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Coming out in school, my girlfriend doesn't seem to want to.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by loveislove01, Aug 11, 2015.

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  1. loveislove01

    loveislove01
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    Question above. I'm having anxiety for high school, and coming out is a little part of it. I'm not ashamed in any way of being bisexual or having a girlfriend, but I was worried about two things..
    (I live in CT where it's fairly liberal and in my middle school, there were out lesbians, and a trans guy)
    This is a new school, and I'm just nervous. I was bullied last year, but not for being bi. I just don't want my sexuality to be another reason they should put me down. Is it advisable to come out at school? Has anybody had bad experiences?
    And, sometimes I don't see me girlfriend in person for a while outside of school, and we both have honors courses (more homework) so I'd like to be able to openly hug/hold hands sometimes. She doesn't seem too happy with the idea, but I'd rather not be hiding it. I'm not going to leave her, because our relationship is special and I will wait, but I don't know...

    By coming out, I'm not going to stand up in my chair and announce I'm bi to the whole school, no. I just don't want to hide it if it comes up in a conversation. What should I do?

    (My girlfriends not totally against it, we both came out last year and people were nice. She's not ashamed of being with me as a friend, but she is also scared of people being mean.)
     
    #1 loveislove01, Aug 11, 2015
  2. troubleshooter

    troubleshooter
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    This is something you shouldn't do unless she's ok with it. But I mean...you're not even in high school yet! And really, many girls who aren't romantically involved hug or interlock arms while walking in the hallway. If your girlfriend isn't comfortable with coming out yet, respect that and you can still do those things with her without too many people questioning it.
     
    #2 troubleshooter, Aug 11, 2015
  3. GreenPanRose270

    GreenPanRose270
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    If your girlfriend is uncomfortable, then you should hold back for a while. This is partially about both of you as well.
    Well, holding hands and hugging could be seen as platonic by most people, so if you two decide not to come out in school, I guess things like that would be okay.
    As for not hiding it in conversation, just be careful who you come out to. I'd stay on the low for a while and figure out if there's anyone who could possibly be homophobic or hurtful in general (like people who spread rumors or bully people outright). Test the waters by bringing up LGBT+ related news, or something like that, and seeing the other person's reaction.
    And, about getting put down, if/when you get bullied/ridiculed in any way for being bi or having a girlfriend, just try to shake it off (of course if things get out of hand talk to an adult or counselor). The haters are gonna hate, but you don't have to listen to everything they say, because you are so much better than that.
    Good luck with your relationship and coming out! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:
     
    #3 GreenPanRose270, Aug 11, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2015
  4. loveislove01

    loveislove01
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    Thanks for the advice.
    People randomly make jokes about people being together even with platonic gestures like that, so that's why she's uncomfortable. I was hugging one of my other female friends once, and my girlfriend was in the room, and she saw the other kids call us faggots, for simply hugging. So after that, she avoided physical contact in school until we came out later on.

    And yes, I know I'll not do anything without her permission because I want her to be comfortable as well. I'll talk to her more about it, but I wouldn't reveal anything unless she told me she is okay with it, it'd be mean to disrespect her wishes.

    Thank you, you're right, testing the waters is a good idea. I suppose I'm overthinking it too much, I'm just super anxious.
    Thanks
     
    #4 loveislove01, Aug 11, 2015
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