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It's all too overwhelming

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by tomahto72, Dec 25, 2008.

  1. tomahto72

    tomahto72 Guest

    Ususally my life has been quite breezy and laid back. I have always been so relaxed about everything, working hard when i need to and then kicking back whenever I can, and almost never taking anything to heart EVER.But lately I have been really stressed.

    To give background, I just got back from my GAP year last week and have flung myself back into my old life, being with my mates and family. I also told the majority of my really close friends I am gay (which is all sweet on that front). I'm trying to close down my UK bank account from Australia, which is proving to be a bitch. And I am figuring out when to tell my parents I am gay and how I should tell them.

    Lets start with 1. My friends are fantastic, the best I can hope for. However there is a huge but....I can't talk to them about my own problems (which, without trying to sound too needy, are very very petty).The effing group politics are annoying. I can't talk to so and so because they said something wrong. I DONT GIVE AN F, I WANT TO TALK TO THEM! And so and so isnt working for his money. So if he's rich he can do what he pleases it will work out badly for them in the future trying to get a job etc. And one of my best friends (my faghag) broke up with a really close friend of mine and now she has been kicked out of the group because she broke up with him (which may not sound bad but when he turns the entire group on her, thats just wrong, and plus most of them only heard his side of the story) and then the bitching commences. Urgh

    2. My best friend is more preoccupied in getting back together with his ex (which, he adamantly said 1 month ago, he would not go out with her again) than actually talking to me because he knows I have alot of shit going on right know. We had a D&M one night after I went to the races with him and a few other mates and I said I wanted to be in a relationship with someone. But he said don't worry about it. The problem is I see him and his ex every day, my friend and his gf alot etc etc. I am just surrounded by it all, and every time i see some sort of romantic touch on the knee or hug, I have this deep pang down in my stomach wondering why the hell can't I get that, because i want to feel what they feel. I've never felt it before, I have been very emotionally detatched for so long. I have blocked out my emotions for so long!

    3. My family. Also fantastic people, close supportive loving. I have lived with them for 18 years and I feel like I'm letting them down and deceiving them by being gay (I am the only son so my families name probably wont continue on). My mums sister is a lesbian so she is accepting but its not her love I want, its my dad's. He is a mans man; Rugby, Rock'n'Roll, Masculine etc. I am like him in so many respects and he has supported me and helped me through my life. It's him that I am really worried about, I honestly don't know if he would be supportive to a gay son. I mean, on Xmas eve we all sat down and watched the carols on TV and Anthony Callea (have I spelt it right??), an openly gay australian singer came on, and so did his partner (or so my sisters say) and my dad and uncle (my mums twin, try to keep up) started hurling derogatory comments at the screen. Luckily I was standing in the door and no one saw my reaction to this. I just went downstairs and curled up in a ball and fell asleep. So that threw in doubt whether I should tell my parents or not. And I have to meet all my family again tomorrow on boxing day which is really overwhelming.

    I have worked so hard for my life. Threw most of my problems, angers and frustration in an emotional box. Walled myself from people and emotions, and now what I perceived as a well planned life is just going into the shitheap. I am out of a job and almost out of money which decreases the amount of times I can attempt to forget. It truly is the first time I have felt in over my head. Not even my senior exams daunted me. I mean that avatar pretty much sums me up and how I have lived for the past 10 years (btw it says Eat some concrete and harden the f*&k up). Maybe all I need is to just step back for a sec and relax get away from it all, living in a city doesn't help, but for those who dont live in Brisbane; It aint really a city, just a big effing country town.

    Sorry for the wall of text but I am in chronic need of venting and this covers about a millionth of my problems.
     
    #1 tomahto72, Dec 25, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 25, 2008
  2. biisme

    Full Member

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    Hey there,

    (*hug*)

    okay.

    1. There's no one person you can talk to in your group of friends? And, if you talk to someone that the group is not talking to at the moment, will they stop talking to you? Hmmm...that sounds a tad bit childish, if they're the same age that you are....

    2. Are you trying to meet people? What have you tried so far? As for your friend, have you tried telling them that you feel ignored and that you need to have an actual conversation?

