Confused 22 y/o

Welcome to EC! A few quick things to mull over first.

>>>I consider myself to be pretty 'straight' in terms of my lifestyle....I haven’t been exposed to much of the homosexual culture due to the people I associate with.

Despite what you might think, there really isn't a "gay culture". Sure, some gays do things like go to gay nightclubs, or drag shows, or whatever. But that's not "gay culture" - it's just one small portion of it. Think of that sort of thing like...oh, NASCAR races (if you're in the US). Yeah, that's something straight people do, but it's not something ALL (or even MOST) straight people do. So what IS gay culture? Well, it's what gay people do. And generally, we do what straight people do. I went to a drag show in the past week, for instance, but I also went to a contact sporting event, hung out with friends, played video games, all that. The one AND ONLY difference between me and my straight friends is that I dig guys. That's it.

And yes, I have straight friends. Plenty of them, in fact. Sexuality doesn't affect a true friendship. They may have questions about things, but they'll still be friends. It may be nerve-wracking to realize that you may be "putting your friendships to the test", but do know that most come through with flying colors.

So what should you do? First step is to come out to the most important person - you. Look in the mirror and say "I'm gay". Until you can say it without feeling your stomach twist up. Until you can say it without sounding like you're admitting to murder. Until you can say it like you're saying "I'm six feet tall". Because - and here's the dirty little secret - your sexuality is really no big deal. For most people out there, who you're attracted to and who you go to bed with really is of no concern. Not only that, but it's been my experience that, when you come out to people, they take a cue from you. If you treat it like a huge horrible secret - "I have something to tell you. I don't know if I can even say it, you have to swear not to tell anyone..." - then they'll respond in kind. But if you approach it like it's a simple fact - "I'm gay, and I think it's time I let other people know. I'd rather they heard it from me than anyone else, so I'd prefer if you let me tell them..." - then they'll take it the same way.

The main reason thaht coming out is a good idea is that it gets you beyond the hiding, beyond the fear, beyond the worrying. Once you're out, people know, you don't have to "watch your words", and you can go on with living your life. And as many of us here can attest, being gay and out can totally kick ass.

Lex

 

hi drake. im sarah. im going through sexuality mix up stuff too.

so u say tat uve been attracted to guys all ur life? well hav u ever dated or considered dating a girl. cuz u hav been in an all boys school for lik all of ur hormonal life.
nd i think u shud just talk to someone about ur confusion. just vent to someone u trust.

experiment. since ur unsure i think u shud go out and look at girls and guys and c wat u lik and explore ur options

 

I recently came out to my self about 2 months ago and I have had a lot of the same thoughts you have posted.

I have got to say that Lex hit the nail right on the head as usual.

For the longest time it hurt to think that was even gay. Then I got to where I could say it to my self. Then last week I had someone ask me if I'm straight or if I like boys. I was able proudly say that I like boys, and it felt so good to be able to say that to another person. I'm not quite to the end of the journey yet, but I know soon being gay will be like the sky being blue or the earth round.

The best part so far has been all of the questions I have answered about my self. In the past I would answer one question and I would come up with 2 more. Now as I am figuring this stuff out, it is like peeling away an onion. Like just a couple of days ago I finally figured out why I like a lot of girls I see, but why I find naked girls boring. Turns out I am really just interested in the closets they are wearing. That and their hair, I am have always been intrigued with how different hair styles can make them look so different. Never in a million year would I have thought I would be interested in something like clothes and hair.

In past the past I would have rejected such a revolution because it is not something men do. I still also love power tools, cars and computers. So my old self is still there, I just have new stuff to go along with. I have to say it feels so great to be able to say I think that is a great looking top, boy is he cute, and is that new DeWalt 36V hammer I bet that thing is sweet.

 

First off, welcome to EC!!! secondly I know exactly what u have been going through, I am gay but I don't necessarily think of being gay in the steropytipical sense that gays are wimps and sissys. Hell no we can be and do whatever we want, as for me I like to draw, and theorize but I also like watching wrestling or when some guy gets punched in the face! :O But anyway you are who you want to be and as for being able to say that you are gay, is a vital step in understanding who you truly are. So don't be afraid to say hey you know what, I'm gay but I like to do normal guy stuff. "In a world where we don't have to wear masks, we can truly see that underneath the shroud, we are all te same"

 

I've had similar experiences, but over time realized I'm bisexual, but gravitate towards men based on the pure emotional level...it might have something to do with emotional attachment rather than purely physical.

 

well as far as being confused, you need to decide specifically what you are confused about, then systematically go through the problems. This is what I did and in the end it all worked out for me! So yeah but this is how I did it but you just have to find the best to solve your problems, and if you need to vent then you got some thousand people here who will talk to you.

 

hey drake welcome to EC this is a great place to discover who you really are and meet a lot of great people along the way!

 

Lex just gets it right everytime. It's completely true, the hardest part is accepting it yourself, i know i got very upset, and it hurt to say it out loud, luckily i had a counsellor who i had to talk to, and so that accelerated things.

In 6 weeks i got over it, realised it really isn't that bad, and in the last week, although bad timing with the holiday season xD I've come out to most of my friends, and although some were a bit surprised, that was the extent of their reaction, most people really do not care, it just seems a big deal to you because you have been struggling with it for so long.

and being honest about yourself is a great feeling, the two hardest parts (coming out to yourself, and coming out to your first friend) yield the best rewards as well, you feel much happier, at least i know i did

and this place is a great way to see you aren't alone, and that gay people are (by and large) a fairly normal bunch of folk ^_^

 

Welcome to EC drake! This is a great place, it helps us realize that there are lots of people out there going through similar stuff. Like you I've struggled with my sexuality my whole life. It took me most of high school to finally be sure that I was gay, and even longer to finally accept who I was. In fact it just happened about 3 weeks ago. The problem now is that I have no idea what to do about it. I also tend to put other people first, so this whole worrying about myself is weird to me.

Anyway by reaching out you've taken a big step. The scariest thing I've ever done was come out to my first friend. But, good friends will support you. The relationship changes. But, it changes for the better. Having even 1 person you can honestly talk about this stuff with makes a HUGE difference. and telling the 2nd person is infinitely easier.

It's totally ok to not be 100% sure. As you talk about it more, even if it's just online, you'll learn more about how you really feel. It sounds like a lot of us have been where you are, I certainly have. I wish you the best of luck. Keep talking about it, even if it's just with yourself. That's the only way to really figure anything out.

 

Hey welcome to EC Drake
Lex hit the nail on the head about the whole "gay culture" thing. Don't worry about the culture. You can associate yourself with whoever and whatever you want.

It's ok to be confused about your sexuality. In time you may figure it out, but for now you don't have to conclude whether or not you are gay or bi. I think admitting that you are "not straight" would be a good place to start. Hope this helps. Take Care.