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Coming Out Far Away from Home. (Reasonable solution or Just Running Away?)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JohnB, Aug 12, 2015.

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  1. JohnB

    JohnB
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    I am Gay. Or Bi or Pan or whatever I maybe(I like dudes and gals anyway)

    Anyway, I feel guilty for not coming out to friends n family(especially those whom I trust) but want to come out badly, and I also need a wilderness sabbatical. So I figured I'd get two birds stoned with one move. I want to move to/explore other parts of the country and I feel I will meet people who I will bcome friends with and want to be free to be myself, figured it won't be hard to talk to people if I am comfortable inmy own skin with a new surroundings.

    Stress would be reduced and not have to worry about friends n family learning about my preference. I also have a pretty good Gaydar when it comes to guys n gals(not only appearance but mannerisms and what not. I have a good filter).

    Just wanna know, would this be a good idea or shoild I come out to friends n family first?
     
    #1 JohnB, Aug 12, 2015
  2. IJustWantToLove

    IJustWantToLove
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    Hey JohnB :slight_smile:
    I don't think it's running away! In regards to coming out (or living your life in general) you should always do what feels right to you and what you are comfortable doing.
    I always find it easier to come out to people I just meet because they don't have an idea of who I am yet. Telling friends and family is harder in that respect, because they already believe to know you and everything about you.
    And also it's easier to come out to people a bit further away from home I think. I found coming out to be such a relieve, even in the very beginning when all the people I did tell had a rather small impact on my everyday life (those friends are of great value, don't get me wrong! But it's not like I run into them every day or something... That's what I meant)
    When I started to come out I did it the same way. First I tried to find some new friends to whom I came out basically immediately (though that were mainly online friends, but still). Then I came out to friends from university whom I knew would not have contact to my parents or any relatives. And only after that did I tell my parents and friends from back home...
    So if you wanna go on that trip and meet new people to whom you want to come out, do it. Don't question why you want to come out to them. I think it's a great idea and as you said, it's two birds with one stone. And maybe you enjoy being out so much, that after your trip you'll come out to friends and family. Who knows :slight_smile:
    Whatever you do, good luck with it :slight_smile:
     
    #2 IJustWantToLove, Aug 12, 2015
  3. Sashafr

    Sashafr
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    Hi John!! It doesn't seem like your family is homophobic or nuthin so I don't see the harm in doing what you want and reinventing your life as a non-hetero (are you bi then? I wasn't sure so I just put that down lol) AND telling your family. Now, if there is any reason that they would not accept you and be against it I would have to advise you to do what you feel is right. I hope this helps and good luck on whatever you choose to do!!!

    P.S. its not running away its just exploring :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Sashafr, Aug 12, 2015
  4. Mickey 29

    Mickey 29
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My plan for coming out was similar. I was moving and planning on just being 'out' with new friends and co-workers, then deciding on when to tell family and close friends after that.

    I've actually heard of many people taking this route and it seems like a totally fine way to sort of 'ease' into it, depending on how your relationship with your family is.

    My personal plan was thwarted because as soon as I made the decision to come out...I did it before I moved, and told all my friends and family. Wasn't part of my plan, but it actually made me feel MUCH better because that was the hardest part. I also came out later in life, so it may be different if you're younger.

    Either route you take...congrats on making this big step!
     
    #4 Mickey 29, Aug 13, 2015
  5. Chip

    Chip
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    A lot of people do this.

    -- They wait until college to come out, and attend college in another city
    -- They take a job in another city
    -- They find an internship or volunteer opportunity, like Americorps, that has them traveling to other cities

    This isn't running away or anything... it's giving you the opportunity to "try out" the new you, get used to it, and then re-introduce your family and friends. Many, many people find this an easier way to handle things.
     
    #5 Chip, Aug 13, 2015
  6. JohnB

    JohnB
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    Thank y'all for your input. I keep looking forward to this trip/move. I had the chance to come out once I came to the city and introduced myself to my classmates for the first time whom did not know me, but like a coward thinking I would.be.accepted better if I was like "everyone else". I met my best friend.whom I knew was a lesbian, but that didn't matter nor come up at anytime until the first of many times she told me about girlfriends she had.

    She is the one person I want to tell before I move, but I fear she won't have a problem telling anybody else we know.
     
    #6 JohnB, Aug 14, 2015
  7. JohnB

    JohnB
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    Update: Feels of self worth not mixing poorly with anxoety about still hiding and feel I will need to tell my best friend very soon. A wedding will hopefully reunite us, if she will invite me, but I feel we will meet before hand so I can come.out to her(and only her, because we share about everything about ourlives to eachother....well almost) and to.admit I have feels

    Going out does not intice me anymore because feelings of not having experience(straight or gay) dating makes the inadequate feelings forcin me into downward spiral of not wanting contact with anyone because I don't want to interfere in their lives. I also do not want any of them to know of my progress what so ever.

    I am just looking to leave right away becausw no one else will understand how I feel and feel I cannot trust any friends even though some have been supportive(and have been bustin' mah spheres from time to time. Lol) and just seem to feel like it just wouldn't matter, but I have been introvert about going to out to visit anyone because I am shamefully afraid.

    Like Alice in Chains say in "Nutshell":
    "We face the path of time. Yet I fight yet I fight this battle all alone. No one to cry to. No place to call home."

    I feel I hate myself for not being honest with myself earlier on in life where the strong people i have as friends have been.through such childhoods of standingout. I am socially awkward and feel i don't deserve to have such friends n family, but realize how lucky I am for having them, but feel taking them for granted, thus not deserving them. Kinda hate how I am only choosing one friend who will supposedly is more favorable pver everyone else in my life and have to wait for her to be with me in person.
     
    #7 JohnB, Aug 21, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2015
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