Hi everyone, First, I want to share my extremely awesome coming out experiences so far! I came out to my two closest friends as "not straight/probably gay" and they both had completely amazing and supportive reactions. They both said it doesn't change anything, and they will always be my friend no matter what, and they just hope I will be able to accept myself so that I can be happy (as I explained that I have been struggling since I was raised conservatively and therefore am only realizing I am not straight now, and I am rather old!). I know I am super lucky to have such amazing friends and it felt great to come out to them!!!! :icon_bigg:icon_bigg The difficulty I am having is that both of these friends live far away from me. So that means I do not have any close friends that I actually spend time with who know I am gay (or probably gay...I am in a doubtful mood today, although last week I was 100% certain--I am still in that phase). I have recently (within the last year) made a few friends from a meet up group locally, and there is one girl in particular with whom I have been spending a lot of time. She is sort of the social leader of a little group of friends (not so little, really--about 20 people) and so now I have been included, although I am not usually one to have large groups of friends. Anyway, I do not feel super close to her like I feel with my very close friends who I came out to, but since we have been spending a lot of time together the subject of boys has been coming up (she is straight and has a boyfriend and likes to set her friends up with dates). She has mentioned setting me up with a guy twice now, and when laughing it off or changing the subject didn't work I was finally forced to say "Thanks a lot, but I am not interested in general in that kind of thing right now." She didn't press me for a reason (and maybe now the subject will be closed and this post will have been unnecessary?) but it was really awkward, and I felt bad not telling her the real reason I am not interested. I know she is 1000% supportive of lgbt and has lesbian friends, so that is not the issue (and in that way coming out to her would be a plus, as i have no lesbian friends at all). The problem is, I feel like I don't know her well enough to trust that she wouldn't let something slip to another person in the group and then pretty soon everyone would know. I am barely out and still sometimes questioning, so I don't want that, but the subject of boys keeps coming up. Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with this situation? I can't lie...I am a terrible liar so I would never get away with it, and anyway I don't want to. But I don't want to tell her yet, either. Should I just take the plunge and hope for the best? Or is there something I can tell her to get her off the subject? I feel like it is coming up constantly and I just freeze every time and don't know what to say.:help:
Hopefully the subject of dating will be closed, but if not you can always impress that you don't want to talk about it and that you're not interested right now. If you do want to tell her, she sounds wonderful and supportive. Does she seem like a gossip or like someone who lets personal information slip? If not, you can always tell her but ask her to keep it a secret. Offer an explanation if you need to. Otherwise, just wait until you're comfortable. And there's always, "I'm not really interested in guys. Know any girls?"
Hi Aspen, Thanks so much for your reply! I have decided to wait to tell her until I feel like I would be okay with everyone in our circle of friends knowing, otherwise I will just be anxious about it afterwards. I am sure she would try to keep my secret, but she is very into discussing other people's relationships and I feel like she might accidentally say something to someone. I will definitely use your line when I do feel ready! I am betting she might actually know some girls, which would be great!
