Ok, wow, this *just* happened and i ran right to my computer after to ask for some help. Im not ready for my parents to find out im Gay, very much so because its christmas EVE. So my parents told me to get ready for the christmas eve service we go to every year. They know i dont like church anymore (they got hell from people for me not attending church, its cut-throat around here) but they just assumed i would go to this christmas eve service. The reason im not going is as follows, i -do- not want to attend a service put on by a man who thinks i am a diesese spreading abomination whos not worthy to live but when face to face with me would smile and say "jesus loves you son" only to turn around and backstab me once i look away. I am not one to compromise my morals, and my parents know this. So naturally, they are asking questions. "Give me one good reason why, and you can stay home" and i stupidly replied with "there is a good reason, but i cant tell you". Now they know i have a bone to pick with the pastor for some reason, and they want to know why. They are not completely stupid, so they already have questioned my sexuality, but i dont want this to push it over the edge. I need to keep this under wraps while N O T attending the service. Going to this church makes me want to inflict real self-pain on myself and has in the past. I feel like i would be better off dead when i go there. I know that these are horrible, false thoughts but i cant help myself when i am at one of the services. No one in my family has ever skipped a christmas eve service before. Even the non-Christians are expected to in this town, thats the least anyone can do. What should i do? The service is in less than an hour now...
I don't know what to say. That is a tough situation. Maybe you could tell them that you have a friend who is having a hard time this year, and you need to keep them company over the phone.
I would say that you come up with an excuse for not wanting to go fast! (you're looking very pale are you sure you're not ill? :icon_wink) and be prepared to answer alot of questions! In terms of the way this church makes you feel about yourself i would definatley say don't go and worry about the consequences later! Nobody is allowed to make you feel bad about who you are! Hope this helps!
I'd say suck it up and go to the service. For your parents sake. It's a tradition. You don't really want to mess up Christmas at this point. Good luck.
Just go. As panda said, it's for your parents. I have to go still and I'm 19. Just go and ignore all that is going on. That's what I do. Then get a job that will make you work during the service next year to prevent all future problems. (I have to go to Midnight mass so that final thing didn't work for me... haha) But back to what you were pondering on.... just go. Suck it up and go. It isn't for you, it isn't for the priest, it is for your parents. If you are not completely loathing of them just go. ALSO it would make things easier. Look at possible outcomes... NOTHING is good about you skipping other then an hour or two of non church time that is only instant gratification. Skipping means you get it from your parents who have it even harder because they are getting it from the churchies.
I think you should go just to keep up apparences and smile on the outside and on the inside pretend you're stabbing his freaking eyes out!!! Haha yeah but hope it works out
Hi there! Given that it is Christmas Eve, why don't you just go and at a later point when you are ready, tell your parents the reason as to why you do not want to go to the church anymore. Remember that the bible does not say anything about homosexuality. You know that. Go to the service knowing that. Having gone to the service, you can brush the comments aside and say it's okay, nothing to worry about. Sure, your parents will still have their questions but you might buy yourself some time with it. Not going, makes them question things even more. You don't want to get into a situation where you are having an argument with them and come out to them at the same time.
Thanks cjtom I said i was feeling ill and if i went i wouldent be paying attention anyways since im ill. Its a good thing i didnt go i think, cause if i did i know it would set me back in feeling comfortable about who i am. I appreciate all the advice, but i dont believe i made it clear just what going to this church would do / has done to me. I never once accepted who i was till the day i stopped going. The entire atmosphere just makes me feel so lost, confused, angry and deeply depressed. But thats all over, for this year at least, cause i got out of it. I feel bad for my parents, but they will make sure to tell everyone im not there because im sick before they can ask were i am. They know how to handle themselves when there children let them down by now, but thats the price you pay for having high expectations.
I'm glad to hear you got out of it, but in the future it may be better to just go. If you're risking your parents questioning your sexuality over it, then it's safer to just go to church and ignore the preacher. Keep in mind, even if you hate his message, you have to respect the fact that the man has dedicated his life to doing what he's been taught is right. His perspective on what's right or wrong is a little skewed, and that can't be helped. For your own well-being, don't do anything to arouse suspicion with your parents. Don't let the words of a preacher impact you. You can accept who you are and still go. When I go to church, I sit there with a pen and a notebook and write about my thoughts on spirituality. I don't hear a word the preacher says. You could do something similar, just don't share the notes. Destroy them after the service. Nothing to question. And if your parents ask, you're just trying to remember his sermon (kids can be so forgetful can't they?). Good luck
Ah. So you got through the tough situation hah? Congratulations! But from now on, maybe life is going a little rougher for you. Family can be a lot of pressure. And you raised some suspicion. It is like a mark, a stain, a crack on human's minds, and their trusts. And it is hard to erase or to mend. I totally understand your situation. I am not Catholics, and I grew up in a country which is not Christian until I came here, to the USA, where the bond between church and state, the imposition of beliefs on differences do so much matter. I do not see Christ as god, I do not see myself as abomination. Well, because if there would be anyone who beholds the absolute truth that I were a monster, than the truth would absolutely confine all people of the world as monster as well. Lol. And my parents, they dearly love me, they just regard homosexuality as a disease. But I still love them. I don't lie to them. I took my time for their worry and priority upon my sexuality to be washed away. And now, we are still good, and we love our lives together not bothering that one of us might be gay. So do not confront your parents. Do not confront the world. In some other relative and figurative sense of words, you cannot confront the world. You just make the best out of it. So make the best out of yours. And do not hate the church. Redeem them with all the love and knowledge, teach them again what Christ wants them to really do (if you are a believer), forgive all their mortal sins and hatred. Then you will live knowing that you become what of life more than a preacher, a teacher! Take care!
I am glad that you decided to fake an illness so you didn't have to go.While I can see the arguement that it is for your parents,I think you did the right thing by standing by the morals that you uphold for yourself.It's not the parents that the priest makes feel like a disease whenenever they enter the church.You shouldn't have to go to church if the pastor/priest makes you feel like you are a disease.That would make it really uncomfortable for you and if it would force you to inflict pain on yourself,you should stay out of church or risk mental/health problems ie cutting,severe depression,nausea,headaches et cetera.
Christmas is big in the christian calendar - this will not easily be forgotten. You did what you had to do and can say you avoided the cardinal sin of coming out in an argument. Try not drawing attention to yourself, and be prepared for unprompted theological questions being thrown your way.
