know he was openly gay, even though he made it clear that he was.

    Anybody got any reason why my mom seems to be opposed to marriage equality but likes gay people? Or does anybody have any advice on how to come out to her?
     
  2. CodeForLife

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    Re: If my mother is strongly opposed to gay marriage, is that a good indication that.

    This is a tough question. I'm by no means an expert, but it sounds like the idea of "being gay" is what she has an internal objection to. Given that she doesn't have anything against the people themselves, based on your waiter example, her internal perception of "being gay" must have a strong negative connotation. Is it possible this is something she was taught by her parents? You might consider somehow re-phrasing your question and trying to discover why doesn't she like gay people? and what about gay people is disgusting? If it just comes down to sex, from my perspective at least, this is no less disgusting than straight sex.

    I think it would be wise to try and gather a little more intel to see how you can help her understand that gay people are not bad but are just regular people trying to get by and be happy in the world. Although, obviously I personally would be cautious to not out myself while trying to ask these questions, so I would advise thinking about the right phrasing of these questions.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. SubZero

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    Re: If my mother is strongly opposed to gay marriage, is that a good indication that.

    Yeah, I kinda asked 2 completely different questions in my original post, which I didn't mean to do. I basically am just puzzled as to why my mom seems to like gay people, but hates equal marriage to same-sex couples. I feel like she is contradicting herself. This makes it hard for me to come out to her because I have no idea what her reaction will be.

    The topic of homosexuality rarely comes up, but she makes it clear that she doesn't approve of it. I've seen her flicking through channels and when she sees 2 guys kissing on tv, she shivers and says how disgusting that is. But when she sees a heterosexual couple on tv kissing or if she is watching a love story involving a heterosexual couple, she goes "Awwww...how cuuuuuttteeee!!" My best guess is that the whole idea of "being gay" is new to her. She knows of no one in her personal life who is gay (I'm still closeted, so not including me of course).

    I'll try to re-word my question better in another thread. Sorry if I wasn't clear.
     
  4. CodeForLife

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    Re: If my mother is strongly opposed to gay marriage, is that a good indication that.

    Not a problem at all. (*hug*) I technically didn't answer the original questions, I just gave my comments.

    Based on your description of her, my guess is, if she knew the person was gay, she would probably change her opinion of him or her to not like them.

    I think you need to figure out what about gay people she doesn't like or finds disgusting before you can come up with a strategy to come out to her.
     
  5. SubZero

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    Re: If my mother is strongly opposed to gay marriage, is that a good indication that.

    It's very possible that her opinion would change if she realizes someone is gay. I have a very sharp gaydar, so I can tell for the most part who is gay and who isn't (although our waiter told us he was, but my mom must not have heard him or cared to remember).

    Regarding your last sentence, I will definitely do that. I'm not planning on coming out to her anytime soon so I think I'll get a better understanding as to why she thinks that way eventually. Thanks! :slight_smile: