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Gay and Terrified

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by dt85, Aug 9, 2015.

  1. dt85

    dt85 Guest

    Yeah, pretty much what the title says. After a lot of reflection, I have realized that I am bisexual but homoromantic, and considering I am not interested in sleeping around that makes me effectively gay.

    My family are vehemently homophobic. I am not in a position financially to move away from them at the moment, as I am trying to get through college. I do not want to waste further years either, pretending I want to date women and affecting the occasional machismo to keep my family off my back.
     
  2. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
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    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm really sorry you feel so stuck with this right now and I can fully understand your desire to come out soon and not waste time, but it's important to consider your safety, security and future too. If coming out now would leave you in a vulnerable position it is probably best to wait, as hard as that may seem.

    For most people, coming out is a journey, rather than a sprint. We have to reach a point of self acceptance first and then decide when and how to deal with the process of coming out. A good coming out isn't just about saying the words, it's also about having our cards in order so that we can move on from the 'big reveal' to live a happy, contented and open life as a LGBT person. In order to do that we need security and stability in our lives. How do we get there? By applying ourselves at school/college/uni and giving ourselves great prospects for employment and independence. Academic achievement is an integral part of your coming out journey (you are planning your future and setting the cards in order). When you are struggling with all of the negativity that comes from maintaining the secret, it's good to focus on your course/s as part of the process. Instead of seeing a firmly closed closet door, you'll see one that is very gradually opening as you make progress towards full independence.

    Bursting out of the closet now, with no independence or plan B could create a shit storm in your life and bugger up things at college (your future). I'm sure you don't want that to be the result of coming out. You can have a quick and possibly bad coming out experience and then try to deal with the mess or you can put things in place for a better or good coming out experience later. Your choice, but I know what I would do.