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Thank goodness christmas is over!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by blakeo82, Dec 28, 2008.

  1. blakeo82

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I hope its ok, i just need to vent a minute...

    This past holiday was the first in years that I wasn't in the "straight" relationship that was to become my life. I knew this holiday season was going to be hard hearing the family ramble on about marriage and Mom talk about grand kids...boy i was right.

    My holiday started earlier in the month with our company's Christmas party, which consists of couples going to dinner and then a show - nice and stressful being the only solo person their out of nearly 100. I would have just skipped it but office politics required me to go. Then Christmas eve was spent with the family, me being single always being ask who i am dating now a days or "who is the lucky girl". Christmas day was then spent with my immediate family, sister and Mom, listening to Mom talk about wanting grand kids and how much she's looking forward to them...also throwing in a comment or two about how I should be back out there dating because its been 6 months. She built this into many conversations we had about other things...or while she was casually mashing potatoes for dinner or what not.

    To top off my holidays, I spent December 26 with my Dad and step mom hearing again about being single, my dad even through in a few gay jokes then commented about how sorry he was for them and their parents. nice one dad...The night finished with hearing about my younger cousin getting married.

    For 6 months I've been trying to break through this concrete shell i am in and accept who I am and what this is about. I haven't made a great deal of progress in 6 months, but I am proud for what I have accomplished. After just these few days, i feel beaten, emotionally drained, enough that i just want it all to go away. Enough that I care not to see my family any more. Enough that I want to quit my job and work somewhere that is more gay-friendly. I started to feel like I had the confidence I needed to start coming out to those closest to me, but after the holidays, I feel like I am further from them than ever. I don't feel like I can be honest with them. Aside from the disappointment they will have, a few of the comments were negative towards gay men and women, implying that I wouldn't be accepted in my family, not that it was a big surprise to begin with.

    I am so glad Christmas is behind me. I need to focus on me in 2009...

    Thanks for listening....

    Blake
     
  2. starfish

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    Sounds like the holidays were rough for you. (*hug*)

    You are right they are now over. Now you can recharge your batteries and get 2009 started off right.

    If my dad said something like that I would have been rolling on the freaking floor laughing. I love irony, and while that is not irony it is close enough. I would have to bit my tongue so hard to keep from telling him to start feeling sorry for him self.
     
  3. Mickey

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    Ahhhh,family! Gotta love 'em! I think one of the hardest things to do is to
    admit to yourself that you're gay.And to accept it.
    Don't let these comments make you feel bad. I know it's hard not to,but this is who you are
    and nothing can change that.
    You know your family better than anyone else. You have to do what you think is right.
    The time will come when you'll decide that enough is enough. But nobody can do that,but you.
    Becky is one person to talk to here. She's a PFLAG mom and she can probably give you more information than anyone.
    Just remember: this is YOUR life and you only get one chance at it. Do what's best for YOU. Whatever you decide,I wish you luck.
     
  4. summersforecast

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    Blake of coarse it's ok to let it all out thats what EC is for. As for the Holidays thing pretty much the same here except not only did my dad make gay jokes but also my oldest brother and my sister's boy friend. My family is the reason I turn into the grinch on Christmas.
     
  5. RaRa

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    Amen to that, this was the worse christmas i've ever had.

    Good luck with your future endeavors. I think you'll make it fine. (*hug*)
     
  6. TheRoof

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    this christmas was really bad to me.
    i thought that i would be fun and cozy,
    but it really wasn't.
    i wish i could go back to school soon
     
  7. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    Aww, Blake, it has been a hard one for you (*hug*) Just imagine what it will be like in 15 years when you are out and you can have Xmas with people who do love and accept you. I'm sure that will happen one day. It will be a tough road, but it's one you'll make eventually. It won't be like this forever (*hug*)
     
  8. Jesse Jinx

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    We feel for you (&&&)

    My mom made a few gay jokes and so did my brother before I came out, and when I finally did, they ended up being fine with it. I was shocked.

    You've done so much work and you were right to be proud! This may have been a bit of a blow but the climb to the top will always have a few set-backs. This was draining, but you've got a while year to work on it. They need to realize that it's your life. You need to be happy in your own skin and in what ever you need to do to get there. They might have their grandkids one day, just not how they expected.

    Everything will work out.

    This was my first christmas out, and no one even made a remark. Fair enough I guess.
     
  9. blakeo82

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    Thanks for the positive comments! And, I am sorry for the rest of you who had a Christmas like mine and worse!

    I am probably just being overtly sensitive to the topic. Maybe I am remembering when christmas was a more simple time in my life? Now a days it seems so complicated and dramatized. I shouldn't place this kind of weight on these off handed comments they make.

    I am going to try really hard not to let this slow me down in 09. Its going to be a tough year i suspect, but a really great one too!

    Thanks again everyone!

    Blake
     
  10. Nitro

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    A big (&&&) to one and all. We know shared pain.

    Is there a person (or more) you would feel comfortable coming out to? Having someone in your corner understanding the situation and being able to receive a rant can make christmas a lot easier. Also, remember that most heternormative/homophobic comments are made out of ignorance. You wouldn't begrudge a 9 year old for not knowing Bernoulli's equation (even though once you see and understand it, it is almost self evident!), so try not to let their ignorance get you down too much.

    Now go recharge those batteries!