Hello! ^^ :help: So I've been out to a few friends and my brother for a while and they've been supportive. Today I just told my mom I'm gay. At first she said she knew because I've brought out the gay topic a few times in our discussions. After that she had lots of questions like "How do you know you are lesbian?", "What made you think that?" and lots of similar questions. I forgot to mention I'm 17. Turning 18 pretty soon. She thinks that I may be to young to know my sexuality because I've never done more than kissing a girl. I explained her that I had a sexual attempt with a guy that felt super wrong for me and I stopped it before we got to a serious point. I had 2 boyfriends and I cannot say I felt too romantically or sexually attracted to them. To get to the point, after talking to her she made me question myself again even thought I was deadly sure before that, that I was a lesbian. While she said she'll love me no matter who I end up with which I kinda knew before I came out to her, she tells me to keep my mind open to both genders and she tells me that after experimenting with a girl I'll probably realize that I'm straight because for her sex with a girl is worse that sex with a guy(P.S: She told me that for her sex never was something thrilling, but that doesn't make her gay). I'm girly and she says that I don't fit in the stereotypes and other stuff like in a relationship between two girls one is masculine and one more feminine so it's basically the same thing as with a guy and other stereotypical crap. I feel relieved on one hand that she knows now and she will always love me and she'll be ok no matter what I choose(or so she says), but I feel amazingly angered :tantrum: She clearly thinks I will suddenly turn out straight and she thinks that gay and lesbian people are just politically influenced people and you can't be born like that. Wtf?! I'm just questioning all over again and it sucks so bad. I don't want to try and have sex with a guy to be sure. I find it disgusting. While she may have some points that probably after dating a girl and falling in love I'll be sure, the fact that she doesn't take me that seriously it kills me. I'm pretty sure of how I feel. I know that she can't totally understand because what I tell her is mostly based on feelings and small experiences, but how can I make her understand? Should I just let it go for now? Is she probably experiencing denial? I know she is concerned I may take the wrong path, but I don't think this is the case. Thank you for any feedback in advance! (*hug*) EC proved to be really supportive all the time (&&&)
These experiences don't seem as small as other people have had whilst still knowing their sexuality, also, maybe because she's your mother she still considers you younger than you are, my parents do that too, but 17/18 years old is much more mature than ages other people might come out at and I don't consider that in any way too young to know myself. I'm not actually gay and I haven't come out as trans yet, so I don't know how helpful I can really be,but I know a lot of people who are gay/bi/pan and they've all had people who have been at the same level as accepting as your mother seems to be. My step brother was asked that whole "you don't have experience so how can you know" thing, but I haven't had experience - I'm sure most other straight people knew they were straight without experience. Knowing your sexual orientation doesn't require experience because it's just who you are, maybe if you apply it to her experiences she might believe you more? the stereotypes thing makes it seem like she's as politically influenced as she thinks LGBT+ people are (I really get how annoying that attitude is) but she might just need time to get used to you being out, even if she says she's known, the confirmation means she actually has to accept that part of you and it can be hard, just like it can be hard to accept that part of yourself at first.
there are many people like that don't worry beautiful girl lesbian are pretty accepted (specially those who look femenine)
She doesn't deserve to put you into a stereotype, especially one she doesn't know a lot about. She cannot tell you who you are. That doesn't make sense, she is not in your head. She is straight, and clearly doesn't know a lot about LGBT+ people, so how is she supposed to tell you what to do and who to love? Thats hella not okay. Be yourself girl. Do you.
Thank you a lot for your responses and support! ^_^ It's true she doesn't know that much about LGBT+ people and I'm hoping that now after coming out she'll inform a bit. Either way I'll just continue to be myself and love who I want. I also consider that experience isn't a factor that decides your sexuality. I hope she'll get used to it in time.
That's all you need to know, really. (*hug*) Your mother obviously didn't handle your coming out well but don't let her comments doubt you. I haven't even kissed a girl yet but I'm pretty sure what gender I like. And stereotypes are just stereotypes, nothing more. Enjoy who you are.
hey there I agree with anything the others wrote. knowing if you are gay/lesbian/whatever has nothing to do with experience, sometimes you need it, but mostly you just know. This might be a shock for your mother and it may take her time (even years) to adjust to that truth and to overcome those stereotypes. You are the only one able to show her what it truly means to be lesbian. but of course you don't have to. anything you do concerning your sexuality is only your desicion. if you were to decide that you were straight/bi-/pansexual/asexual/etc. tomorrow it is still your desicion and its ok as long as you are happy with yourself and don't do it or try to become it for someone else. (*hug*) so don't worry, be proud (*hug*)
Its awesome to hear that it went that well! I'm so happy for you!!!! (*hug*)!!!! On the other hand, your mom says you don't fit the "stereotype?!?!" Also, she thinks that the ability to have sex will stop you from being a lesbian?!?!?! JEEZ. She will probably learn some things in time. (*hug*)
Thank you Joey and The Purple One! ^_^ Hope she will learn some things in time and discover that you can't judge a person based on stereotypes. All the responses here really helped me.
