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I want to come out but I don't

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Noratical98, Aug 12, 2015.

  1. Noratical98

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    I'm sure this is a pretty standard dilemma but I've not told anybody before so I want to communicate this myself. I've accepted that I'm gay and I am comfortable with myself but I'm the only one knows. I don't have a real urge to be out I'm indifferent really but I'm fed up of having the secret. I often feel like I wish I had a relationship but I cant even try unless I'm out.

    My problem is partly knowing if I actually want to come out or if it's just easier to leave things as they are.

    I'm going to college away from most of my current friends in a few weeks so I feel It would be a good time to just start as gay and people would just know that me (not that its any different to me now). I kind of feel like even if I come out no-one will know anyway and your not likely to see me announcing my sexuality to every new person I meet how do you just slip into general conversation that your gay.

    I'm just coming up to my 17th birthday, It might sound stupid but although I've known I'm gay for a few years now I cant help but feel sometimes like I might just wake up one day and be like oh actually I'm straight and I kind of worry that I might come out and then look like a complete idiot or attention seeking because I've falsely come out.

    In-spite of all I've just said I think I do want to come out I just don't know if I should.

    Thanks in advance to anyone that comes back to me on this, I'm aware I've sort of just let myself dump my thoughts onto this post. It would be great if you could give me some advice on all this 'stuff'.
     
  2. Priceless

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    I'm actually in a similar situation. Where I want to come out but at the same time I don't/can't. I've written texts to people but I can never force myself to hit "Send".

    You also don't just change your orientation overnight, or ever, really. From straight to gay or gay to straight, so that shouldn't really be an issue.

    So I wish you all the best of luck with however you decide to handle it. I'm pretty close to telling someone myself, but it's hard.
     
  3. Noratical98

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    Thanks Priceless, it's nice to know I'm not the only one for sure. Do you think it's a good idea to come out before college like a fresh start, I'm wondering if it might be good for me to set a goal time?
    Good luck to you also, hope you get there soon :slight_smile:
     
  4. Berru

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    You're wondering whether you should or not. Is there anything that's holding you back? Any fears?
    If you feel like the time is somewhat right, and you want to come out, you could always do so to a few close friends to have someone to talk to about it. There's no need to come out to the entire world at once :slight_smile:
    What's important is to wait until you feel ready. There will never be such a thing as a perfect time to do it, but there should be a gut feeling telling you if it's the right decision or not. And like I said, you can always start with one or more of your closest friends and take it from there.

    Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  5. Priceless

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    I think that's a great time! But as Berru said, do it when you feel ready.
     
  6. Noratical98

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    Thanks guys, I suppose the only thing holding me back is a concern that I might be rushing into coming out, I don't feel worried about people's reactions, I just want to stop feeling like I can't do things or just that I have a secret, I've never had any other secret. I'm sure everyone's had similar feelings, is this enough of a push to come out?

    Can I be sure I feel ready?
     
    #6 Noratical98, Aug 12, 2015
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  7. Berru

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    I know the feeling of wanting to come out all too well.
    While I've always had the take on it that it wasn't necessary to come out unless I have another girlfriend or someone directly asks, I recently came out to a friend because the loneliness in the situation became too much to bear.
    It's always good to have someone to share it with, someone who won't judge you and to whom you can talk about your feelings.

    As for "future embarrassment", so what if you one day have a crush on a girl? Sexuality is fluid, and if someone questions it if it happens, you can always say "I like guys AND some girls, so what?"

    If you've known you're gay for years like you wrote you have, then you aren't really rushing it.

    I don't know if you're sure you feel ready or not, only you will know that, but for me, there's always a at least a hint of doubt when I'm about to come out to someone.
    Y'know, some internal voice screaming at me to stop what I'm about to do, but it's usually drowned out by an even stronger "voice" telling me to go through with it.

    I end up taking a deep breath, sometimes closing my eyes or laughing nervously, and then saying it.

    But again, nobody here can decide for you what to do, only you can make that decision.
     
  8. Noratical98

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    Thanks for helping me shed some of the 'extra bits' to my decision. I'm sure I'll do some more thinking but I feel a bit closer to letting someone know.
     
  9. Berru

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    No problem, and good luck (*hug*)
     
  10. GreenPanRose270

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    I would tell one or maybe two people who you trust, so that they can be a source of support. Just make sure they don't spread the word :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  11. Welshgay16

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    Im in an identical situation , im starting a colege in september too , even thogh i have come out to some freinds they are staying in 6th form so i also was just gonna be honest that im gay from the get go , i think you should do the same as me and if the oppertunity arrives just let people in your college know or drop sutil hints , coz i feel the same way as you about not wanting to announce that im gay to everyone i meet , the way i see it im gonna be open in college because it saves the hassle of getting to know people and then they find out or you tell them after theyve got close to you and then when they find out things might change , or they might not see you in the same light , its completely up to you this is more what im gonna do as wer in the same situation , hope this helped xx
     
    #11 Welshgay16, Aug 12, 2015
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  12. Noratical98

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    Thanks, I think I'm going to go for it at college, especially knowing your in exactly the same position right now helps.
     
  13. Yossarian

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    Coming out in some way when arriving at college seems to be a common theme, for as you said, you will be making new friends, and you will able to tell them as you choose to do so, without any sense that you have "lied" to them about pretending to be straight. You don't have to tell anyone that you are straight, just be yourself and they will assume so unless you tell them otherwise in most cases. Then, if the question comes up, you can tell them at that time if it is someone you want to know it. I have friends who anyone would assume are straight from their general appearance and demeanor, but who I know are gay; they just live as they want, but don't wear their orientation on their sleeves, as it is only one aspect of who they are, and not relevant for most of their activities. Same with me.
     
  14. Welshgay16

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    Thanks, I think I'm going to go for it at college, especially knowing your in exactly the same position right now helps.[/QUOTE]

    Glad i could help ,i think its the best choice, good luck in college xx
     
    #14 Welshgay16, Aug 14, 2015
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