    3. Maybe you should tell your mom first, and then see if she can help you with your dad. However, sometimes people surprise you. Your dad could be extremely supportive of you and for "face" or for laughs or whatever reason, he was making those comments before. (*hug*)

    Don't worry about how much you write. From what you've written, it doesn't sound like you vent a lot, and getting it out is good for you. Have you applied for a job? And, have you asked friends or family if they know anywhere you can get a job, even if it was just a little thing to tide you over until you find something better?

    And, these are for you:

    (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
  3. tomahto72

    tomahto72 Guest

    1. I can talk to one or two in the group but it sometimes gets really awkward because although they are okay with me being gay its something they don't want to talk about often.


    2. I am trying to meet people but it is really really hard without going to a gay club, which btw is only where you go to cruise. The Beat, The Wickham and Family are usually filled with promiscuous losers and as yet have not seen someone that remotely interests me. Maybe when I start uni....

    3. I probably could but she gets stressed really easily, but I fair a fair assumption that she has a little more than an inkling. I should probably talk to my auntie as well.

    The prblem with me being able to vent is that I always think that there are people with even bigger problems than me so I never do it and I know its not healthy (I need a big cliff/canyon with no one around, that would make me feel a whole lot better!) Yeah I have been applying for jobs but last night I just gave my old McDonalds manager for a job and he said, why not. So I am going back there against some peoples wishes but there are seriously no jobs out there at the moment.

    Thanks biisme really means alot, I'm going to Fraser island for a few days so sun surf sand and all that jazz to help me get away from it all!
     
  4. n8i2c7k

    Regular Member

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    Hey man (*hug*)

    I know i'm not that good at giving advice and stuff and we don't really talk THAT much but i just wanted to give you some support :slight_smile:

    1. I think you need to find a freind, the one freind that will just listen to your problems without offering any judgment or "well, my problems are worse" kinda thing. Find a person who you can vent to. The person doesn't necessarily have to give advice back but just needs to be able to let you vent and support you. And if you can't talk about your gay problems to any of your freinds then you always have EC people :grin:. About your group politics, i'd say screw it. I don't know if it'll be the same for you but how i do it, if people say "oh i hate so and so, don't talk to them." i don't give a damn. I will talk to said person anyway because (maybe i'm just a little too self-righteous) i refuse to be a d*ck-head. Just because they want to be child-ish A-holes and shun a freind for some dumb reason doesn't entitle me to be a child-ish A-hole to. And if they end up shunning you to, well then so be it. Frankly, if thats the kind of people they are going to be then i don't really want to keep associating myself with them. You should tell them that you don't care and want to speak to them anyway. Let them know (nicley) that they're being immature and you don't want to be a d*ck-head, you want to be a good freind.

    2. Like Biisme said, you should talk to your freind and tell him how you feel about your freindship. Even thought a lot might be going on in your life you'd still like him to be there as a freind, not backing away. If you need room, you'll tell him. I don't know if you should tell him about the getting back together with his ex thing though, thats a little too much his personal space. About the lonliness thing, buddy you're "preaching to the choir." I know exactly how you fell on this one. All i can say is you have to keep your hopes up. You'll find someone eventually, you just have to be patient. I know it's hard but just shake off the pangs and tell yourself "that'll be me one day." Working hard at something or distracting yourself with doing something you love helps a bit. Just don't be discouraged :slight_smile:

    3. I can't really help with the family thing. I'm not out myself and i don't think my parents would be too hot about my homosexuality either. I guess the only thing to say is wait. You don't really have to tell them just yet. Sometimes it's the sooner the better and i guess you'd regret it if they died and you never told them, but if it's better to not tell them just yet then you shouldn't rush it. You aren't living a lie, just not the whole truth. Think about it this way, the person they see and deal with now isn't really going to change much once you're out. It's THEIR perception of you that will change. So really you aren't lying to them, just not telling them...Unless of course you actually tell them "no i'm not gay" then that would be a lie...but it's ok. You don't tell them for good reason. Rejection hurts.

    I don't know if this helps much and looking back it's really really long, but i hope it helps you in one way or another (*hug*)