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No label feels right - how do I come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ZeCoop, Aug 7, 2015.

  1. ZeCoop

    ZeCoop Guest

    Ive been seeing a girl but i want to tell everyone that I like guys so that I dont have to see her anymore. I just dont have an attraction to her and I think Im just gay.

    I defiantly like guys and lately they are all I think about :slight_smile: and I find talking to guys much more fluid and easy-going and natural online. But with girls I feel like full of pressure even though I really want to feel natural :S

    I want to come out as gay but it doesn't feel totally true. Bisexual feels more true but I feel like im probably just gay and cant accept it. I have no one to talk to :frowning2:

    any advice?
     
  2. BrokenRecord

    BrokenRecord Guest

    Just experiment with all the options to find what suits you the best. Do a little research on them as well just to get a feel for them all before trying them. That always works for me. :thumbsup:
     
  3. Berru

    Regular Member

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    If you're not comfortable with "I'm gay", how about saying "I like boys", and if asked if you're gay then, saying "I'm not sure" if you're not sure? :slight_smile:
     
  4. SiennaFire

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    Go with what feels closest to the truth for you at this point in your life. I identified as bisexual for many years until I realized that gay felt closer to the truth. There is no gay or bisexual test, so identify in a way that feels natural and right for you. How you identify can change over time, so don't worry if you change your orientation down the road.

    Cheers
     
    #4 SiennaFire, Aug 7, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2015
  5. PatrickUK

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    Very few people can say they are 100% anything in life and that's true of our sexuality too. Many people who identify as gay are predominantly attracted to the same sex, but may be able to recognise low level attraction to the opposite sex. It's nothing earth shattering or life changing, just something they recognise and comfortably live with. The same is true for many straight people too.

    If you are predominantly attracted to men and think about them a lot more than women and you can comfortably imagine yourself dating a guy, it's okay to say you are gay, but it's also okay if that element of doubt leads you to conclude that you are bisexual with a leaning towards guys. There is no right or wrong in this situation and it's a personal choice for you to make. The only label that probably doesn't fit for you is straight and I think you know that anyway. :slight_smile:

    Some people get really wound up over labels to the extent that it spoils their enjoyment of life and it shouldn't. We're not dealing with an exact science and if we later decide that a label isn't right for us, so what? It doesn't really matter if we change our minds later. If bisexual feels right for you at this moment, go with it. :slight_smile:
     
  6. greatwhale

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    It would be not a little ironic if you stepped out of one closet (the "straight" one), only to enter into another (a "gay" or "bisexual" one); labels can be that confining.

    Look carefully at what a Pride parade is about: it's not an advertisement or promotion for being gay or bisexual, or lesbian or transgender or anything else for that matter, it's about the freedom to be whatever it is you happen to be, and in your case, there may not be a label for that!

    When authors are working on a book or novel, they often don't know how that book or novel will turn out (it could spontaneously also turn into a series, or a short story) they can't predict what will happen as they live the process of writing it, so they will often use a "working title" as a matter of convenience, or as shorthand to have something to point to when referring to the work.

    Live your life as the author of it; live it as a work of art. Don't consider it done until your last breath. Whatever label, or title you choose is not important, as long as you keep creating your life as you are living it and as long as you can choose whomever it is you choose to love, that will be good enough.
     
  7. alwaysforever

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    If you are not sure you could say something like, "I am not sure if I am (insert labels here), but I do know I am not straight" or something such.
     
  8. guitar

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    A label is merely a shortcut to tell others predominantly what your sexuality is in a word or 2. If I don't want to/have the time to explain what Kinsey ~5 means, then "gay" is good enough. Don't let your label define you or hinder your own feelings and attractions.
     
  9. Mirko

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    Hi there!

    Adding to what has already been said, coming out as a gay so to be able to end seeing girl you are seeing at the moment, is not the best reason to come out. I would suggest that you speak with her, and are honest as to how you are feeling about her. If there is no attraction, that is all that you need to let her know.

    Continue exploring your feelings and attractions, and maybe even do away with the labels for now so to give yourself the space to explore your feelings. If you would like to come out, you could always come out as questioning. As your attractions and feelings for others become clearer you can then start attaching a label and let others know. :slight_smile: