So im a closeted homosexual. I am just about finished my tertiary (university) studies and will soon be looking for employment in my degree. As I have said in another post, I do not have many friends. I live far away from my close friend and we still enjoy each other’s company. My life is kind of in limbo at the moment. I can either stay where I am or move back to my home city where most of my friends are. But I also want to come out. I fear that when I come out I may end up being and feeling even more alone. For a number of reasons, I cant see my friends accepting homosexuality. I would lose some of them. Id be the elephant in the room. That is what is making me want to stay where I am. But it gets lonely sometimes, and my support network is limited. I really only have one or two people who I can call upon, but they are work colleagues.. I have struggled to make friends and fear (maybe an irrational fear) that being openly gay will make it even harder. I guess my fear is that if I am out, and I am not liked or cannot make new friends, my ‘true’ self is not liked. At least now I can say that people don’t know the real me. I know that there is gay support groups and I have genuinely considered attending. But just because people are gay does not necessarily mean that they will get along. Am I over thinking this? Should I have more trust in people? Am I a coward for now taking a risk (a risk that I could not take back if things don’t work out)?
I break "time" into three segments - short term, medium term and long term. I then ask myself, what time frame matches how I want to live my life and what goals do I want/need to achieve. I also do a risk assessment. For you specifically I say if you do not make yourself venerable there will be little to no gain. (basically no growth) Friends. Old friends who do not really care about you and who do not accept you for who you are will fade away. Living openly creates opportunity. Opportunity to meet new friends. And those new friends will accept and help you for who you are - a huge plus. Hope this helps a bit. Ya I know it's hard. Hey not bad for a Yank. Cheers mate.
This may sound simplistic, but come out to your friends where you are, and if it doesn't work out to your satisfaction, then move back to your home city and rethink what you want to do there.
