My story is pretty difficult and the last year I've had has been awful. And to long, but in shirt, I identify myself as queer, but I do prefer pan sexual, but I don't mind gay, sometimes? But it's not appropriate because I have a boyfriend. I've been so confused, because he makes me happy, but he also makes me feel disgusting and when we argue I think I should just come out as a lesbian. Since I could remember I knew I was different, or gay. But I've been told I hold a lot of internalized homophobia inside, about myself. The people I surround myself with are all confident, queer persons. And I admire that because just last year I attempted suicide because I couldn't handle life anymore without me being able to be myself. Since then I've committed myself to life and being myself always. My boyfriend tells me all the time he's afraid I will leave him for a girl, so I opened the whole polyamory into our relationship and he says he's ok with it but he's not. He is paranoid and tries to say I care about my queer community than I do for him. I've become very active in the community and wish he could understand. Especially with him being a white cis straight man, and me a queer, black woman ! We never agree on anything !!! I just wish there was a gay fairy to come to me and tell me what I should do, should I break up with him and still work on myself, or break up with him and try my chances with women!!
I definitely can't tell you whether you should break up with your boyfriend or not, but I would say that it's unfair of him to be so stifling of your identity. It seems (I could be wrong, since I only have your post to work with) to be sort of manipulative of him to tell you how you should feel about him or about being queer. I do know this about myself though-- every time I've had to seriously think about breaking up with someone, especially in cases where I didn't ever feel like I could be wholly myself with them, I have broken up with them and been better off for it. You shouldn't have to feel like your identity is not "appropriate" because you have a boyfriend. That doesn't seem healthy or good at all. If it's something that you could actually talk with him about and work out and you feel like you want to try to, then do that. If you don't think it can get better and/or you don't want to try to see if it could be, then go. Taking care of yourself and being true to yourself are important and only you can decide how to do that best for you. Also if you do break up with him, it doesn't have to be either because you want to work on yourself or because you'd like to see about dating women...it can be both!
