hi so my mother and I talked about a guy of my class and she said something like "he has lots of muscels but he would be to short for my taste." and I said: "I am not tall myself." "yeah but he is a guy" "i don't know why guys have to be tall. i am pretty small and as long as a guy is taller than me." their was a short break and I finally had the courage to say "but I would have a complete different problem with him." she: "he is not the nicest, is he?" me: "he is a guy." (pause) she: "but wouldn't you have this problem with any guy?" me: "yes, excatly. that's why it's so sad that I don't like **** (a really good male friend who asked out and whom I couldn't refuse because I didn't want to hurt him and am not out yet)." and she only laughed and looked at me dissapointed. the thing is my mother laughs when she is angry. my parents have treated me like shit for the past week and I have spent every evening crying, but luckily had my best friend supporting me. I am weiting with her right now but I feel a bit sad, because I haven't told her about my orientation yet. And I really want to but I don't want things to become akward. has someone some experience on this? some advice?:help: should I wait till I am no longer emotionaly "compromised"?
I can't tell you whether you should wait or not, as I'm not sure what you mean by emotionally compromised, but I can tell you this: She's your best friend. She seems like she's really supportive, and it probably would be nice for you to have someone to talk openly about your issues with. It might be a little awkward at first, who knows, but awkward isn't forever. Good luck (*hug*)
thanks for your fast answer. I meant emotionaly compromised as generally upset due to my parents and that maybe I should wait till I don't depend on her anymore... which leads me to the question on if I should do it, how?
Oooh that's a tough one. It all depends on your friend and how your relationship is. The best thing would probably be if you got to say it to her face-to-face. I told one friend over text, and some others face-to-face, and I felt alot better getting to say it face-to-face although it was a little more awkward / hard to do. I recently came out to a close friend. I started out by telling him that I had a problem that I wanted to talk about if he wanted to, because it felt so lonely not having anyone to share it with (and I trust him), and that part of the problem was that I was afraid to tell anyone. It took a lot of 'umm' and 'err' from my side, but I told him in the end, and I'm glad I did. Maybe you could do it in a similar way? Like I said, it seems like she cares for you, and if she really does, she'll be supportive even if it's a little awkward at first. But if you don't feel like it's the right time or you're not ready, don't do it. There might never be such a thing as "the right time", but if you feel like the timing is exeptionally bad, maybe wait a few days and see if things get better. All in all, it's up to you.
thanks again I'll make sure to try tomorrow when she comes over to my house, that is if I still feel like I am ready to. I just hope she won't think different about our friendship for we have already shared beds on a movienight or something like that. well, gotta risk it someday, she does not deserve that I keep lieing to her.
It's not about her, it's about you. Sure, you might feel shitty for not being truthful with her, but it's your secret, and your choice who to share it with and whether or not to do it. You could also tell her, after coming out to her, that she's more than welcome to ask if she has any questions about it. Again, good luck with it all. You can give me an update later on how it went, if you want to
Don't know if this will help or not, but I told my same-sex best friend that I was bi about a year ago and besides having someone to talk to about wanting to jump jensen ackles bones, our relationship is no different. We've fallen asleep in the same bed, changed clothes around each other, if she really is your best friend, she won't mind one bit.
thank you! I hope it will work out just as great. I will tell you how it went I am just waiting for her to tell me if she will stay over night. If she does, then I won't tell her. It is better if she has the chance to think about it, or should I still do it? ok, now I am overthinking this. I have already waited some time, there is no need to hurry, except that I am scared it will be worse in the future... however big, BIG thanks!(*hug*)
so I told her yesterday. we were talking about some friend of ours who had asked me on a date. And somehow I just said that this isn't what I mean (I had a few uncomplete sentences before) and that she is like a sister for me, but I like woman (a very free translation, but it summs it up) and then I cried and she huged me and told me that is totally fine. She said she got a friend in a wheelchair and that she has never judged her, so she would never judge me for this. (she did really mean it in a good way) she said thats totally natural and she doesn't know where there might be a problem. I told her that I don't know if it will always be like this and she smiled and said: maybe I will be a guy ine day. who knows? you are my friend and it's only your character that counts. we went to town afterwards. she didn't even ask all the emberrassing questions I had prepared to answer but just kept acting around me as if nothing happened. I think we are even closer now than before. (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!) So thank you. Don't know if I had been brave enough without your help and the help of the EC community(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(&&&)
