1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do I deal with this?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by myra, Dec 25, 2008.

  1. myra

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2008
    Messages:
    363
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    B*Town, Ohio
    I am so thrilled right now. The love of my life has decided that he can't be without me and wants me back. Its been a month since our break up and I took him back in a heartbeat. I love him more than anything. But here's the deal...

    While I love him, I don't trust what he's telling me. And not because i don't want to...but i'm scared if i do I'll be hurt yet again and lord knows, i don't have the strength to go through anymore pain. We broke up once because he thought he only loved me "as a friend." but a week later, he says he really effed up and wanted me back. so i gave him the second chance. But i could tell something wasn't right with what he was telling me. I knew he wanted to leave again. Another week later, he left for what I thought would be for good. He said he didn't love me anymore, though he did care about me, but the passion was gone. This was a month ago.

    Last night, he tells me he wants me back and he does love me. I want to believe that. He says he's trying to find a way to prove it to me. I've gone through so much shit in the last month though it isn't even funny. As i posted in the health and well being section, i had an abortion about two weeks ago (his child). The good thing was he was with me the whole time. But in reasponse to that, i had to come out to my mom that i'm an atheist and her church decided to attack my beliefs without any provocation from me. In response to the abortion, my mom's entire side of the family has decided to shun me. I don't exist to them anymore. So I've been in serious pain. There has been too much loss in such a short time.

    I ended up forcing myself to throw away all the super pain killers the clinic gave me for the abortion because i was to tempted to take them all at once and die. The only reason i didn't is because i knew he (the ex-ex boyfriend) would feel horrible after that and i love him too much to hurt him. So i tossed them out. Then i planned to break ever promise to him i'd ever made. I was going to go get wasted one night and have a one night stand just for the hell of it. I didn't feel like i had anything to lose.

    Last night, christmas eve, he explains he wants me back. He said "I love you. I want to fight for you and this relationship. I don't want it to be like this again unless it must." I want to believe him so badly. I know he would't hurt me intentionally and the first two break ups were because he was confused and exhausted from college. I guess i need help with two things.

    1) how the hell do I heal after enduring so much pain? after losing the man i thought (and is now claiming again) to love me forever, our first child, half of my family, and the people i thought would love me at church despite my beliefs, i feel there is no way to heal.

    2) how can i trust him again? he's asking for ways that he can prove his love me again and make things like they were. I don't know how. I want to believe him. How do i get past this block and do that?

    Thanks guys. I'm so lost and hurt right now I can't think straight. I feel like there is no hope anymore for anything. That is until last night. Now i'm just lost on how to think and feel.
     
  2. summersforecast

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2008
    Messages:
    84
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Johnson City
    1) I know what its like to feel rejected by your own family you just have to lean on who ever is willing to help thats how I get through stuff.

    2) First you have to see how he will prove his love to you, weather it's good enough and so on. Then if it is take it slow and cut him off from any sex. That way you can see weather he really loves you or not.

    3) if you ever need a sholder to cry on just talk to me ok?
     
  3. skydrone

    skydrone Guest

    maybe you should try and work it out. ask him for help i think you trust him most and ask him to overcome this. If you're not really sure, try to be friends with him for now and try to fix up some problems.